I dont have to be a grand-nanny.

[WaryBlueFish]

I dont feel obligated to provide full time childcare to grandchildren and here is why. I am a 110% mother. I devoted my life to my kids. I worked full time but still managed to run a clean, happy organized home with family dinners every night despite the multitude of activities my kids were in. I did it all and I completely lost myself in the process. I have zero regrets, but that doesnt mean I am now willing to sign the rest of my life over to the next generation. I am happy to be the back up, to show up for their sports and events, to cover emergencies like snow days and holidays. I may even consider being "summer camp". But no, I am not doing a FT care job. I did my time. I am tired. I deserve to look forward to an actual retirement in 7 years.

Yes I have been lucky, I retired just before DGC was born. I was very apprehensive, it's quite worrying having the responsibility of some else's child.

DGC has sleepovers with us on the occasional Saturday night so this may be an option for you.

You have chosen to ignore how I am happy to be the back up, the emergency, possibly even the "summer camp" one day, but not full time care. I guess for you it is all or nothing. One day your parents may expect you to care for them full time. Lets see if you are so magnanimous.

Its what Mums Net assigned. I cant come up with yet another clever username or complex password either.

🥱

Oh indeed I love a sleepover or a weekend. I still work though. I just dont wish to be locked into a set FT thing. Once I retire I may see about a day or two a week, but I want to have control and not feel like I must reset boundaries again and again, as I am seeing with my friends who have already retired.

Is anyone actually asking you to be a full time carer?
or are you getting all in a fluster for non reason?

One day your parents may expect you to care for them full time. Lets see if you are so magnanimous.

Us parents can expect all we like - it isnt up to our children to care for us. They didnt chose to be born - WE chose to have them!!

So it IS up to us to care for them and be their support if they need us, within reason.

If you work full time, isn’t this even more of
a non issue? I wouldn’t use parents as full
time childcare for a variety of reasons but as my mum works full time, it obviously wouldn’t even be a consideration to ask her.

Most other cultures across the world think otherwise and look after their elderly in their own homes.. Including the ones that everyone is always citing when they say " It takes a village". That village lives with you in a multigenerational home and would slap you upside the face if you whined " I didn't ask to be born!"

The people in those cultures wouldn’t be saying “I’ve done my time” when it comes to looking after grandchildren though would they? So that won’t be an issue there. No one (sane) is going to say “thanks for helping me raise my children, now you can rot in old age”

Yes, but they will be living with you, or you will be expected to live with them. Often from day one of your marriage. No care homes in multigenerational cultures.

I Completely agree with you. I will not be doing that either. I hope given my children everything and the best they have, but my husband and I have sacrificed a lot in the process of giving them a very good life. I will be there to help out and obviously for emergencies and support my children as much as I can. I will not, however be any kind of full-time childcare.

I think people who expect their parents to be full-time childcare are just very entitled and selfish. You get a brief period later on in life on retirement when you are physically well enough to do all the things that you couldn’t do when you had young children, that’s when you should do it. If your children decide to have children, that’s their decision, not yours.

Yes...?

I mean if you are ok with that. Most people would not be ok living with their MIL for their entire lives. People moan on here if MIL dares stay over for 3 days.

No, I wouldn't be OK with that.

But you used people in different cultures as an argument to counter people saying they wouldn't look after parents who hadn't helped with their grandchildren. Which wouldn't be an issue in those cultures, because as you've said they all muck in and often live together, so wouldn't be any chance of not helping in either direction.

My point was there is a price to be paid for regular family help and a village.

As someone from one of those cultures, I have decided to cut the cord, provide only ad hoc childcare and save for my own care home.

👍

I do one day a week. Still working full time. Im knackered when they go home 😂. But definitely would not do it full time. Never been asked. 😂❤️❤️

No one said you have to. Calm down Grandma.

No such thing as 110%.
it doesn’t exist.

🤣

You are absolutely right - there should be absolutely no expectation on you to be a carer, childminder or nanny to your grandchildren.

Love them, babysit for them, spoil them, hand them back to their parents. I won’t be a childminder for mine when they arrive either.

You know the saying 'Just because you think it, doesn't mean you have to say it' - well that applies here. What is your motivation for coming on a website targeted at mums and making this grand statement?

😂

She doesn’t sound disinterested.