He said my sister's name

[Zebrabottle]

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

Unfortunately having sex with the same person for the rest of your life can get dull for a lot of people, and many men and women fantasise about sex with other people during sex with their long-term partner.

Having said that, that your DH actually said your sister’s name out loud either means he wants to goad you, or that he has a full on crush and thinks about her constantly.

It's actually pretty common and normal to call out someone else's name during sex and it does not mean the person is thinking about that person or having sex with them. Your husband probably felt awful/embarrassed and that may be why he said he was joking.

Please don't get upset or worry over this OP, it was most likely just a genuine human brain glitch that could happen to any of us.

that was what I wanted to know too, but we do in the context of the OP's post at 15.31.

well he does, I have a complete aversion to using anyone's name At All when speaking directly to them

@Zebrabottle 🤗 I don't even know what to say. I'd be shocked & devastated & scared if what this means for our future. So nit much help, but lots of love xx

It's not your sister's fault or concern that he did that so no point telling her. If anything it might make her think you're accusing her of an affair with him.

I'd say it must be fantasy and he maybe does fancy your sister a little (this isn't massively uncommon if siblings look alike) or maybe just the taboo of being with his partner's sister? I'm not excusing it condoning it but it doesn't necessarily mean he'd ever actually try it on with her. Or that he fancies you any less.

I'm not sure how much trying to talk in depth about the reasons behind it would help. As he probably can't or won't be able to explain it in a satisfactory way. That's not to say your feeling hurt isn't totally understandable.

How is your relationship apart from this?

He was thinking of your sister rather than you. Horrible.

This is worth considering @Zebrabottle. Are you close enough with your sister that you’d talk to her about something like this if it was bothering you? Maybe don’t say you found out he’s having an affair, (because this isn’t true) just tell her he used someone else’s name immediately after sex. Don’t say it was hers, choose a different name. See how she reacts.

Orgasm produces rapid chemical change in the brain.
He might not be conscious of what he said or why he said it.
https://www.hims.com/blog/post-nut-clarity

He’s not shagging her but he wants to.

So sorry OP.

He’s disgusting.

Next time he wants sex, ask him, with me or my sister?

Honestly me too! We were just chatting at the time, in my head I was replaying a conversation I’d had earlier that day. So as my boyfriend said something I said “oh ‘Tom’ give over” type of thing. So mine wasn’t sexually related in the heat of the moment. I genuinely could not believe I did it. He was a bit pissed, rightly so 😬

well yes there is because if OP trusts her sister more than her DH she can ask her sister if there’s been any contact to rule that out before she investigates further. definitely don’t brush it under the carpet

im guessing its both

There's not a thread on Relationships where a man doesn't get accused of having an affair. Don't mess up your relationship with your sister for something stupid on here.

Yes you need to get this resolved with your H but don't lose perspective. You have the upper hand right now. Keep it.

Yes, this OP.

Keep your Dsis out of it, and your relationship with her unharmed, till you know what you are dealing with.

That’s uncalled for.

Does your sister have a common name? Could he have an ex (or a fantasy ex, like a celeb he likes)with that name? Not saying that 's great, but honest partners have sometimes made a genuine mistake, not because they're cheating, but human idiocy/memory, like when you call your gym mate the name of the gym mate you had ten years ago. Except a million times worse.

Litrally same thing happenened to me but he used to say her name in his sleep..turns out everything I thought was true.

Hmmm in all honesty, OP, is your sister a type who you think he would fancy?

(Unless the answer is a definite yes, I would say don't worry - it could well just be a slip of the tongue and then he knew how awful it sounded so he tried to cover it up stupidly)

Sorry but how exactly does the OP have the upper hand?
She is hurt and bewildered, and as far as we know her H still hasnt been honest with her about why he was thanking her sister for the good sex he had just enjoyed. I don't see how she has the upper hand at all.

My ex husband did this . I found out after divorce he was indeed messing about with my sister. Ducks in a row op

Really? Sounds formal. "That feels good, David." I suppose you might have to use their name if it's a threesome, but apart from that...!

OP, no advice, sorry. 💐

Tell your sister. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know!

Isn’t it more likely he’s having an affair with someone who shares your sister’s name, rather than your actual sister?

If it's a common name, and you're not suspicious of your sister, it's more likely he was referring to someone else. Maybe a colleague, friend's partner, an acquaintance? Either way he denied it and tried to take it back - which says something about guilt.

Full admission; I did that once, many years ago. It was certainly involuntary! We both laughed it off at the time. I suppose that comes back to the 'how common is your sister's name' thing.