Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

I agree with you, given a long background working with children and for local authorities.

There is more to this @Waitingforthesunnydays. Possibly the ex has made a wild accusation even, that had to be investigated. But then the damage is on him. Perhaps the children were genuinely in danger.

Thresholds are frustratingly high. Protecting children is paramount, scaremongering does not help safeguard children.

Just where do people think all of these children to SS remove go? How much do you think this would cost? Where does the money come from in slashed LA budgets (Conservative gov.)? Why are LA’s constantly advertising for foster parents? (very few actually want take this role on).

Thresholds have to be high to make sure very limited resources are reaching the most serious need. Money is spent offering support where at all possible, rather than remove children.

Mum sounds isolated and depressed. I would be trying to support rather than report.

You could have niece a day and night a week; take them out together frequently - even if just a walk in the park; offer to take niece to a sports club weekly tai kwondo or swimming or dance - whatever she would enjoy.

Just to clarify, why do people think that social services will just jump to taking into care rather than being a support?

If a family member can get SIL to make changes that would be better for the child. The child must be the priority, but for the benefit of the child the mother should be helped, is the point of the other posts.

Many of the posters here think that if you report the child will automatically benefit but the reality is that social care is outdated, training and practice is a 70s throwback and needs an overhaul, and for most children it will be out of the frying pan into the fire.

Not only this - what you say about care homes is no longer true - there is now ample space due to private companies providing care homes which are run for profit (they are the darlings of pension funds) - I have seen advertisments to work in these homes and it says "no experience necessary" - it is a complete nightmare. Children in care are a magnet for traffickers, paedophiles. SWs are more paranoid about the accusations of not removing and something bad happening and not able to make judgement calls.

"Report report report" give the impression that people think that children of reported families go to the world of unicorns and rainbows. The reality is that a complete overhaul of SW is required, along with an overhaul of education, the NHS, and every other people service, and stop funding private provision of care homes.

See my post above. Overhaul of training needed, overhaul of practice, different and more targeted funding.

There should be a two tier system where appropriate trained professionals deal with these sorts of cases exclusively, with a different team dealing with life threatening emergencies or situations absolutely requiring immediate removal for other reasons.

There should also be the overhaul of training and practice and the government needs to see sense on public-private contracts which are seen as a blank cheque by the private sector.

There’s a big difference between wearing PJs when you’re in the house because it’s comfy and not being arsed to get your child dressed because you’d rather game and smoke weed. And that’s the neglect.

Because that’s the popular myth. If it was actually the case SS wouldn’t be ablet to cope.

And she would still come back to the home environment. Reporting to SS is the best way to get support and effect change.

No probs.x

Not only this - what you say about care homes is no longer true - there is now ample space due to private companies providing care homes which are run for profit (they are the darlings of pension funds) - I have seen advertisments to work in these homes and it says "no experience necessary" - it is a complete nightmare. Children in care are a magnet for traffickers, paedophiles. SWs are more paranoid about the accusations of not removing and something bad happening and not able to make judgement calls.

Have you worked in a senior leadership role in an LA? Director or Assistant Director of Children’s Services? Have you and your team had to take the decision to spend six figures per year on one child? Do you think this decision is taken lightly, given that LA funds are so limited and in deficit for some?

You are scaremongering and talking nonsense. There maybe private places available but with significant costs attached only children with the most serious and dangerous backgrounds would be placed as a last resort. Certainly this child and many, many, many more will not be placed in a privately provided care home.

It definitely isn't talking nonsense, as you well know, and it also isn't scaremongering. I think we should all be lobbying the government about the many, many problems there are related to children's services, and in fact all LA services. It is ridiculous for you to think that we all need to tip toe around this, and that any adult discussion is "scaremongering".

Are you an expert on public private partnerships and what they cost LAs and how they are negotiated? I don't think so.

Have you a senior leadership role in an LA? Director or Assistant Director of Children’s Services? You will be aware that functioning of children's services departments around the country vary enormously and some have considerable issues and funding is an issue for all. You will be aware of current outcomes for looked after children. You will be aware that current practice is wildly out of date and there is no excuse for it. You will be aware of funding issues.

Bottom line, I gave the OP advice about things she could do right now while making a decision which would make a huge difference to the neice. I gave advice about input in relation to her neice, taking her out, reading to her, cooking with her, and I said that the SIL needed to be told that the dope smoking absolutely needed to stop, and teethcleaning was a must, as was turning off the violence on the screens and to explain the danger of screens. I mentioned what psychological help the mother could also receive which would also help the neice. Do you think this is good advice? Or do you think the only responsible advice is "report report"?

I also wonder whether all the posters on here whose only advice was "report" and who chastised anyone who didn't simply advise "report" would be willing to put their money where their mouths are (as the saying goes) and become foster carers. There is a huge shortage. Any child being removed temporarily will need a suitable place with caring, responsible people.

You can't be serious? You think people should only report to SS if they are prepared to be foster carers?

Do you want to take a moment and think about the impact that would have?

Where did I say "the posters who say report should only say report if they are willing to be foster carers"? Perhaps read my post again.

Was your advice "report" and nothing else? Would you consider being a foster carer? Genuine question. Having more foster carers who are responsible and caring would make a huge difference to these children's lives.