I dont have to be a grand-nanny.

[WaryBlueFish]

I dont feel obligated to provide full time childcare to grandchildren and here is why. I am a 110% mother. I devoted my life to my kids. I worked full time but still managed to run a clean, happy organized home with family dinners every night despite the multitude of activities my kids were in. I did it all and I completely lost myself in the process. I have zero regrets, but that doesnt mean I am now willing to sign the rest of my life over to the next generation. I am happy to be the back up, to show up for their sports and events, to cover emergencies like snow days and holidays. I may even consider being "summer camp". But no, I am not doing a FT care job. I did my time. I am tired. I deserve to look forward to an actual retirement in 7 years.

I used that phrase and I stand by it.

I didn't take naturally to motherhood. I oftentimes found it monotonous and tedious. I love my children but I can't honestly say that I love being a parent. The constant worry, the overwhelming love, the litany of problems.

It absolutely can feel like a prison sentence and women shouldn't be shamed for feeling like it. I think that attitude has contributed to women feeling obligated to be mothers, if I'm being honest.

And truth be told, the amount of women on here alone who seem to struggle with, or need a break from, even just having one child and juggling said child with work etc is proof that it really isn't for everyone.

In many ways, it feels like you get your life back when they're older. So being shamed or guilted or made to feel somehow obliged to do it all again, even on a smaller scale, is very unfair.

I never expected or asked my mother to take on any sort of caring role for my children. Now that she and my dad are older and sick, I care for them. I don't resent this at all just because they didn't help raise my children. It's entirely different, IMO.

Sounds like that you have had lots of replies from those who use their parents in this way.
I totally agree with you, I’m still working and will be doing until at least 67. I run a large home and garden plus working, dog walks and all else plus a 17yr at home. My older children don’t have kids yet so I will be even older . Happy to play a part but no more than two days a week If I’m not working full time then . Lots have 30 hrs free child care so hopefully those hours will be used as well x

I am tired even though I myself work with children professionally, I come home and don’t have much energy to do things in the evening that I would love to do .

I don't think that's true.

Women now aged 50-70 now had mothers who were broadly at home when their kids were.

Naturally those women went into motherhood with a certain idea of what it would be like, based on their own childhoods. But their own experience of mothering was much, much harder. They were financially required to work outside the home to a much greater degree than the generation before them, while still shouldering exactly the same burden of Woman Work. They were much more likely to be geographically distant from their own parents. Those parents might themselves have been, because of how society was changing, less supportive as grandparents than previous generations.

It was exhausting. It was enraging, for those of us who could allow themselves to see (internalised misogyny meant many didn't) how our husbands were not going through an equivalent shock and were somehow able to avoid stepping up in any way shape or form (for those of you who have never quite understand what 'the patriarchy' means, this is a good example of the patriarchy at work).

When you add in a generation of kids who have had - because of the era in which they themselves grew up - far greater likelihood of MH problems, and are facing AI and all the horrors of global capitalism, and might never leave home - we're just fucking exhausted.

I've devoted my life (with my own ND issues) to my children. I have nothing left to give. I absolutely dread either of them having children as I know my socialised guilt and my absolute love for them will mean that I will once again not have a single pathetic moment to be quiet, to be myself, to think what might actually interest me and do it.

Nobody:
OP: I DON’T WANT TO DO CHILDCARE

Why is everyone so snippy about this post?
There are loads of posts I'm not interested in so I just scroll on by

It doesn’t sound like it to me. It sounds like an interested grandma who also wants a retirement for herself, AS WELL as being an interested grandma.

Isn’t that how it reads to you?

OK then........

How many of these have you started? It’s weird.

Iv only seen two.....where are all the others ?

Sorry but you’re not a ‘110% mother’ if you think your job is ever done - you are talking about it all in the past tense. Totally fair not to give full time childcare but one day a week could make a massive difference to your children and not much difference to you. The stuff you said though would be a lot by some people’s standards, it’s more the attitude of ‘I did my time’ that gets me. Did you get no help from your parents?

That’s an odd take. Did your family stop caring at 18 so you carried that tradition onto your own kids when they became 18? That’s really very sad and I pity you. I recently consoled my 20 something son over his broken relationship. He came home to mum for a few days as he needed me for emotional support, which I was very glad to give. A few days later he left and felt stronger and more focused. If your post is genuine (🤔) it’s a sad one.

It reads to me like OP is answering a question no one has asked.

I mean it is a bit of a prison sentence. When my two were babies/toddlers we referred to life being in the trenches. 😂🙈 My 6 year old went to the toilet himself this morning and I was still in bed (it was 7am) thinking thank goodness we are past the nappy and wiping bum stage.

I found the toddler years really hard and if I'm honest at times boring. Playing make belief, constantly on the edge of your seat at the climbing stage, the tantrum stage, the throwing toys stage, the constantly watching them incase they put something in their mouth, refusing to nap, Pepa Pig on repeat, constantly changing clothes, potty training, melt downs if you give them a red cup instead of an orange cup, constant runny noses etc etc. They needed entertaining and watched all day. You get more breaks at work. It's exhausting. I love my kids, they are so much easier now that they are a bit more independent and are so much fun to be around. They make me smile every day but the toddler stage was tough and the days were very long. It's so liberating when you can finally pop upstairs to put clothes away or jump in the shower for 10mins. I don't think it's fair for a pensioner to have to do all that for 9/10 hours a day especially regularly.

Good for you. My children are very aware if they choose to have children, they must sort out the child care. I too worked full time, shopped, cooked, and kept a clean home, it can be done. Both me and my dh retire in August, luckily for us we are both able to, at the age of 60. We get excellent work pensions and also private pensions. We worked hard, our children tell us they had wonderful childhoods, but now its our turn. I would certainly help out if a child could not go to nursery or school due to sickness, things like that, but that's were it stops. I have had leukemia twice, my husband bowel cancer once. We are absolutely fine now, but we need and want to do so many things, & thats what we will do. No one knows what's around the corner, so make the best of what we have got, and that's exactly what we are going to do..

What is with all the negative responses on here it absolutely baffles me! I quite agree with what this lady has said but if I didn’t… keep on scrolling! Are you people actually taking time out of your day to leave a snarky response! Jeez what a load of negative nancys!

It’s because the same person keeps posting the same question over and over to the point of being ridiculous

I thought the same. I do find it’s a sport on MN to be snippy, which is rarely helpful.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 16/04/2026 14:46
Is this another thread about disinterested grandmas'?

No. As far as I can see, it might be about uninterested grandmas, but I can't be arsed to check. A whole different thing, of course.

Unless I expand more on exactly what I mean, I could equally mean uninterested or disinterested. I mean disinterested though. If she was uninterested, she wouldn't have started the thread.