He said my sister's name

[Zebrabottle]

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

He probs fantasised about her before and just slipped up now. Oh dear.

Another vote for an innocent mistake.

I too often mix up family names, and remember once when in intimate congress with my partner, calling out "Colin!", the name of our budgerigar.

I’ve been known to call my daughter by MY own name 😆

Exactly. That is not a joke 😞.

OP, if everything is good otherwise, don’t overthink it and let it go. Everyone has weird thoughts sometimes that they are themselves embarrassed about. If he is not cagey about, he maybe wondering himself WTF?

Also, after a business trip my DH might call me a name of his colleague occasionally for a couple of days - man’s name too, it’s just our weird brains.

Unacceptable. My ex once said his exes name, it was not a pleasant experience.

Perhaps the "brain fart" explanation makes sense if you and your sister have been doing a load of stuff together lately, so that her name comes up a lot in conversation and he's got you both filed mentally in the same drawer...?

In same compartment of the drawer labelled " sex" ?

Yes, it's horribly weird in this circumstance and I posted upthread saying that. I'm just wondering about the "brain fart" possibility, as the consequences are otherwise catastrophic!

But brain connections are often mysterious and less clear cut than that. If there was a book sisters name had spoken about that was in his peripheral vision a brief neuron connection could have happened that he was unaware of. Maybe for a brief second when he looked at his wife she had an expression that unconsciously reminded him of an expression he sees the sister make. Maybe the sheets on the bed were used on the spare bed last time the sister came to stay. Brains are weird and messy firings of electrical impulses and memories, not neat drawers labelled and locked away.

I think you need to say look, it's clearly not a joke, no-one decent would make a joke like that. So either we look it in the eye together and you are honest with me, or I will be forced to believe that there is something serious happening.

@Zebrabottle my first thought would be he thinks of your sister in that way.
It would be the end for me .
Id say nothing and get my self sorted to leave.

I must say I find it weird that some pp are seemingly bending over backwards to give this man a get out clause.

If it was just a strange brain aberration why on earth would he have reacted the way he did?
If he had respect andliove for OP he wouldn't have first denied it and then said it was a joke.
He must have known how hurtful and strange this was so why not reassure OP that it was meaningless and he didn't know why he said it or whatever rather than trying to make it her fault that she heard him say this?

I once said bye love you to my male boss (I definitely did not or think of him that way) and was similarly bumbling about it because I was so shocked and embarrassed it had come out of my mouth. He is an idiot yes but I would absolutely be bumbling if I called my husband the wrong name in bed. I don’t think its enough to hang the guy on.

Urgh sorry op x

Because you were probbably distracted at the time. That's very different to just having had sex with someone you love.

Edit - I'd forgotten 'to' so added it.

How long since her name was in conversation?

Yep, this.

Absolutely this!

I'm making a wild guess on what I'm about to say next & probably a million miles away on this one but ...I was thinking of the Catherine/Kate thing and running through names in my head that could apply to that model. So if by any chance this is an Annabel/Belle thing, and the phrase was actually fucking hell, Belle... Well then that could easily be just some unconnected glitch... which he then at the last moment realised was damning hence the silly denials... perhaps because a phrase like hells bells popped into his head, his brain did the weird things described above by @PurpleNightingale maybe due to the split second realisation that he shouldn't say hells bells because of Belle... And he ended up saying Belle anyway. Equally if it really had been Kate, I can easily see someone slipping up and saying Kate after "fucking hell" because of the whole "fucking hell, mate" phrase. Even if "fucking hell, mate" Or hells bells are not phrases that he has ever used himself, it could have popped into his head because a co-worker had used it or whatever.

Those are two examples I can think of, but I suspect there may be some other names that fit into that category... where they rhyme with something that has in popular culture gone along with "fucking hell". (I expect your sister isn't called Glove though, OP!) Sending you lots of love and support for whatever happens.

I would not say anything to your sister.
I would wait and not mention it again to him so he thinks you have forgot about it.

But I would try and look at his phone and watch any interactions between him and your sister.

This is appallingly unfortunate and if there is nothing to it, it’s the Freudian slip of the decade.
I’d start with an open mind and the benefit of the doubt. He’s a good man. You have a good relationship with him. You are close to your sister. They don’t to your knowledge ever meet without you. You don’t believe your sister would ever cheat and certainly not with you husband.
all you have is a relatively common name blurted out in the heat of the moment and a stupid denial, followed by the “joke” comment.
He needs to explain his thought process and it needs to be a copper-bottomed believable explanation but don’t blow up your relationship with your sister over this. Keep this between yourself and your husband. You need to get him to understand how he has made you feel. He should at the v least be hugely apologetic and looking to make amends.

Thanks again everyone. We have spoken about it since. Last night he brought it up when he came home, and said he felt really bad about it and didn't know why he'd done it. He wasn't thinking of her, and was immediately ashamed of his mistake hence denying it and then making a joke of it, because he didn't know what to do in the heat of the moment.

I know many of you won't believe him, but I judged his tone and sincerity, and the fact that I know him, and have given him the benefit of the doubt. And then when we had sex last night there was no reoccurrence which would clearly have been the last straw although he would have to have been a genuine buffoon to have had it happen again. I bet he was concentrating very hard on it not happening again!

I will probably naturally be a bit vigilant now of him, especially around my sister. But I love them both so much, and my sister has really been my best friend my entire life. It would be so devastating because it is so unlikely.

You had sex with him two nights after he said your sisters name during sex….?

He was looking for an excuse : innocent or guilty he could have said the same.

This is a great update. People say the most irrational things sometimes. In a long and happy marriage some WTF moments are going to happen. You sound like you’ve found a good equilibrium OP.