Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

Taking into account that he was 25 years older, not to mention that he has other children, yes, I’d say she was vulnerable. He sounds like a predator.

They both need support, which is what social services will give. Removing the child from the parent is a last resort unless it’s an emergency situation. The child needs protection and that will be the priority, but the mother is clearly not coping and they need to identify the root cause and provide support so that she can care for her child properly. The two go hand in hand.

You can ask nursery to raise it with MASH as well as a safeguard concern yourself which can be anonymous.
As child is young speak to the local health visitor team too as they can do welfare visitor at home.

I thought that maybe the mum was just depressed until the weed was mentioned. You could maybe ask the mum if she needs support from you and tell her you don't want her smoking it anymore. If the poor child is removed from her mother will you and your family be able to care for her? Or will she go into into foster care or go to the mothers family who might be worse? Offer to help and do it. Most young mums in this kind of situation need a friend to speak to and regular support from a responsible person. If she refuses all help after repeated offers I'd phone social services or nspcc for advice. You don't need to report her then you could ask for advice with out names.

Are you for real???

The nursery can report that she smells of cannabis and they will take it from there. It sounds a very sad way to live. Maybe mum needs mental health advice and support

I'm not telling you personally to stop anything. I am suggesting that we in general adjust our attitudes towards certain things. I don't think it's necessarily helpful to categorise every human failing as a symptom of some condition or other. I don't think it helps anyone.

The mum sounds like she is struggling and needs help, there's signs of depression and anxiety in what you've stated.

Your brother needs to step up and help, and if he is unable to then I think reporting is unfortunately the way to go.

If the Mum is enormously fat then of course it’s a concern! Likely the daughter will be the same eventually unless something is done. Have you never seen fat mum and kids , whole families, at school pick up? She will be bullied at school. She is likely missing out on social interaction too. Mum needs help

Report report report

https://crimestoppers-uk.org/keeping-safe/community-family/child-neglect Report.

Contact MASH for advice they may say to go through the nursery and they might do a home visit, I don't fully know how it works, but definitely needs reporting. You obviously care and it would be awful to have the "what if" hanging over you also. X

Have you read the whole passage?

Report to social services. They will assess and determine what is needed. They will offer support.
You can report anonymously if you want to.

💯 report!!! Getting dressed and food in the house are basic requirements. Horrid women! Poor little mite. I’d do it anonymously so the mum doesn’t restrict your access and I’m try and get your brother to help

This is how neglected kids grow up and people wonder how no one realised.
how can a 4 yo be left with someone gaming and smoking weed without even going out for days at time? This is terrible poor kid

Its the cat urine and litter trays for me 😬
Poor kid. Have you tried speaking to her mother about it? I would report as it could be depression but either way it isn't a great environment for the child.

I would suggest it’s the reverse.
for some people if they know what is mis-firing in their brain (eg executive function of following steps in ADHD), or what signal is not reaching their brain (eg social cues in autism)…
Then it gives us a really clear scope for where and how we can make adjustments.
the person no longer feels like they’re a chaotic disaster or that they don’t fit in. They now know there are positive coping mechanisms and/or adjustments that will assist in helping them interact with others in a successful way.

the major problem of the brain is that it often seems like a mystery. We can see a broken leg. We can’t see which part of the brain is broken with an X-ray.
If we can unlock some of that mystery in this way then it helps people feel better / normal / /Successful / useful / productive

Your brother sounds like a delight.

Please report. There is absolutely no excuse for any of this. That poor little girl.

Sorry to wade in with another opinion, I have read your post and I definitely think you should report.

I'm also concerned for the animals welfare. The trays should be being changed daily and disinfected regularly. There is nothing in the world as strong as cat pee in my experience and if left, the ammonia in it can really end up stinging the eyes - badly. My cat peed on my trousers a while ago and I didn't realise until I got to work. The smell just grew in the heat over the course of the day and I could hardly see by the end of it. I had to try to convince my colleagues it was a problem in the office.

This thread had really made me panic now that I’m neglectful!! Some days I don’t leave the house with my 4 year old, we do have days out at least once a week even if it’s just a walk around the shops but there are many days - especially over winter - where we have stayed in all day long, and on many days we stay in I don’t bother to dress her either as what’s the point in creating extra washing to not even leave the house? My house is clean though, and I brush her teeth most days at least once. I don’t smoke, drink or do any drugs, we’re married in a nice house.

But this thread has really made me panic.

This honestly sounds like my nieces situation, DB and SIL both gamers and house was filthy all of the time. DN was never dressed and everything just smelled musty and dirty. She only had a good bath when she came to stay with us, which was as often as possible. No matter what we did to help or said nothing improved. When she started school she missed days regularly and when she missed four days in a row the police were sent and they took one look at the house and brought her round to us, where she lived for 8 years until SIL got her life in order and had her back.
Do not wait, report her now. The weed is enough, she should not be smoking it with DN in the flat regardless of whether she is asleep in another room or not.

She sounds increadibly depressed, probably from your deadbeat brother abandoning her, and his lunatic sister randomly turning up at her house to judge her and using her friends who are professionally (although actually increadibly unprofessional) working with child to spy on her.
Maybe tell the deadbeat your related to to pull his weight, and stay the heck out of her business, before attacking the parent thats actually trying.

Report to social services anonymously meanwhile offering to help, take the little girl out maybe keep her overnight now and again. Don’t make your offer of help too obvious otherwise she might clock it and put 2 and 2 together that it was you that reported her. You don’t want to alienate yourself from them.