He said my sister's name

[Zebrabottle]

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

Sounds like he has a wee but if a crush. Can you live with that? If not you know what to do.

They are about as close as I am to his brother, I would say (to be clear I am not shagging his brother!). They get on alright, never to my knowledge meet without me being there. They are the same age but then again I am two years younger and what difference does it make at 40?

I just couldn't see my sister doing this. She is married too, never had any kind of chat with me about other blokes ever. Right back to when we were teenagers I've never known her be unfaithful to a partner or be particularly voracious around men or whatever. Just typical stuff like me. We don't discuss her sex life much but what we have discussed doesn't make me think it's a problem.

And my husband has never done anything like this before either. I have never even suspected any other women. We get on fine, have regular good sex, don't argue. He doesn't behave in a way which makes me suspicious (til last night). Oh dear.

Does he work/have contact with someone who has the same name? Not necessarily your sister he was mentioning

I’m sorry OP. This sounds awful for you.
i think you need to talk to him further. See how he explains what he said.
it could not be your sister, could be someone else with the same name. It doesn’t mean she’s involved. Could’ve his gross little fantasy. Either way he has some explaining to do.

Hold on to this. He had a fleeting thought of your sister or someone with her name and said it. Sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise. It must have been painful and embarrassing, but think of it like this, I bet most people's husbands and many wives have thought about someone else during sex, a friend colleague, their spouses relative. It will literally happen all the time, they have just not said the name.

@Zebrabottle how did your H explain this as a "joke". What exactly were you meant to find funny and to whom did he say he was referring?

the update makes it even worse, during he’s clearly fantasising about her, after finishing he’s accidentally called you the wrong name and is sleeping with her or someone with the same name. what’s your relationship like with your sister? how certain can you be it isn’t her?

I thought this too

Don’t tackle your sister yet, if they’re not having an affair she will think you’re both nuts and have nothing to do with you.
check his phone , but I’d be getting your ducks in a row with finances and possibly of a divorce.
i don’t see how you get back from this one.

@Zebrabottle I may be going against the grain here, but mixing up family members happens a lot when we speak in our family. Sometimes I call my son by the dogs name, or my MIL calls my husband by her brothers name, or my Mum would shout the wrong kids name.
If this is what happened it would be the most awful timing ever but its definitely possible for people's brain to make innocent connections between family members without it meaning he was thinking dirty thoughts about her.

Do your names both start with the same letter? Had she or something to do with her come up in conversation recently? Sometimes the brain just picks the wrong rabbit from the hat, especially when tired, stressed, or emotional.

I've come close to calling my partner by the wrong name several times before, and have actually done it once or twice, with absolutely nothing untoward going on.

I'm sorry op: it's a horrible situation.

FWIW I don't think anything really suggests your DSis is having an affair, so at least it's not a double betrayal.

Fantasising is such a tricky issue. Cheating is putting desires into real action, which is, well, cheating. But many people would argue fantasising is in a different category, normal even. I'm not sure how I see it, or how I'd rationalise it in your position, but if it is your DSis that is a real problem in the sense that I wouldn't want him round her.

I call my pets by mixed up names, my kids sometimes, but never ever ever have i called DH his brothers name during or after sex. If I had done that - it'd be because I'd have been thinking about his brother. Ops DH was imagining he was shagging her sister, people fantasise. Problem is, it was her sister. It's inescapably shit and probably un come-backable.

I do the same, but the OP said he tried to make out it was a joke. That would be a deliberate mis-naming, not a mistake/slip of the tongue.

All depends really - how hot is your sister?

Hmm I would stay quiet but keep an eye on things. Try and check his contacts personally and work for similar names that aren’t your sister.

We tried using symbols but it just wasn’t the same.

😂

I’d kick him out immediately.
Isn’t this the usual MN response?

Ew. I'd be done having sex with him for a good while. And I would probably dig some, to be honest.

If it's a common name then it sounds like he has another woman but not your sister.

He's already gaslighting you if you think you are over reacting.

Wow!

it doesn't necessarily mean he is cheating, or with your sister. But yes, it means something. Whether he said that name because it was just in his head for whatever reason or because he was fantasiszing, you'll likely never know.
The issue here is why was that name in his head, right after having sex with you.
And the biggest red flag is his denying he said it to start with, and then telling you it was a joke. That means he is fully aware he said the name and then tried to cover it up. By first denying it and then framing it as a joke so he could shunt some of the blame on you as not being able to take a joke most likely - with the ultimate goal of shutting down any further questions by making you feel like you're the one with no sense of humour.

Think about how you would have reacted if you'd said someones name in that situation with zero context. Lets say you'd had a stressful day at work, someone had pissed you off and for whatever reason you still weren't fully over it and blurted that name out innocently because the day was still playing on your mind. I bet your reaction wouldn't have been denial and then 'oh it was a joke'. I bet it would have been sheer horror followed instantly by something along the lines of 'oh my god, I'm so sorry, i've had such a shit day and its all still in my head' followed by complete reassurance over the whole thing.

Non innocent things tend be instantly followed some attempt to cover it up if outright denial doesn't do the trick.

I'd be digging into what his work collegues/gym buddies/mates friends are called. And if you are noticing he is out more/working late etc. Or he could be fantasising about your sister. Which is also very shit, and unless he can reassure you the exact reason as to why he said that name, I feel you'll have a very hard time moving on from this. |Especially every time you and he are spending time with your sister (who, from what you have said might be blissfully unware).

My suggestion is to sit him down and demand an answer. And 'it was a joke' is NOT an answer, its a coverup.

You are playing this over and over and reading a lot of suggestions on here, when you should be having a serious discussion with him.
How can he justify saying it as 'a joke'? Did he not discuss it this morning/today or has he just ignored it? He must know you have had a shock, are unhappy so he needs to treat it seriously. Unless he is willing to address it then your relationship is in serious trouble. If he refuses or is dismissive then you can make your decision on how you go forward.