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Police action after 101 call has left us separated and struggling financially

515 replies

PotatoSalad12 · 16/04/2026 14:20

Long story short! I completed a 101 form last week looking for advice regarding my home situation. I was hoping for signposting as following years of repeated behaviours, I decided I finally needed some support. Bad idea as the police took it as serious allegations and I met a threshold with the words I used on the form. They decided it was an arrestsble offence and after much to-ing and fro-ing, they eventually arrested my husband four days later.

He was released on bail in the early hours of Saturday morning. His phones (work and personal) have been retained by the police. He was escorted back to our house in order to collect his belongings and then had to leave. His conditions are no direct or indirect contact with me for 90 days and not to visit our house or "the area on the bail map" for the same time.

Over and over again I have told the police this is not the outcome I wanted, I would never have contacted them for advice if this was to be the outcome. I have even put in writing that I retract everything I have ever said to them.
The problem I now have is I cannot contact him or find out where he is. We have two primary aged children who cannot understand what is happening and I'm just telling them he's staying with a friend while trying to hold it all together.
My next biggest worry is finances. While I was the main income earner, his salary helped substantially towards the upkeep of the house. I am not going to be able to afford all of our bills over the next three months and I don't want to end up evicted or in council tax arrears because of this situation. The police never return my calls or emails and I learned yesterday that I have got a social worker coming to visit me and the children this afternoon.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? I desperately want my husband back but I can also fully understand that he doesn't know the entire situation and just sees it as me requesting his arrest, restrictions and potential sentencing when it couldn't be more opposite from the truth.

OP posts:
SweetnsourNZ · 12/05/2026 17:20

Good for you. You have been in my thoughts, and obviously a lot of other people's too. The strength you have shown is amazing.

PotatoSalad12 · 12/05/2026 17:41

CombatBarbie · 12/05/2026 15:31

Dont message him, it will be seen a deliberate act to antagonise him and break his bail conditions. Do you not have contact with his family?

My exs solicitor facilitated via the court for him to get his stuff.

He cut off all his family before I met him so I don't know them at all, I wouldn't even know their names to start searching.

I'm now relying on him to have the inclination to actually think about these things and make arrangements. From experience, this is very unlikely to happen! Unless I arranged/sorted out his life admin, it wouldn't be done.

OP posts:
GottaBeStrong · 13/05/2026 15:45

PotatoSalad12 · 12/05/2026 17:41

He cut off all his family before I met him so I don't know them at all, I wouldn't even know their names to start searching.

I'm now relying on him to have the inclination to actually think about these things and make arrangements. From experience, this is very unlikely to happen! Unless I arranged/sorted out his life admin, it wouldn't be done.

It can be sorted out when you divorce. You can instruct your solicitor to deal with it.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/05/2026 22:54

How are you getting on @PotatoSalad12?

Letsgoforaskip · 22/05/2026 17:37

We are all still thinking about you 🍀

Perfect28 · 22/05/2026 17:39

I feel reassured that the police are acting. The system doesn't work if the controlled person has to press charges.

CleanShirt · 23/05/2026 05:25

Perfect28 · 22/05/2026 17:39

I feel reassured that the police are acting. The system doesn't work if the controlled person has to press charges.

The CPS "presses charges" in the UK.

PotatoSalad12 · 26/05/2026 17:35

Hello everyone. Appreciating all the checking in posts!

I'm doing SO well. I've completely found myself again, and I feel like I'm learning who I am from afresh. I love the person I am, the person who went missing. I'm the mum who took her kids rock climbing this weekend, went to the village fête and had wonderful chats with our neighbours who all offered the most amazing support (it's all very la-di-da here and you can't fart without someone knowing 🤣). I'm the mum who finished her employment on Friday just gone and is absolutely owning her next steps of freelancing/consulting. I'm the woman who went for a botox appointment today (don't judge too hard!) and not only did that, but also decided to go and get my car cleaned, and fill up at a fuel station I don't usually use - all because I could and was allowed to as no one was monitoring my movements.

I bumped into an old friend in the middle of the forecourt. Neither of us were meant to be there at that time and we had the biggest cuddle.

I've now got a friend heading over to have a catch up in the garden on this ridiculously hot evening. Because I'm allowed friends and visitors again.

