Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

To be honest I can’t, and would rather not, get my rocks off that way.

Or they have quite unsatisfying relationships and their DP isn’t all that into them?

You sound very vanilla in your sex life. Which is fine. But don’t be so judgemental about what others want to do and enjoy doing. Fantasies are 100% normal. Weird of you to get to an adult and not know that tbh

This. And I don’t know how some women can be fine with this and feel it’s still enjoyable.

hmm, I don’t think it’s vanilla to want a partner to be solely into me and thinking of me during sex, rather than picturing other women. I think that’s just a standard I personally have. If I stick to men who are very attracted to me, it should be attainable,

There is literally nothing you can do to stop someone thought-cheating on you, or think of other women when masturbating. Or being attracted to other women.

You cannot even tell what they’re thinking unless you’re holding eye contact the whole time to make sure he only sees you.

And women can do the same so this isn’t a MN perverted man phenomenon.

It will just make you paranoid and not enjoy it.

I think that’s absolutely fine. This is one of the things in life you have no control over whatsoever, and choosing not to have sex or a relationship because you don’t like the idea that a partner could have thoughts you don’t like and don’t know about is a perfectly valid choice if it concerns you so deeply.

I do also think that some men would be able to just think about me during sex - I’m only 30 and the MN hated ‘conventionally’ attractive (except I have small breasts, but that’s not a negative for every single man).

I’m sure there may be a man who could. Ultimately it’s up to you whether you’re minded to take the risk of never actually knowing if it’s the case or not. There’s not really a definitive answer here.

But you won't know.

They will some of the time and occasionally they may let their mind wander.

We know all that. But we can't understand how people can be OK with it.

Are you really saying you're OK knowing that while you're enjoying your partner, while you're focusing on pleasing him, there's a good probability that he's going down on you imagining it's the woman 2 doors down, your best friend or sister?

I've no idea really, I've never asked. I imagine that 99% of men think about other women sometimes, and that doesn't bother me (except perhaps at the very start of the relationship). I certainly do! That's not the same thing as men thinking about other women 99% of the time.

Would you be OK with them thinking about someone else 99% of the time?

Why is not OK at the start of a relationship but OK say, a year down the line? If you're OK with him thinking about other women you can't then say "well it's OK as long as it isn't within the first whatever amount of time. If it's OK, it's OK. If he wants to imagine his ex the first time you have sex then that should be OK.

Lucky that all of the men you’ve slept with fall into the 1% of men who don’t fantasise about other women!

It genuinely isn’t something that I care enough about to let it worry me. I imagine we just think about sex differently. I don’t see it as some sort of sacred and inherently special act of entwined minds and souls. I didn’t marry with the belief that it was implicitly in my marriage contract somewhere that the marriage would be pointless and emotionally invalidated if we sometimes fantasised about others. I’m also pretty self-involved and I don’t worry about the things in life which I have no way of knowing or controlling.

You don’t have to be “okay” with it, but nobody on this thread can tell you “oh yes, your partner thinks about you during sex 100% of the time and I know there are loads of other people who are exactly the same.”

I wouldn’t say 99% but this applies to men and women..

You don’t have to be “okay” with it, but nobody on this thread can tell you “oh yes, your partner thinks about you during sex 100% of the time and I know there are loads of other people who are exactly the same.”

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that my partner (tho I'm single) thinks about me 100% of the time. I know he won't. And no, I'm not OK with it. Which is why there'll never be another man in my life. Sad perhaps. But true.

It's not about how attractive you are - the most gorgeous women in the world are sometimes cheated on. I think most men fantasise about variety even if they don't seek it in practice. It can make sex and intimacy better if they feel they can share their thoughts about it tbh.

On reflection I think people who describe fucking as "doing the deed" per op are probably a bit hung up about it in general tho.

This whole thread has been that ‘pick me’ vibe. I’m hot enough and you’re not so you have to put up with your man thinking of people like me. The op sounds very very naive - both generally and sexually and I’m not sure adding any more posts to this thread is helpful at this point tbh

I actually think it's really sad that people think people can genuinely not have sex with a partner without needing to fantasize about someone else.
If you want to fantasise and you don't care if your partner does then fine. But that's not fit for everyone.
Rather than pick me vibes I think this thread has more 'cool wife' vibes.
Don't put people down for not being open to what you are open to.
Everyone hopefully does what they want to do and have their own personal boundaries within their relationships .

Let's face it, men will fuck any woman whether she's attractive or not. If he's getting laid he doesn't care. It stands to reason he'd be imagining someone else.