Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

You absolutely have to report this. Your poor little niece. Sounds awful and her mother is neglecting her, full
stop. Unsafe and unhygienic home. Her mother is a drug user. Without doubt, report.
Would you or your mum be able to look after the little girl? I feel so sad for her. What a start in life.

Honestly she won't be removed from home for this. If it was cocaine or heroin yes but weed these days isn't really taken seriously

Loads of middle class hand wringing and cries of 'report!' on here. Social services will likely do sweet FA to help, and frankly nor should they have to intervene at this stage. Because... you as your niece's family should be stepping in and trying to help her mum after your brother ditched his responsibilities. What's stopping you gently raising your concerns with her (maybe one at a time, not a list)? What's stopping you helping out? The mum sounds like she's not coping well, and the first port of call for help should be family members, NOT family members reporting to social services ffs.

The weed smoking would worry me, she says it is when niece is asleep but is it.... and is the area ventilated correctly.

Doesnt matter if she is going three streets away, that stuff sticks. You could have one spliff in the morning and people will still smell it on you 12 hours later. A shower and a change of clothes helps, but honestly it really clings.

I have never used it myself but a family member would have one a day (proudly as had cut down a lot) but still stank as if he was smoking it every ten minutes. And his flat stank too even though he always smoked outside. Its vile insidious stuff, and sadly the little girl will stink of it too. Although if the families that come in to the pub for dinner are anything to go by, she wont be the only one.

I’ve known kids not be removed for cocaine or heroin. In one case I had to report someone, a friend, as I was really worried about her two little ones. It went nowhere. The kids lives only improved when mum ended up in prison for a bit, her life improved too afterwards.

This - can you have her regularly overnight perhaps? I'm sure the mum would appreciate a break. Are her family involved?

And yes I think it is neglect. If she's sitting there gaming all day that's neglect.

@Rainbowfish1 I would be honest with the mum about your concerns, and I would report. If you and other family members are involved and helping that can be formalised and monitored as it’s generally good for the child. It doesn’t sound like the living situation is good for either of them, and things like takeaways and washing up and living in pyjamas are not inherently awful, but collectively and persistently they point to a lack of structure and not coping. Sometimes people need the shock of authority to get their act together, unfortunately.

You’ve not mentioned this but does your sil have a close family? Her mum or dad? Or siblings? If you know them too maybe you could all start taking more time to help her. Plus you and your parents.

Do you or your parents ever offer to have the little girl for the day, for tea, a trip to the park, or for a sleepover etc?

I'd try my best to be as active in this little girls life as I possibly could in your shoes to be honest.

I would report anonymously. The pjs I wouldn't mention but the hygiene, teeth, cat urine, drugs, crime shows always on, etc I would absolutely mention. Poor little one. 😔 I'd also mention the child hardly every going anywhere. They sound very isolated.

The nursery will have a designated safeguarding lead. Share your concerns and they can make a referral to early help and support (through the social care front door route). You can also call them, anyone can. Unfortunately the bar is so low that things have to be dire before a child is protected under a child protection plan. A voluntary arrangement for early help and support through first tiers of help is usually the first step, if the referral is accepted. I’d try to help your niece as much as you can, have her for sleepovers and days out and when she goes to school in September it is highly likely that the school will pick up the safeguarding concerns and act on them.

I’m also quite concerned about the cats living in squalor…

Is she starting school in September?

Just to add - please think carefully, OP. If she finds out it was you who reported - or even suspects - she is very likely to cut you off. And that's going to be no good for your niece, as well as upsetting for you and your parents not being able to see her. It would be far better to try to provide family support in the first instance. I am shocked at the number of people here saying they'd report family to social services for this... fair enough if you'd tried everything to help, spoken to the parent(s) etc. It shows extreme naivety around what social services will have the capacity to do... it will do no good whatsoever if you end up isolated from them.

It’s neglect.
doesn’t matter what reason the sil has she needs reported.

No projecting but I am a single parent (a clean, tidy & healthy one!) and Ive worked in family law for 23 years and I’ve seen families like OP’s make these wild (usually false) accusations to try and snatch/alienate the child from the mother far too many times in my career and in my life. It’s a very, very common tactic.

Obviously if it’s true then of course it needs reporting but this post giving details the OP couldn’t possibly know, is ringing age-old alarm bells.

Another small, but worthwhile thing you can do is bring your niece things like little orange juice and milk boxes, cheese strings and fruit boxes when you visit. I do this for my nephews so it's not necessarily judgemental, just bringing treats they like.

@Howtorespond I'm also concerned about the cats. It's a shame for them.

And this is why kids are left to be further abused neglected and or die. By folk being too scared to report. So what if she lost contact with her niece the child will be hopefully removed out that squalor and put with
family members who actually give a fuck. Or foster carers. And that’s the best thing for her niece she could do, this is child abuse pure and simple.

“Bore off” because you disagree with my opinion? How very mature

Mum sounds depressed and it definitely needs reporting.

If she’s going to nursery then I’m sure they’d smell weed on her clothes and likely have flagged things up too.

Unfortunately you can’t force your brother to not be a dick and so mum is going to have to get help from elsewhere.

A couple of things like staying in PJs or not going to nursery every day aren’t bad in themselves but it’s the overall picture that definitely points to unintentional neglect due to mums MH issues.

Report anonymously. She doesn't need to know it's you.

Yeah, right. Social services are not about to swoop in and remove her from her mother's care. Not from OP's description.

I was thinking the same. Mum could be feeling low/depressed? Nobody knows what the wee one is eating day today.

Maybe mum needs a little loving help and not social services? ❤️

She won't be removed for this. The result could actually be more detrimental for the niece. Social services are likely to focus more on nursery attendance and simply put the mother under more stress which will affect her parenting even more. Social services aren't generally supportive more just monitoring and writing reports and sometimes threatening parents

I get where you’re coming from on this but have recently seen a friend go through a situation with her extended family that made me think differently. Arguably in her family’s case the neglect was worse, but the children were older and less vulnerable as they had other adults in their lives. She tried to intervene over a few years but was blocked and lied to. Eventually she did report partly to get help and partly to actually make a stand within the family about right and wrong. Sometimes taking the strain is helpful and other times it just lets the parent off the hook, and doesn’t actually change anything. Having a lovely auntie and grandparents is great and can be lifesaving, but the damage from having a shit mum (and dad, though he sounds like a lost cause) is lifelong. The child deserves a mother who does the right thing and sometimes authority - even at a light touch - can be enough to kickstart that.

Absolutely report!!! Ffs!