I can breathe. I am strong. And if anyone is reading this who is at the beginning of this horrendous journey, I can promise you that you will do this, you will make friends with the person you once were and you will fall in love with that deleted personality.

Oh, and I'm also going clubbing on Friday night. Just because you should never waste a good crisis. So grandparents are house/dog/kid sitting while I have the best time because I bloody deserve it.

OP posts:
MuddlerInLaw · 26/05/2026 17:45

So, what are you wearing on Friday night? 😄👍

Beaniebobbins · 26/05/2026 17:53

You’re inspiring me @PotatoSalad12 i’m off for my first proper haircut in ten years tomorrow!

I might save your post for motivation on the rubbish days! Thank you for sharing your journey xx

caringcarer · 26/05/2026 18:04

You may want your abusive h back but the SW will need to protect the DC. If you tell her you want him back she might think your DC are not safe. Phone council and claim 25 percent discount. Put in claim for CMS. If you have a joint account take half money out and open a separate account for yourself to stop h from emptying your joints bank account. Sell off any bits you don't need. Go on benefits calculator and see if you can claim anything. Phone mortgage company and get a mortgage holiday. I think you can have up to 6 months. Once you get over the shock you will see you and DC are far better away from h.

justasking111 · 26/05/2026 18:04

Have a lovely evening.

MuddlerInLaw · 26/05/2026 18:06

@caringcarer on MN it’s considered good etiquette to read the full thread or at the very least the OP’s posts and updates before posting …

TiggyTomCat · 26/05/2026 18:07

That has really put a smile on my face - I am so so happy for you and your family!

tensmum1964 · 26/05/2026 18:10

Wonderful news. Well done.

Letsgoforaskip · 26/05/2026 19:06

Hurray! You’re a strong independent woman!
What a journey you’ve been on since your first post. I am so very happy for you and your children. This is just the start of a whole new era 💃🏼

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/05/2026 19:09

WOW @PotatoSalad12 Look at you !!! and it's only 5 weeks and 5 days since you began this thread.

You are doing amazing.

NettleTea · 26/05/2026 19:10

what an amazing update, it feels like it was written by a completely different person to the opening post ! just shows the strength of women once they are free to be themselves. You are an inspiration xxx onwards and upwards

childrenaremyworld · 26/05/2026 19:25

I’m so so proud of you! You’ve come so far in such a short time. Once your out it’s like looking at the world in a completely different light, like your exploring for the first time and it’s amazing. I’m really am happy for you and the children xxx

PotatoSalad12 · 26/05/2026 19:33

MuddlerInLaw · 26/05/2026 17:45

So, what are you wearing on Friday night? 😄👍

An LBD from Oh Polly which would have made him spit feathers. Liberating ❤️🤣

OP posts:
PotatoSalad12 · 26/05/2026 19:35

Beaniebobbins · 26/05/2026 17:53

You’re inspiring me @PotatoSalad12 i’m off for my first proper haircut in ten years tomorrow!

I might save your post for motivation on the rubbish days! Thank you for sharing your journey xx

Yes! Go you! Have you decided what you're having done? How wonderful ❤️ xx

OP posts:
MuddlerInLaw · 26/05/2026 20:21

Excellent, @PotatoSalad12.

But seriously - it has never occurred to me before this moment that, for all the bunfights and judgement on the Style and Beauty board, there might be women reading it who don’t have the freedom to choose exactly what they want to wear.

GilmoreGirly86 · 26/05/2026 20:24

This is amazing!!! So, so happy for you and your children, OP xx

LizzieW1969 · 26/05/2026 20:54

That such a wonderful update, @PotatoSalad12, you’ve really blossomed and it's lovely to see.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/05/2026 21:48

caringcarer · 26/05/2026 18:04

You may want your abusive h back but the SW will need to protect the DC. If you tell her you want him back she might think your DC are not safe. Phone council and claim 25 percent discount. Put in claim for CMS. If you have a joint account take half money out and open a separate account for yourself to stop h from emptying your joints bank account. Sell off any bits you don't need. Go on benefits calculator and see if you can claim anything. Phone mortgage company and get a mortgage holiday. I think you can have up to 6 months. Once you get over the shock you will see you and DC are far better away from h.

RTFT FGS before posting inanities.

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