Things you're doing in your life right now that would sound bonkers if you told anyone, but make sense to you....

[HundredsOfTinyWillies]

I'm currently stalking a man in my neighbourhood because I love his dog. I've bumped into this man and his dog twice. I've started going out at the same-ish time and walking the same-ish route in the hopes of meeting him his dog

I have a whole imaginary world in my head where I'm a former supermodel now living a quiet life in the countryside. When I'm pottering around doing household chores, I pretend Louis Theroux is following me asking me probing questions about my tough childhood and stratospherically successful career.

I plan retirement every single day. I model different scenarios with different levels of income. I look at properties in retirement communities a lot. I'm 40.

I would never say these things out loud to another human because they make me sound absolutely bonkers. But there it is.
Tell me your weirdness that you could never verbalise...

When I can't sleep, I either write out a post for mumsnet to get an answer to a problem, rewriting it and shortening it several times, usually asleep by the second rewrite.
Or- my island. I've got an island where I put annoying celebrities that get on my tits. Paul McCartney and Ant and Dec are top of my list. I'd put Heather Mills- McCartney on there too, not because I dislike her but just to piss Paul McCartney off!

Why don’t you like Paul McCartney?

Don't like the Beatles for a start! Something about him sets my teeth on edge.

Yep, but with shopping lists, in categories, so one is fruit and veg, one is stuff for diy, or breeds of dogs I'd buy etc. (I don't want a dog!)

My grandson is very into dinosaurs and we have long discussions about them. When he was about 4 he decided he'd have a velocoraptor plus some compies(?). When I asked how he'd feed the raptor and stop it eating people, he said he'd train it and if it misbehaved he'd give it "the look". When I asked him what look, he said "you know grandma, the look you and mummy give" and gave a really good impression!

I constantly work out what my sat nav thinks my average speed is going to be.

E.g. a 50mile journey is going to take 1hr so it thinks I'll average 50mph. I love to recalculate as the time goes down. 30 min means multiplying my distance by 2, 45 by 1.3333, 40 by 1.5 etc.
I only do it with easy mental arithmetic numbers that 60 is divisible by, so 1hr to go, 45min, 40min 30min, 20min, 15, 12 etc.
Though I've been working on my 7.5 times table so I can calculate my average mph when there's 8 minutes to go too.

I have no idea why I do this but I find it very satisfying knowing which are predicted to he the fast and slow bits of a journey and how correct my sat nav is.

Re the mug thing, I've got several favourites that my night time tea goes in (in a mug hierarchy, obvs). Dh doesn't know this, and if he makes visitors tea in any of my night time mugs I'm silently seething. I broke my favourite one the other day and I'm constantly on the lookout for another one to be favourite. Number 2 mug is very smug as it's gone to the top spot but if I find a replacement for broken number 1 mug its days are numbered!

ive been listening to the new Harry Potter audiobooks.

I act out loads of the facial expressions & I really enjoy it. Umbridge was brilliant fun, also Dumbledor, but I’ve had a go at lots of them.

makes me laugh how much I enjoy doing this.

😂

I love all the people singing to their dogs. I sing "Lying in the arms of Mary" to my dog but change the lyrics to "Lying in the paws of Barney"....Barney was the dog who taught me all I had to know, he put me right at my first mistake, dinner was all gone when I learned all I had to know, he really wanted steak.

Singing songs from Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat to distract me when doing a plank.

this thread is bonkers but I love it so much. Another dog singer here. He looks at me like I’m nuts. 🤣🤣

I’d always be Barbara!

I sing to my dog each morning leaving the house if I am going into the office - ‘ooooh why you look so sadddd the tears are in your eyes come on and talk to meeeeee now’ he just looks at me like ‘are you going or what?’