Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

Report to safeguarding lead at nursery if you are unsure how to go about this yourself. A lot of what you have said is a cause for concern and should be referred to ART to discuss further. It is also a good idea for nursery to know these details as they are taking care of your niece. You could also have a conversation with the mum to see if she is ok in her mental health and to check if she's needing a little more support. Good luck.

Sorry, its no excuse.

My babies dad left me when he was 11 months completely out of the blue one morning, has no contact with our baby, my mums just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and my grandma is actively dying. My house is clean and tidy, my cats litter trays are cleaned and refilled regularly, my child goes out daily for fresh air/walks/softplay/to the park or to feed the ducks etc, I don't use drugs around my child/in my house causing it to smell (I dont use drugs at all but you see my point), etc etc. His teeth are brushed twice a day everyday, theres absolutely no excuse, thats not even the bare minimum. If she is depressed, then she needs to seek help, its absolutely not okay to neglect your child.

It does happen. A lot.

That poor child with 2 feckless parents. My heart breaks for her

Do you actually mean there could be a 5 or 6 day period where your child does not leave the confines of your home? Because that really is alarming to me.

Staying in PJ's all day and brushing teeth "most days"?

Personally I'd be a bit wary of reporting as the upshot might well be that your niece's mum cuts you out of her life, but things also don't improve (social services are hit and miss). Is there any way you can have a word with her and express your concerns?

Would you be willing to build some sort of relationship with the mum and work on terms for you to take your niece 2-3 days per week?
it might be to both your benefits to try and help without reporting. However, I do agree that something needs done.

Your brother is a piece of shit. Maybe niece’s mother is depressed from being duped by a scumbag 20 years older than her who has now left her with a child to parent while he swans off to the next vulnerable young woman.

Get your niece and her mother some help. And tell your brother to fuck off.

You think this sounds like a mother who is trying? You need to raise your standards.

Op sounds like an involved, concerned aunt who wants the best for her niece.

The apologists for child neglect are out in force as usual. There is a 4 year old child at the centre of this. 4 year old children don’t have choices, they need protecting. A mother who doesn’t take her child put for days, doesn’t brush her teeth, doesn’t monitor her screen time or what she has access to online, doesn’t provide a balanced diet, doesn’t clean up after pets, games constantly and smokes a lot of weed is NOT a parent who is trying. It is a parent who is failing their child.

Ffs - all these people tripping over themselves with accusations of judgmentalism.

Some things warrant judgement.

This childhood is not good enough for this 4 year old child, or any child.

Can you point out where the op has anything positive to say about her brother?

She has been clear that her brother is a shit parent to both his children. She has also been clear that her brother is not involved in the day to day life of his daughter so he is irrelevant here, he is not involved in parenting his child.

Here 🏅 I believe this is what you were looking for.

Go and police someone else. I’m not interested in your crap.

A lot the pitchfork waving crew also casually ignoring that there are currwntly 80k-90k medical cannabis users in UK. If indeed she is actually consuming any.

Tbh I’m not surprised an apologist for child neglect isn’t interested in my ‘crap’.

I have no interest in what you have to say other than to point out that your standards are too low. Way too low.

@Ohmygeorgey in the depths of winter there would have been 5-6 days in a row where we didn’t go out, yes. This week though today is the first day we have had at home. A lot of the places near us are only open during school holidays and we live really rurally, they play on the street but we don’t even have a park within a 5 mile radius.
I don’t really see the issue with staying in pjs all day? What’s the point in getting dressed to not leave the house? I’ll then bath her and put fresh pjs on in the evening. Yeah most days, some days if she’s fallen asleep early I’ll think damn I’ve forgot to brush them but by that point if shes asleep I won’t wake her up to do it.

However there clearly are welfare concerns, did you not read the post! OP needs to report as niece’s mother maybe suffering from depression!

What's that got to do with this? Smoking anything around small children should be discouraged. Don't care if it's tobacco, weed or crack.

Not at all, but I'll take it anyway, its hard work putting your child first, its a shame not everyone does it.

Ah, this is what it boils down to

But a bottle of wine while they're in bed is fine, right?

So OP made this thread 2 days ago, 10pm, wrote 8 posts in the first 34 minutes and has not returned since 🤔 ….. maybe there’s less to this situation than everyone thinks 🤷‍♀️ Everyone is getting their knickers in a twist, OP will be just sitting laughing at the chaos she’s caused 🤔

Can you report her anonymously? I am not sure how it works but it would be worried if the mum doesn’t let you see your niece if she finds out that you reported her. But of course you should do something about it and not let this situation continues as is

Agreed. I've been a single mum to DS since he was born. He hates having his teeth brushed, but it's non negotiable, as are all the other personal hygiene tasks I do for him, the only ones of which he likes being baths/showers.
Keeping my house in a reasonable state is also good for my mental health as I hate mess, and I want it to be clean and tidy for DS, (until all his toys and books get pulled out and end up all over the place!)

Nope. I don't agree with drinking in excess either.

Your 40 yo brother got a 20 yo girl pregnant and left her? So gross.

YES report, she needs help.

I would have zero relationship with brother if he did that.