Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

It does sound insecure though OP -
to need someone really really into you prob more than you them - it sound alike you don’t feel enough and are desperately trying to insure that they only have eyes for you as anything else is unthinkable

your original post alluded to occasional thoughts - I think most people would agree it wouldn’t be great all the time and if it was needed

@Salsa2026

Interested in this bit:

can do social media detective work to find out what a man is into physically.

…. What do you mean? Are you going on your dates social media profiles to find their ex partners and check if you’re similar?

I can see why you think that, but I just think having a bf/DH who is very very into you is, just, well nice 😂. And I could be equally smitten by him… I don’t think any woman wants a man with a wandering eye, or wandering mind in bed..

Not necessarily exes, but other women they follow, like OF or “content creators” or influencers etc. Actually I avoid any man who follows hundreds of random profiles with Facetuned images and/or videos like the plague.

In fairness, if a man was following OF or “content creators” at all on their public social media page, he’s not for me.

My mother might well add him on Facebook one day, and does not need to see that he’s following Tiffany Tits on there.

Yes I guess it’s what we all look for - but long term relationships ebb and flow

Exactly, it’s just a turn off, a huge ick as Gen Z says.

That’s true, but the ebbs probably come later as we age? And some couples more than others I’d imagine.

This is very interesting. You think the two are exclusive? 😃

Which two?

Don’t worry the ebbs happen pretty early - part of life

Being completely smitten with a person (and it fits without saying completely faithful to them) and having what you describe as a wandering mind in bed.

Yes I do think they are exclusive. If you’re smitten I think you’re far less likely go
imagine someone else in bed!

Bother my poor old eyes. That was meant to be a reply to @Salsa2026 .

Smitten to me is the infatuation period to me at the beginning that is nothing to do with love and longevity - it fizzles out

Yes

My (poor old) eyes are only for my DW and while we are long past young love (good grief I'm sounding ancient) I am still smitten, in a different way.

No one should be judged for limiting who they date whatever the reason (I will add that if it means they miss out on someone really nice that's the punishment in itself). So there's no judgement from me about your romantic choices. But to say that a person can't be both be smitten and have lingering thoughts about other people during sex is a very different sort of point and one I do disagree with as in my own case it's false. No more a problem than dancing salsa or a nice bachata.

Lingering thoughts of others whilst having sex with your wife?
Just urrgh

@Catullus5 - but what do you mean by lingering thoughts?

I meant smitten in the sense of very attracted physically.

This.

I've made quite a few posts on this thread and I've explained what I mean in them.

And urrgh to you both!

You’re entitled to your perspective and that’s fine, I don’t judge you for it. I just personally wouldn’t like a boyfriend to have “lingering thoughts of others” in bed, but I’ve you and your DW are both happy with that then it’s not a problem.

How old are you just out of interest, if you don’t mind saying?

Well, you have judged me for it. I assume that's what the urrgh was about. I don't judge your preference though I do judge being the thought police.

I'm old enough to have been married for decades. And yes it works for us. We know you don't stop finding other people attractive just because one's in a relationship. We just know neither of us would act on it.