He said my sister's name

[Zebrabottle]

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

Irrational like calling someone's sister's name when they finish????
That's the biggest ick ever. And the lie in the immediate aftermath makes it worse

I wouldn't suspect my sister (naive perhaps), I'd be more concerned my husband is thinking of her while having sex with me!
The thought of it...

Yes, it actually matters.
Why burden myself with a man (and having sex with him), if he'd say my sister's name?!
As per PP, fuck him off.
Quite agree.

It could well have been a joke. You all know how our sense of humour rarely knits with yours.

But, looking on the bright side, at least it wasn't your brother's name!

I’m inclined to believe there is nothing going on on with your sister.

But I do think your sister was on his mind in some way - and he’s never going to admit that.

Maybe he fantasises about her - some men get off on the idea of something taboo rather than the person specifically.

Or maybe he was thinking about something family-related - “ I promised I’d go and fix Kate’s shed at the weekend” - and he doesn’t want to admit that he was thinking about that during sex.

I suppose the idea of a neural connection that a PP suggested is possible - but isn’t it a coincidence that his brain just happened to link to the (presumably attractive) sister and not say, a brother, father etc?

I don’t think you’ll ever get an honest answer OP. But if all else is good in your relationship it’s not worth chucking it all away for.

I’d be hurt and wary though - and I certainly wouldn’t have been having sex with him two days later. For me that kind of brushes it under the carpet as an “ah well, never mind” kind of moment and regardless of what he said, I think what happened deserves to be acknowledged as a fairly significant slip that could have dire consequences.

Well it is a good sign he brought it up.

I'm surprised he got near you that quickly: I think I'd have been sleeping in a locked chastity belt covered by a zipped up wetsuit for a few weeks at least, and I hope he didn't bring it up just to soften you up.

But a good development on the whole OP, and I'm glad you haven't let this affect your feelings for your DSis.

Ha - we have sex most nights so it was nothing to do with him softening me up. It would've been stranger not to.

My sister and I text all the time and I haven't noticed any change in tone or frequency. I was thinking maybe he would mention it to her and she might over compensate or go quiet but there is no difference at all. I really do believe him. Maybe more fool me but for now I do.

I genuinely think this has nothing to do with involvement from your sister.

I couldn't put my hand on my heart and say I'm sure he doesn't have a bit of a fantasy thing for your sister, but let's hope not I guess...

I do think it was good he raised it.

Good.
Binning him for this would be bonkers.
And if you’re shagging every night it doesn’t sound as if he’s being deprived.
More surprising if he’s got energy to spare for your sister

That sounds eminently sensible, OP. You know him better than we do! 💗

I was upset but there was no chance of anything dramatic happening without hard evidence. And our chat yesterday was the opposite.
We do have a sex life that I guess most people would think was pretty good. It's not wildly energetic by any means, and we have been together for over ten years but he definitely doesn't go without and never has. Which again makes me less likely to believe he would seek it elsewhere. But obviously I will keep an eye (and ear) out.

He was hardly going to confess to thinking about her was he? But only you know him OP and if you think he's telling you the truth...

Fair play to you, OP. I don't think I could have sex with him again. I find it a struggle knowing that a partner could be fantasising about another woman while with me - and IMO - reducing me to nothing more than a masturbatory tool for his fantasies - but actually hearing him say another woman's name? And my sisters? I couldn't get past that.

I'm glad you're happy to move past it.

Definitely not a joke. But don't mention it to your sister.

Do people really get so lost in sex they forget who they are with?

Err fair if you want to forgive and forget about this, but this would sit really really badly with me.

I think I'd find it funny if my husband did it - but then I know there is no way he would fantasise about my sister. He did say his ex-wife's name during his wedding speech though! He meant to say "I would like to thank my wife Sue" but instead of my name said his ex wife's! It didn't upset me as my bridemaid had the same name as his ex wife and so I knew he was thinking ahead to the "I'd like to thank the bridemaid" bit. My family didn't know his ex wife so wouldn't have thought anything of it, but I did wonder what his family thought! They are too reserved to mention it though, so I'll never know!

Is his name Ross?

Undoubtedly, this is an awful thing to experience and I think you should discuss how it made your feel with your husband, but I don't agree with people that's he's definitely having fantasies about her. I don't think it's that simple. I imagine he said it was a joke because he felt awkward and that was the first thing he thought to say. It's a ridiculous thing to say as I'm sure he wouldn't be that cruel, but I expect that's why he said it.

I hate to admit this, but I once called my partner his sister's name and believe me I definitely wasn't having fantasies about her. If your relationship is strong and you said you thought it was before this happened, I would trust in your relationship. Good luck.

No - it was said during the speeches, not in the church, so hadn't seen the comparison before!

For what its worth, I often have brain farther moments and mix up names and words... no romantic mix ups yet, im sure my hubby would be very unimpressed if I called him a different name during or after "the deed"

Only you know if this means anything or not. It’s hurtful but I personally think that’s all it is from what you have said.
Its just weirded you out, it would me too! Once my sister came in the room we were going out for a very fancy dinner and she looked stunning, eveyone noticed but my husband just splurtred out ‘wow you look incredible’ and it was so embarrassing as he wasn't that close to her at the time, and it was so genuine it was almost awkward if that makes sense! I actually cried in the bathroom about it . But it’s not the same, I’m just saying I understand the confusion and hurt, because it’s your sister it’s doubly weird! Anyway I hope you can just forget about it and it’s just one of those silly things you can laugh about one day! x

Imagine he started calling you Dave after! :D I'm joking

Without being too rude, on saying a different name, was he facing you? I would find it easier to believe he was fantizing about someone else if he was from behind for example and didn't see you face

I'm not commenting on the positions involved but it was after he'd finished and he was next to me. I wasn't looking his way so I don't know where he was looking.

Sounds like you have resolved it now and I hope it was a one off occurance, well done for rising above it

I wouldn't say that. I could certainly relate! I've found myself dissociating on occasions and saying similar things. X