Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

I think men are quite obvious with their behaviour in certain situations. 😂 I also think that a few posters on this thread might just be trying to troll at this point; for some reason, they just can’t accept the fact that sometimes, two people might just exclusively think of each other in bed. For them, that seems to be impossible. I don’t know what their problem is.

I agree with you
After all ..we only have our experiences to go by and they only have theirs

Most of us would not like this to happen, and most of the time it probably doesn’t. The reason people are arguing is you can’t know. You just cannot know if someone’s thinking about another hot woman or imagining your breasts or bum looked different. Why even get hung up on this in the first place. I bet the majority of men, the majority of the time don’t do this- but it wouldn’t surprise me if most men/women have at some point.

Also the idea of ending a relationship over this or trying to pry this info out is just too much.

For you it is

For me it wouldn't be

So you are saying that none of them definitely haven't, not even once?

Might as well change the question to "Do 99% of men, apart from the ones I have shagged think of someone else during sex 😏?

You can't seem to get your head around the possibility so why TF have you asked?

I agree with all of this except the ‘top much’ part, as that’s just personal choice.

Exactly 😂 I think it's pretty obvious, indeed inevitable, that some people do and some people don't. But pretending that you can "know" (because you can read minds) who falls into which category is really odd and a hiding to nowhere. If it's too upsetting to you to imagine then why ask the question?

I think men are quite obvious with their behaviour in certain situations. 😂

Although we've been on almost the same page for most of this conversation, I think the whole point of men imaging someone else during sex is to turn them on. So yes, your BF could be having sex with you and loving it but thinking of someone else. That's the point - it's not you turning him on, it's the thought of another!

And let's face it - men can fake feelings for an entire relationships - I'm sure they can fake sexual desire if it's for their benefit.

Of course men can make feelings during relationships, but how many actually do? And equally, of course men can fake being turned on by the woman they are with (when instead imagining someone else), but how often does it actually happen when they’re both very into each other? I’m aware there’s no definite answer to this.

My point on this thread was not that it doesn’t happen - obviously it sometimes does - but that surely not all men need to imagine someone else to
’turn them in’. Some people on this thread seem to think the vast majority men have to do it at least sometimes, even if they are highly attracted to their partner. Obviously there is no definite answer and absolute truth on this, but I think that a woman might be able to tell if a man is thinking of her or not during sex. Others on here disagree.

"but that surely not all men need to imagine someone else to ’turn them on’"

This is where you're going wrong I think. It's not about need. Most people don't "need" to think about someone else while they have a shag, it's just something they do occasionally to spice things up once in a while. I could be with the absolute most perfect person in the entire world, but after 20 years my mind is still probably going to drift once in a while during sex. It doesn't matter what the activity is, once you've done it 1000 times it's not going to hold your attention the way it once did.

So yes, I find it almost unimaginable that anyone in a long relationship hasn't wondered what sex with someone else is like while having sex with their partner.

That doesn't mean they "need" to do it though, or that they're doing it all the time or even more than once a year or so.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots I haven’t lived long enough to be in a 20 year relationship, but the longest relationship I’ve had has been 18 months. I think I’ve only ever been in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of relationships (or dating situations) and I’ve never reached that ‘reality sets in’ point. I think I’m scared of becoming boring and unsexy to someone over time.

Please, please don't be afraid of that. It's not how it has to work at all.

No .. apparently you can just accept they'll keep it up thinking of someone else....

Well that's something you're going to need to confront, because it will happen at some point. Any relationship more than a few years old is going to have stretches of crap sex. Maybe because you're not getting on about something, maybe because you've had kids and you're just completely knackered. Maybe because he's fighting a crush on someone at work, or maybe because you are. Maybe it's not him who feels that you're boring and unsexy, maybe you start feeling it about yourself.

Relationships aren't always good, nothing that lasts that long is. They have ebbs and flows, and the way you feel about both yourself and your partner at various points in your life is going to change, and the way you feel about sex with them will change alongside it.

Sex isn't always about "You're utterly irresistible and I must rip your clothes off right now". Sometimes sex is just about wanting to feel close to your partner, sometimes it's about making up after an argument, sometimes it's just about wanting to get off, and sometimes it's literally just because there's fuck all on TV.

And so yes, for most people, their minds will drift sometimes during sex. Not always, not frequently, but sometimes. And sometimes it'll drift to loading the dishwasher, or paying for the kids school trip. And sometimes it'll drift to Scarlett Johansen, or Chris Hemsworth, or that person in the office you're flighting a crush on. And you'll never know, because your not a mind reader, and because that kind of sex where you're laser focused on how hot your partner is just isn't an "always" thing in a long term relationship.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots Interesting post, very relatable.

Depressing

Especially the bit about the crush
Why fight it? Just be honest and go and do what you want.
I would rather be single 😔

Because having a crush on someone doesn't mean you want to be with them.

You see plenty of happily married women on here asking how to get rid of their crushes because they don't want to fuck up their marriage to the person they love for a passing infatuation.

OK Marvin.

I don’t get this reply..?

I believe it's an absolutely hilarious jibe that I am like a paranoid depressed robot from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy