Dd24 just went to hit me

[P0loGirl]

Apparently we’re the worst family and I should “be a real mother”. She has the most loving family both on my side and her father’s. But I couldn’t remember her favourite song and I don’t call her every day and add a glass of wine into that and she’s trying to physically attack me.

To give a background - her father and I split when she was two. All she’s known is secure family units on both sides. I don’t even know what to write. She’s had the most privileged upbringing, upwards of a quarter of a million has been spent on her education, she’s always known the comforts of family life.

But we’ve come away for a few days, she gets drunk and suddenly I’m the worst person in the world because I don’t know what floor her flat is on. The flat in London that her father bought her outright in Putney. She’s a property owner at 24.

None of that matters emotionally and I honestly believe that her father and I have given her all the support she needs. But yet tonight she was yelling at me and went to hit me. Her friend had to restrain her.

I'm sorry to hear this OP. I hope your OK? Sometimes I think the more we do for our kids, the more they resent us

Thank you. I’m really not OK. But she’s back and being just horrible.

Seems she has an alcohol problem.
Perhaps you can tell her to get some help and support for it. And let her know you will never be a target in her emotional distress. You should pull away as it seems she is getting a bit to big for her boots. Mo ey can do this to people.

Wow. Don’t blame yourself. You’ve brought her up to advocate a tad too well. Terrible behaviour but I’m sure she’ll be ashamed in the morning. Especially with her friend being there. Bloody wine. X

Was it just aimed at you, or at any siblings/your DH?

I agree it might be an alcohol issue. Not proud to admit it but after some wine i was less than polite to my parents aged about 20.

I turned out ok.

Rather than seeing her as a horrible person maybe have a chat framed as ‘i’m a bit worried about you’.

Just to add to my reply above, i was battling eating disorder at that time and was not doing great. Despite life going great in many ways (at uni, studying what i dreamed to study etc) i felt terrible inside and alcohol brought all of that up.

Sharing as might be relevant. Just because she is lucky to have all she wants, your DD might be struggling in other ways.

Tell her in the morning that she needs to avoid drinking around you as she turns into a violent entitled little brat after one glass.

This sounds more like teenage emotions, do you think she missed the stage of getting angry with you in her teens?
Might be reading in my own experiences, but your post seems to be mainly about how much money has been spent on her. From what she's said, (floor of her flat, favourite song etc) she doesn't feel you're paying attention to her for who she is. I think you need more conversation in the cold light of day about how she's feeling, try to set your reactions aside and listen to her first of all.
I hit my dad in anger once aged 19. I also had an abusive partner at the time which he didn't know about.

Remove yourself from the situation completely before things deteriorate further

My sister slapped our Mum because Mum had not washed her bikini. Sister was seventeen or eighteen. It changed their relationship forever.

My sister is obnoxious though. I haven't had a relationship with her for nearly 20 years.

I think I had a bit of a teenager phase in my mid 20’s. Never hit anyone though.

My daughter is the same age, her dad and I divorced when she was a young teen. She spent a year living with me recently and it was very rough. I finally had to kick her out because I felt physically afraid of her. She didn't actually hit me, but it felt like she came close a few times. She seems to be doing okay now, but the whole situation was very upsetting. I've encouraged her to see a therapist. Divorce (even an amicable one, which mine mostly was) is traumatic.

if youre away I think maybe you should leave.

You need to make sure you’re safe for tonight and then consider family therapy. Have you not been to her home before or only a few times?

If you are away for a few days with your daughter and her friend, and your daughter had to be restrained from hitting you, I would remove myself from her company, go home, leaving the two girls to get on with the rest of their break away together.

You should be very clear about why you are leaving.
That is, no matter the reason, you will no longer stay around when she is likely to verbally or physically abuse you.
Thank the friend for coming to your defence last night and make sure she has your contact details.

Tell your DD that you will be at home if she wishes to apologise or if ever she needs help to sort herself out, and although you love her very much, you will not allow her to make you her victim. And you will not tolerate her drinking wine in your home as this is obviously a trigger for her nasty tongue and aggression.

Give her space to sort herself out OP. She is behaving like an insufferable spoilt little girl. Remind her of that. No providing treats for her or enabling her any longer.

Using you to take out her frustrations and unhappiness has to stop. It is not OK. You can’t talk to her in order to help her, until she comes to that realisation.

I hope it’s just a blip and she comes to her senses soon, but I certainly wouldn’t hang around any longer for it to happen again.

Cut her off, emotionally, physically and financially and see how she goes standing on her own 2 feet. Might wake her up and see how privileges she was and make her grow up a little bit.

Maybe she didn’t have the blissful childhood you think she did? No excuse to be violent to you though.

Might be worth reposting this in the “Well we took you to stately homes” thread.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5508136-march-2026-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

Did she board or day school?

Eek she’s clearly dreadful on alcohol and that needs a direct discussion in the morning.

Depending on whether she takes any accountability and her level of mortification or lack thereof would decide for me if I go home early.

Are you in a hotel where you could ask for another room? I hope you are ok.

Soooo to summarise. Your daughter is upset that you don't know her favourite song, or her address (I have to say, I agree on the address part, particularly. How do you not know where your daughter lives?)

She's upset you don't call her every day.

She wants you to be a "real mother".

Do you hear what this sounds like? She wants you to know and care about HER, she wants you and your love. Not money.

From your side, you feel she has amazing parents because she has had a lot of money given to her, for her education and just in everyday life.

It sounds like she has been crying out for something other than money. Maybe that's why her emotions have come out this way.

I am not excusing her behaviour by the way.

But it sounds like she just wanted/wants a mum/dad, and not just money thrown at her. And, in drink, these emotions have come out.

I'd be listening to her closely if I were you OP

The getting drunk bit is the problem.

Why do you think your 24 year old wants to drink to excess?
Next time arrange a break without alcohol and with lovely countryside or seaside and activities to enjoy.

Encourage your DD to get help for her alcohol problem.

Write your DD a letter once per week for a few months,.

You will then remember her address.

Shame that she’s your DD and not your DH, then you could get a divorce.

Yeah no way I’d be letting that go.

Does she still depend on any of you financially? Those strings would be about to be cut ✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️