Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Police action after 101 call has left us separated and struggling financially

478 replies

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:20

Long story short! I completed a 101 form last week looking for advice regarding my home situation. I was hoping for signposting as following years of repeated behaviours, I decided I finally needed some support. Bad idea as the police took it as serious allegations and I met a threshold with the words I used on the form. They decided it was an arrestsble offence and after much to-ing and fro-ing, they eventually arrested my husband four days later.

He was released on bail in the early hours of Saturday morning. His phones (work and personal) have been retained by the police. He was escorted back to our house in order to collect his belongings and then had to leave. His conditions are no direct or indirect contact with me for 90 days and not to visit our house or "the area on the bail map" for the same time.

Over and over again I have told the police this is not the outcome I wanted, I would never have contacted them for advice if this was to be the outcome. I have even put in writing that I retract everything I have ever said to them.
The problem I now have is I cannot contact him or find out where he is. We have two primary aged children who cannot understand what is happening and I'm just telling them he's staying with a friend while trying to hold it all together.
My next biggest worry is finances. While I was the main income earner, his salary helped substantially towards the upkeep of the house. I am not going to be able to afford all of our bills over the next three months and I don't want to end up evicted or in council tax arrears because of this situation. The police never return my calls or emails and I learned yesterday that I have got a social worker coming to visit me and the children this afternoon.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? I desperately want my husband back but I can also fully understand that he doesn't know the entire situation and just sees it as me requesting his arrest, restrictions and potential sentencing when it couldn't be more opposite from the truth.

OP posts:
SweetnsourNZ · 12/05/2026 17:20

Good for you. You have been in my thoughts, and obviously a lot of other people's too. The strength you have shown is amazing.

PotatoSalad12 · 12/05/2026 17:41

CombatBarbie · 12/05/2026 15:31

Dont message him, it will be seen a deliberate act to antagonise him and break his bail conditions. Do you not have contact with his family?

My exs solicitor facilitated via the court for him to get his stuff.

He cut off all his family before I met him so I don't know them at all, I wouldn't even know their names to start searching.

I'm now relying on him to have the inclination to actually think about these things and make arrangements. From experience, this is very unlikely to happen! Unless I arranged/sorted out his life admin, it wouldn't be done.

OP posts:
GottaBeStrong · 13/05/2026 15:45

PotatoSalad12 · 12/05/2026 17:41

He cut off all his family before I met him so I don't know them at all, I wouldn't even know their names to start searching.

I'm now relying on him to have the inclination to actually think about these things and make arrangements. From experience, this is very unlikely to happen! Unless I arranged/sorted out his life admin, it wouldn't be done.

It can be sorted out when you divorce. You can instruct your solicitor to deal with it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread