He said my sister's name

[Zebrabottle]

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

He’s a terrible liar.

Whats the rest of your relationship like? Has he any form for negging or manipulation?

Where is the shocked emoji when you need it?!

😂😂😂

He’s either shagging your sister or he’s shagging someone with the same name as your sister.

Start digging.

Sounds like I could be a joke. I’d let it go, but just be wary.

Please can you explain the joke?

I don't know but im sorry op thats just horrible.

I would almost want therapy to get through that....

1. DON'T tell your sister. What is the point? The issue here is he is fantasising about her. That doesn't for a moment suggest he is sleeping with her - or that she has any idea. It will gross her out and forever be between you if she is totally innocent. If something comes out to make you suspicious, then deal with that then but nothing so far suggest she has the faintest idea.
2. He was not joking. If he was joking he would not have tried to deny it first. He'd have acknowledged it as the hilarious joke that it obviously isn't.
3. I couldn't get past this. There isn't really an explanation as to why her name would have popped out in that context except that he is using you as a substitute (and I'm so sorry to say that, but I think you need to see it for what it is).

... and the best way to uncover if he is having an affair with her is for you to protest her innocence.

I'd tell him you can't face sex with him now (and I bet you really cannot) and that your sister would be repulsed he was thinking about her.

Let's see what that uncovers...

It wasn't a joke, so he is lying about that.
Why do you assume it was your sister he was referring to? I imagine it's someone else, with the same name.
Could I move past my partner saying someone else's name during sex? No, probably not. Not unless they were mortified and desperate to show me it didn't mean anything. Even then, maybe not.

I can't see how he can come back from that. It's hideous. You are right to be really pissed off with him.

I’m not sure there’s an emoji befitting…! 😬

Sorry OP, with it being right at the end as well it does sound like he was thinking of her and/or forgot which of you was there. There’s still the possibility it was a mere slip of the tongue, but in that context with that timing I don’t know 💖 I hope you can get the truth.

Ugh that’s horrendous.

But I must admit, I was in bed one time, just before dtd, I said an ex’s name, which also happened to be my bil’s name too. Now in my head I was replaying a conversation I’d had with bil that day, and his name just came out my mouth instead of my boyfriend’s 🤷‍♀️ I’d like to think that’s what happened here OP but I very much doubt it, given your update about when/how it actually happened.

I find it so hard to understand how that kind of muddle up happens!

I mean my GM used to do it with us all ("Cousin A, ah, no, Cousin B, no Cousin C") but that was for the very reason we were all filed in the same file in her brain under "My Grandchildren".

basically its like that episode of rules of engagement, where they both make out they think of each other but infact they think of who they want to think about

Well he’s either shagging her or wants to.

You are right to be suspicious but only you know your DH and your sister. Are they generally close? Similar ages, sense of humour etc? Do they have opportunities for an affair? It’s probably nothing but I’d have a small amount of doubt too. I probably wouldn’t bring it up to either of them again at the moment but I would be vigilant which is very sad.

It’s obviously not a joke.

I would assume he was also shagging another woman with that name.

This. I cannot imagine how he would otherwise mix you up? I could see him saying an ex or whatever, but my SISTER? No. I would be highly suspicious.

😳 I think I'd have thrown up.

I was going to say was he Jaime Lannister 🤣

I agree with this. Not to pour fuel on the fire, but I actually think your update makes it worse. If it was 'during' then possibly a fantasy, but 'after' sounds like he went on autopilot and forgot who he was talking to. So sorry OP. This does sound a really grim situation.

I'm so sorry but this makes it worse. When having sex with my husband I nearly said someone else's name. Was totally thinking about them. Still love them. Sex with them was better. So I do worry there is something untoward going on here.

For those that might ask, be thinking stuff and to avoid any derailing. Divorced h due to his actions.

Forgot who he was with?? Bloody hell.