Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

God you’re obsessed OP! This just smacks of insecurity on your part. It really doesn’t matter one bit if he’s thinking of Jane from work or Sue next door.

people are allowed to have their own private thoughts. Unless he vocalises to you that he’s totes fantasising about some woman he passed in the street last week, there’s no real answer for you

My sex life is great.
I personally just don't really want sex with someone who needs to think of anything else to enjoy it.
But each to their own... If that was the case though I'd tell him to go and fuck the person he was thinking about and leave me the hell alone. I'm not just a receptical.

To be honest I don’t see a point in doing this? If you need to think of others then why not just be single and take care of yourself to speak, then you can think of others then? What’s the point in being with someone you aren’t wholly attracted to?

I agree, but there are people on this thread who will say that it’s never possible, and he definitely at least a few times will have thought of other women.

What's the point in being with someone unless they are literally the only person in the world you're attracted to?

I’m not obsessed, and yes it does matter to me. Why should he need or want to think of Jane next door? He might as well just think of Jane and be by himself . I’m not a body to use…. Lot of men have found me attractive, as is the case for many women.

btw I am single so there is no he right now, I’m talking about a hypothetical he.

If you ask then beware you might not like the answer.

Well no, but the main one. Enough that you don’t need to think of others when alone together!

Happily single right now so need to ask.. and actually even more happily so after reading this thread 🤣

I think you're getting "need to" confused with "enjoy"

You think you can never tell, honestly? When it’s in the moment, you think most men can be that good of an actor?

I’m asking a general question, not about me personally. I’m single.

Yes but you at the end of the day, if you’re giving a blowjob and they’re thinking of someone else briefly, there’s nothing you can do. As long as you both enjoy it, doesn’t matter.

I genuinely struggle with that. I know there's nothing you can do about it, I know you can't make him think about you. But knowing that in that moment I'm enjoying him, that I'm aroused by him and ... he might be aroused by another woman instead of me, he might be imagining someone else around him. That matters to me. In that moment I become irrelevant, I'm just a body to use. How can you enjoy that?

Unless it’s genuine escapism and he can’t bear to look at you.

Right, so that's obviously an issue and you wouldn't like it? But what if it is happening each time? It could well be, you don't know. It might not even be that he can't bear to look at you. It could just be that needs that 'extra stimulation' of picturing a colleague to get him aroused and over the finish line everytime.

Yes but if you ‘enjoy’ that, then why is your partner not enough while you’re with them?

If a man has his face down your bits, how exactly are you going to tell if he’s thinking about someone else? Or if he’s pumping away behind you?

You can probably tell, at many times. You can’t tell all of the time. Some people spend years in what they think they can tell is a mutually blissfully happy relationship, only to discover eventually their partner has an entire other secret family in Chelmsford.

I always take the advice of my dear friend and trusted confidant Elizabeth 1 on these sorts of things: “I have no desire to make windows into men’s souls.”

You can’t know what people are thinking all the time, you can’t assume they’ll tell you the truth if you ask them, and all you’re going to do is end up tying yourself into knots second guessing about it all. The person affected by being worried about what or why somebody else is thinking when they’re having sex with you, is you. You may as well just focus on what you’re thinking about and whether you’re wildly enjoying having sex with this person, and get your rock offs that way.

I honestly think you're always going to get yourself upset about this if you try to understand other people's POVs on this. It doesn't matter does it, you're not sleeping with anyone and you're hardly going to ask someone if you do, so try not to worry about it.

Short answer, people are different. You can love someone and find someone else (or even lots of other people) attractive. It doesn't mean the first person isn't "enough".

It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself and your DP if you're constantly questioning "why am I not enough for you?". That question would honestly never cross my mind unless my DP cheated.

You sound really insecure op.

You are not entitled to control anyone's fantasies and women have them too despite you putting it all on men.

You can’t know what people are thinking all the time, you can’t assume they’ll tell you the truth if you ask them, and all you’re going to do is end up tying yourself into knots second guessing about it all. The person affected by being worried about what or why somebody else is thinking when they’re having sex with you, is you. You may as well just focus on what you’re thinking about and whether you’re wildly enjoying having sex with this person, and get your rock offs that way.

I can't enjoy it, knowing that they might be thinking of someone else. I'm having sex with them because I want to have with them and I want them to want me. I don't want to simply be a hole for them.

Spending too much time analysing stuff that you will never know the truth to will ensure that your partner thinks of others.

Yeah, there are a few on here who have said so.

Myself personally... I don't. I'm all about whoever I'm with, or about the act itself. This might be TMI, but even when having a solo fun... I think about my partner. Or it's about the scenario rather than another person.

Even when single it's more about a scenario rather than a person - maybe on occasion it might be a celeb and it wouldn't be about anyone I knew.

I guess that's why it's so hard to get my head around a partner wanting to imagine they're having sex with someone else while they're literally inside me. I want them, they want to think about another woman.

I agree with all of this. And the final bit about needing someone else to finish… gross. I’d rather not be with a man who needed that with me.

1. Who said I was trying to ‘control’ any man’s thoughts? And
2. I’m entitled to not want to be with a man who fantasises about other women when with me. Personal choice.

This. I’d rather just not have sex with said man in the first place.

Surely there are men in the world who are the same.