Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

Have a look at the threshold for neglect tool. Some of what you say is early help/ child in need level but there are some serious concerns - weed (flats aren't big, she will be affected), dental hygiene, and the litter trays.
https://www.hampshirescp.org.uk/frameworks/interactive-neglect-indicator-chart/

Brother is a twat. Whenever niece's situation is brought up he whines about how he never wanted her anyway, the £300 a month CMS bankrupting him and how he never wanted her anyway and told niece's mum he wanted an abortion 🙄 He is kind to niece when he sees her at my mum's, but wouldn't wish to care for her himself.

You sound incredibly judgemental and hyperbolic! “Piles of takeaway containers” hmm do you really mean one takeaway’s worth from the previous night, waiting to be recycled?
Look, I’m not denying people like you’ve described exist, but I’ve also experienced people like you, far more often. My nephew’s mum had all this from my brother and my parents.
If she was reorganising a cupboard when one of them arrived, and there was two piles of books sat next to her in an otherwise tidy house it was reported as “there was shit everywhere, it was like a hoarders’ house”
If she had one night out, the first in over a year and for a friend’s special occasion, it became “She’s out every night, pissed up”
If she had a friend and her partner round for dinner, it became “She’s got men coming in & out” or “House full of people every day”
If she had an empty bottle of Baileys in recycling, it became “Empty booze bottles everywhere”
If my nephew had one Happy Meal brought home for him as a surprise treat, it became “Nephew is living off takeaways every night”

Report anonymously - you can do that

So there's around a 20 year age gap? 40 year old men should be nowhere near women who were recently in their teens so he's also a grooming piece of shit.

She sounds vulnerable but you should definitely report.

He is as bad as the mother then with that comment. Why did he have a child with her then, and then nice and conveniently walk away.

I don't know some of the things aren't too bad. Pyjamas at home is fine. As is not going out all the time. I used to just take my son along with me if I was going to the shop, we would stop at the park on the way, out with me when I visited friends and relatives, that sort of thing. I don't really worry about missing days or being late to nursery.

But the teeth brushing thing is really important. It could ruin her life if this isn't sorted out. She should be eating vegetables, and the litter tray situation sounds terrible. I have two cats so I know how awful it is when the trays need changed. She also shouldn't be smoking weed in the house.

To be honest I don't think social services would take very seriously though. It would help if you could have her once a week. That's one day a week she would be getting her teeth cleaned and having a healthy dinner

Yep. He met her online so knew her age from day 1 to.

His current girlfriend, ( no kids together), is 27.

Your groe

Honestly her child needs to be protected, and as an adult it’s your responsibility to intervene. Drugs and filth are not safe for children to be around. Being in clean pyjamas is fine occasionally, but not all day- no idea who would think that’s ok (unless poorly , and then they should be new pjs for the day). Kids need structure and community. Isolating her with a poor diet, little stimulation and hazardous conditions is completely unacceptable. If I were you, I’d report to social services and to the nursery and make sure they know it needs to not get back to the mother that it was you.

I think some men act like this over paying maintenance as a deflection that they are doing the bare minimum

The nursery must be aware of the cannabis use - the child must stink of it ?

Also to add very inappropriate true crime, 18 plus TV series on in the background whenever I visit too, ( Mum is very into true crime). Whilst niece does have her tablet , this just isn't appropriate in my opinion.

Please report. She may just need help. Social services could offer support.

The weed is worrying and will be numbing them both out. I think you have to report

Oops sorry!

Your friend should not have given you information on your niece’s attendance to nursery. So don’t use that as evidence unless you want to get your friend in trouble, that’s a serious breach of confidentiality.

I used to work for social services. Being in pjs all day would not have really raised an eyebrow. But poor hygiene in the house and lack of teeth brushing, poor diet, poor cat hygiene, drug use would be a concern.
BUT don’t be surprised if not much happens.

Your brother is equally neglectful though.

Poor little girl 🥺 You sound like a caring Auntie. Shame she can’t live with you!

Could you take your niece for days out and sleep overs to provide new opportunities.
I understand why you are upset OP but you are somewhat restricted due to niece living with her mum and your brother's lack of involvement

The nursery is a non issue. I worked shifts and often kept my wee one home with me in the mornings to give us time together so she's free to use that as she sees fit. Pyjamas are fine if they're just in the house.

However the weed, the dirt, the urine, the poor diet and lack of hygiene all should have been reported already.

Make an anonymous report and focus on trying to take your neice out and offer as much support as you can. The mother sounds vulnerable.

I'd also be going through your brother for a short cut though he just sounds like a waste of space to be honest .

Does she start school this year? At least then she will be at school with a decent meal 5 days a week. Does your sil need the bus fare to get her to nursery? And can’t afford it?

id try helping my sil. So help her clean the flat, we all need help sometimes it can get overwhelming and on top of us. It sounds like she might be struggling with her MH a little bit. Id carry on visiting once a week going to theirs. but I’d also start taking niece and sil out once a week even if it’s just to get a bit of shopping in then over to yours for a cup of tea and a sandwich. It means they’ve been out somewhere. Then start taking niece out once a month for a treat. Baby steps to get things nicer for both of them.

(as for the cats they need rehoming. Definitely neglectful)

Have you seen her smoke weed or just assuming?

its not about the “poor mother” it’s about the woeful neglect of a 4 year old innocent child FFS . OP you need to report this

As someone that frequently has to report neglect to social services, I would report this situation.

Btw your brother is more neglectful than your poor sil. She was a vulnerable young girl.

You seem to be projecting a lot here