Police action after 101 call has left us separated and struggling financially

[PotatoSalad12]

Long story short! I completed a 101 form last week looking for advice regarding my home situation. I was hoping for signposting as following years of repeated behaviours, I decided I finally needed some support. Bad idea as the police took it as serious allegations and I met a threshold with the words I used on the form. They decided it was an arrestsble offence and after much to-ing and fro-ing, they eventually arrested my husband four days later.

He was released on bail in the early hours of Saturday morning. His phones (work and personal) have been retained by the police. He was escorted back to our house in order to collect his belongings and then had to leave. His conditions are no direct or indirect contact with me for 90 days and not to visit our house or "the area on the bail map" for the same time.

Over and over again I have told the police this is not the outcome I wanted, I would never have contacted them for advice if this was to be the outcome. I have even put in writing that I retract everything I have ever said to them.
The problem I now have is I cannot contact him or find out where he is. We have two primary aged children who cannot understand what is happening and I'm just telling them he's staying with a friend while trying to hold it all together.
My next biggest worry is finances. While I was the main income earner, his salary helped substantially towards the upkeep of the house. I am not going to be able to afford all of our bills over the next three months and I don't want to end up evicted or in council tax arrears because of this situation. The police never return my calls or emails and I learned yesterday that I have got a social worker coming to visit me and the children this afternoon.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? I desperately want my husband back but I can also fully understand that he doesn't know the entire situation and just sees it as me requesting his arrest, restrictions and potential sentencing when it couldn't be more opposite from the truth.

There are benefits that women fleeing abuse can get (or some discretionary leeway on bills I think ) as well as emergency grants.

Google it / citizens advice perhaps?

Money is NOT a reason to stay !

Are you saying you made a false allegation or grossly exagerrated the allegation. I don't know what you mean by 'not the outcome you wanted.' The police must have thought you were at great risk. They are often criticised for not taking enough action.

OP, if you are happy to share some information I am happy to do a calculation for you to see if you are entitled to any UC, you might be surprised.

separately, I am going to assume that the things you reported were directed towards you and not the kids, but think about what they are seeing and how that behaviour will eventually transfer to them. You need to protect your babies.
Speak to your GP or if you have an eap at work about some therapy. I know it feels beyond hard now, but you will get through it and it will be better for you and the kids. You deserve so much better than this

While I completely understand where you’re coming from (I stayed in a DV situation for years due to the financial side of leaving), I’m also not sure what was it exactly that you were expecting from the police? That they give your husband a stern talking to and let it go?

You effectively denounced the abuse and they took appropriate action. I’m honestly not understanding the “blown out of proportion” part.

The law changed so that it isn’t a factor whether you want action taken or not. The police don’t do this for no reason.

Excellent advice here.

Can you email CAB and ask for an allotted time for a phone call that you can take in your lunch hour? Not sure if they do this but it's worth an ask

Maybe she thought they would just make a record of it?

Things have massively improved from a decade ago, but when I was in a DV relationship you could often report incidents to the police, they would make a report on file but not press any charges unless the victim wanted to

You did the right thing op.
You should not live with someone who does those crimes.
You will get thru this.
Let your bills people know .
Set payment plans etc.

Offensive to who? The good people of Stockholm?

Overtime might not be that easy for her with no-one to look after kids. Not sure cancelling all their TV etc in the middle of a trauma is a great plan either.

You don’t know what you’re entitled to to if you don’t check. Go online when you’re home and find out as much as you can.

He would not have been arrested or told to stay away without good reason so accept this is the situation now. The charges you listed are serious. Social Work are likely to explain that too, and you ‘d be wise to pay attention.

Get in touch with WA/domestic abuse charities, they can help advise you on the best way forward. Also look at the Freedom Programme online too. You can make a new life for yourself and your DC and as time passes you will see more clearly what has been going on.

Claim single person discount for council tax
Tell them you have separated from your husband/partner

Contact Womens Aid for advice

What and you want him back home?
Are you for real?

We really do need the laughter emoji back!

Advice financially

apply for universal credit as a single parent, you will probably be able to get something of your earning £40k or less. This would help out for 90 days going forward and possibly longer if your do is not permitted to return for a long period of time.

my second piece of advice is to do the freedom program - please google and do program. It may well open your eyes to the situation you are in.

third piece of advice is be please don’t think things can just suddenly go back to normal. Your do will have to do some courses and be pro active to retreave this situation and without him doing that it’s unlikely you will be reunited swiftly

Not asking for any details…….but given the lax response of some Police forces over the years I’m not totally surprised that they’ve got all belt and bracers if they considered the matter required such a response.

Look on the entitled to website and that works out if you can claim anything and what and how
much

I think it's probably a good thing they've stepped in. They don't do that lightly and your children and yourself need protecting. It's pretty obvious you're not able to do that currently.

Forget about your husband and focus on the practicalities.

Wrong. I use it.

You don't get to 'not press charges' if the police believe a crime or crimes have been comitted and that there is sufficient evidence for CPS to proceed. We do not have a legal system in the UK where someone can break the law and the victim can say 'oh but I don't actually mind so its fine'...

If there is evidence, and you take him back, then SS are likely to be concerned about the safety of your kids.

So bottom line - him or the kids, which do you wanna keep?

Wise up kiddo, the police did not take action without any reason.

And has he done any of these things?

Howling

This happened to me, though I only asked a friend who was a police officer in a different area for some advice. He told me he’d had no choice but to report it to my local force for my own safety. I then had a call from the police to say if I didn’t report to my local police station that day they’d be coming out to check on me. Having spoken with me they then arrested my partner who was bailed and not allowed to return to the house. They do have a duty of care towards you, and I hope things get easier for you.