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Police action after 101 call has left us separated and struggling financially

400 replies

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:20

Long story short! I completed a 101 form last week looking for advice regarding my home situation. I was hoping for signposting as following years of repeated behaviours, I decided I finally needed some support. Bad idea as the police took it as serious allegations and I met a threshold with the words I used on the form. They decided it was an arrestsble offence and after much to-ing and fro-ing, they eventually arrested my husband four days later.

He was released on bail in the early hours of Saturday morning. His phones (work and personal) have been retained by the police. He was escorted back to our house in order to collect his belongings and then had to leave. His conditions are no direct or indirect contact with me for 90 days and not to visit our house or "the area on the bail map" for the same time.

Over and over again I have told the police this is not the outcome I wanted, I would never have contacted them for advice if this was to be the outcome. I have even put in writing that I retract everything I have ever said to them.
The problem I now have is I cannot contact him or find out where he is. We have two primary aged children who cannot understand what is happening and I'm just telling them he's staying with a friend while trying to hold it all together.
My next biggest worry is finances. While I was the main income earner, his salary helped substantially towards the upkeep of the house. I am not going to be able to afford all of our bills over the next three months and I don't want to end up evicted or in council tax arrears because of this situation. The police never return my calls or emails and I learned yesterday that I have got a social worker coming to visit me and the children this afternoon.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? I desperately want my husband back but I can also fully understand that he doesn't know the entire situation and just sees it as me requesting his arrest, restrictions and potential sentencing when it couldn't be more opposite from the truth.

OP posts:
Jellybunny98 · 16/04/2026 14:22

I’m sorry OP but the police don’t do this for no reason.

Spentpenny · 16/04/2026 14:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Holtome · 16/04/2026 14:23

It sounds like exactly the right thing.

See what the Social Worker has to say. They're there to support you.

Pearshapedpear · 16/04/2026 14:24

Hopefully soon you will realise the Police
took the correct course of action to protect you and your children.

Shallotsaresmallonions · 16/04/2026 14:24

So what serious allegations are you massively downplaying here?

LadyDanburysHat · 16/04/2026 14:25

Shallotsaresmallonions · 16/04/2026 14:24

So what serious allegations are you massively downplaying here?

This! The Police, are others have said, don't do this for no reason. You need to think carefully about why they have taken the action that they have.

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:26

They arrested under the following charges: 1. Stalking, 2. False imprisonment, 3. Coercive/controlling abuse/behaviour (apologies I can't remember the exact term for the last one).

None of which help me with the day to day situation and financial hardship I'm about to endure. This has absolutely been blown out of proportion.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 16/04/2026 14:27

Those are serious charges. For financial issues look into benefits and what you can possibly claim.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/04/2026 14:29

@LadyDanburysHat is right, @PotatoSalad12.

liveforsummer · 16/04/2026 14:29

I’ve had far less response for some pretty serious stuff so it must have been really bad and you have in that case done the right thing even if you can’t see it just now. Police is for action. Advice you’d have been better with a charity such as women’s aid ?

Silverbirchleaf · 16/04/2026 14:29

What were you hoping to get from the police? Maybe contact Woman Aid, Samaritans , citizens Advice bureau etc who may able to help you.

NuffSaidSam · 16/04/2026 14:29

See what support the social worker can offer you this afternoon. They may be able to point you in the direction of advice/support. The Citizens Advice Bureau are also a good starting point for advice about benefits, next steps etc.

For general money saving advice look at Martin Lewis' advice.

Silverbirchleaf · 16/04/2026 14:30

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:26

They arrested under the following charges: 1. Stalking, 2. False imprisonment, 3. Coercive/controlling abuse/behaviour (apologies I can't remember the exact term for the last one).

None of which help me with the day to day situation and financial hardship I'm about to endure. This has absolutely been blown out of proportion.

Sounds pretty serious!

stichguru · 16/04/2026 14:30

I'm sorry OP but the police don't remove someone from their family home or arrest someone for those charges lightly or without reason. Look into benefits and assistance that you may qualify for.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 16/04/2026 14:31

This is what needs to happen though. The children need to be protected, even if you want him back.

angelofmydreams1981 · 16/04/2026 14:31

So what did he do?

SimonWigglesBaratoneVoice · 16/04/2026 14:32

Please contact women's aid op. They can help you with the emotional side of things , help you claim what you can, and get some support for you.

It is scary when this all happens, but you were in a bad enough place to even fill out the form. It gets to a point where the abuse doesn't seem as scary as doing everything on your own because you're accustomed to it and almost comfortable. I promise you by this time next year you'll see how bad thing really were and wonder why you put up with it for so long.

You can do this on your own op, even if you think you can't right now.

WhatAGreatDay · 16/04/2026 14:32

I came across this situation a few times while working for an advice charity. The Police can now make the decision to proceed on domestic violence even if the victim later retracts. So I did have women who'd called the Police during an argument (or the neighbours called) and then were screwed financially, because the husband now had to pay for somewhere else to live.

Nearly50omg · 16/04/2026 14:33

call universal credit and see what you can claim as a single parent with 2 children

Ihavebeenthere123 · 16/04/2026 14:34

I have got a social worker coming to visit me and the children this afternoon

Your going to have to be really careful now OP. If the police have removed your husband then they think he's a risk to you and your children. If you go and tell social services you want all this to stop and your husband to come home, social services may well then say that you are a risk to your children by not keeping them safe

Your on rocky ground now x

Sunflower07 · 16/04/2026 14:34

if you are happy to answer, are you based in a county in the north west by any chance?

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:35

Thanks. I have tried getting hold of CAB but I am usually on hold for over an hour and I am trying to work full time. My employer has been abysmal about the situation, despite knowing exactly what went on last week - they decided to have a protected conversation with me to berate me for my absenteeism. I am now on a formal warning so I can't spend forever on the phone anymore. I earn a decent salary so I don't believe I am entitled to many benefits, if any - I never have been before anyway.

OP posts:
PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:36

Sunflower07 · 16/04/2026 14:34

if you are happy to answer, are you based in a county in the north west by any chance?

No, South West England

OP posts:
Holtome · 16/04/2026 14:37

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:35

Thanks. I have tried getting hold of CAB but I am usually on hold for over an hour and I am trying to work full time. My employer has been abysmal about the situation, despite knowing exactly what went on last week - they decided to have a protected conversation with me to berate me for my absenteeism. I am now on a formal warning so I can't spend forever on the phone anymore. I earn a decent salary so I don't believe I am entitled to many benefits, if any - I never have been before anyway.

You will be OK. You'll need to make changes, but you'll be OK and it time will see it was all for the best. If he's working, he'll have to pay child maintenance, which will help.

Agree with PP, don't be telling Social Worker you want him back.

AnotherNameChange1234567 · 16/04/2026 14:38

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:35

Thanks. I have tried getting hold of CAB but I am usually on hold for over an hour and I am trying to work full time. My employer has been abysmal about the situation, despite knowing exactly what went on last week - they decided to have a protected conversation with me to berate me for my absenteeism. I am now on a formal warning so I can't spend forever on the phone anymore. I earn a decent salary so I don't believe I am entitled to many benefits, if any - I never have been before anyway.

Can you not make a UC claim online?

And you need to put in for child maintenance with CMS.