Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

I mean Helen Mirren, who can blame him!

The thread is strange because I don't think the OP has negged anyone. She's stated what would just make her depressed and saddened and turned off. She has a right to decide what she can and cannot put up with.
Lots of people have jumped on her calling her repressed, naïve and immature.
And yet these people claim to be the ones that are more open minded and understanding of other people's thoughts and desires.....weird.

Her saying she would be sad if it happened to her is totally normal. Probably how most women would feel.
It was repeatedly saying that it couldn't happen to her because the men she's slept with were "fully attracted" to her (and vice versa) which started to get a bit old. Very dismissive of people with different views. Coupled with saying that if a couple doesn't have sex they're just roommates. Somewhat forgetting that love is a thing. But like a PP rightly said (and OP agreed), it's partly insecurity, which I get, and I hope it doesn't stop her from believing she could be someone's absolute favourite person and vice versa.

Thank you. And a few people tried to suggest that I must be arrogant and believe myself to be very attractive, just because I said that some men have appeared to find me very attractive. Any woman will have some men finding her attractive; it’s not a hugely arrogant statement.

I just find it really strange some of the comparisons made here... Like wine with pasta etc
I mean who goes out for a steak dinner and all the way through tries hard to imagine that it's a Cornish pasty instead when an their senses are telling them it's steak ( or vice versa just in case anyone thinks mentioning steak is being arrogant).
I love the look, smell, taste, sound and feel of my partner and he makes it very obvious he feels the same about me. It would be so hard to try to think of someone else with all that going on. I'm pretty sure the effort needed will kill the vibe even if I wanted to.

At any point would turn me off, but once in a blue moon is not as bad as every single time. Some posts on this thread to seem to suggest it’s a regular I occurrence 🙃

I agree.

And I don’t think it’s insecure to want you partner to be attracted to you and thinking if you while in bed with you. I think that’s just a reasonable desire.

But of you are steak dinners every day for X number of years with no variety, then you may very well start to.imagine having a Cornish pasty. The reason a steak dinner is seen as top tier is because you don't have it all the time.

I don’t think food analogies work well in this context. A person you fancy and love is not a piece of steak…. You can’t get ‘fed up’ of a person in the same way. Yes relationships might (almost certainly do) lose the spark they began with, but some couples do manage to keep things interesting. And I don’t think that has to involve both pretending that you’re with someone else 😂

The analogy didn't work because somedays my partner is steak... Sometimes he's cheese on toast .. Sometimes he's a dirty burger .. Sometimes he's afternoon tea at the ritz.

I'll never get bored

If you want variety then don't commit to eating the same dish every night. Noone is forcing you to do so.

But also... I'm not following... you're having steak everyday and getting bored.... but yet steak is classed as top tier because you don't have it all the time?

If you're having steak every day and steak is top tier.... why the hell wouldn't you want top tier?

Yes; the food analogies don’t work. You should think your partner is top tier and be happy and attracted enough to not think of whoever else during your most intimate time 😂

I don’t know about men, but I know I do.

Is there a reason you don't want to think about your partner though?
Would you tell them?

I am amazed at how many women on here think men are so good at multitasking!!

Have I thought about other women while in a relationship, yes, but whilst DTD, I can hand on heart say never. I think if most guts are into you, then all that's needed is what's in front of you, surely? Or maybe I've only had sex with women I am attracted to.

That's what I thought!!
It takes an awful lot of thought and concentration to mentally erase who you are physically with and replace them with a mental image surely???

Don't want to think about your partner. Lol. It's a flashing moment not a deliberate attempt to pretend they're someone else.

It might be for some.

Yes I think it probably would. It might even be the sign of a relationship in trouble. To me it sounds like too much effort and maybe a bit off-putting to the person thinking it.

But I don't think this (and some of the other recent posts on this thread) reflect what I reckon a lot of people's minds actually do during sex. They aren't necessarily fixed on one thing. They been roam this way and that. People differ. That's been my viewpoint throughout. Not clenching my imagination and fixating on someone who isn't there.

I find that I get the best out of sex when I fantasise about situations that arouse me. They don’t always include him.

He has asked what I was thinking about on occasions. Usually prompted by me getting there extremely quickly. If he asks I tell him.

Thanks for this, and interesting username…. I take it you’re a fan of huge breasts 😂

To be honest, I think it couldn’t happen to me because I very very carefully select who I’d date (out of those who ask). I would never sleep with a man who I thought was not over keen on me, and you do get a vibe in person and can do social media detective work to find out what a man is into physically.

If I slept with a man whose type I’m not? Yeah, it could and probably would happen. But I’ll never do that.

I don’t think this (my desire to only want men who are physically attracted and enough to focus on me in bed) stems from insecurity, it’s just a preference and I think that’s valid. Obviously others can have their own personal preferences and standards and that’s fine.

When I said that sexless/low frequency sex relationships or marriages are like being roommates, I just meant that the physical intimacy has gone, and that is a big part of romantic relationships, for most people at least. Especially younger people’s; generally, the younger we are the higher the sex drive (and I mean generally, because to be honest it is generally true). Of course love can exist without physical intimacy, but I personally wouldn’t want that at my life stage right now.

@Thetitwhisperer you didn’t answer my question 🤣