Things you're doing in your life right now that would sound bonkers if you told anyone, but make sense to you....

[HundredsOfTinyWillies]

I'm currently stalking a man in my neighbourhood because I love his dog. I've bumped into this man and his dog twice. I've started going out at the same-ish time and walking the same-ish route in the hopes of meeting him his dog

I have a whole imaginary world in my head where I'm a former supermodel now living a quiet life in the countryside. When I'm pottering around doing household chores, I pretend Louis Theroux is following me asking me probing questions about my tough childhood and stratospherically successful career.

I plan retirement every single day. I model different scenarios with different levels of income. I look at properties in retirement communities a lot. I'm 40.

I would never say these things out loud to another human because they make me sound absolutely bonkers. But there it is.
Tell me your weirdness that you could never verbalise...

I actually have been homeless twice and was lucky enough to never have to sleep on the streets.

My plan was to buy a house big enough for my family and my best friend's family to have a wing each. Sadly my best friend and DH have both passed now. So it would be me, my DC and my best friend's DD.

I have shower gels and shampoos from Lush, they have the faces of the people who made them on them, I turn their faces to the wall so they don't see me naked.

My DS 18 and my aunt want me to run Dungeons and Dragons for them, I'm using a prewritten module but have added a bit because my DS needs to buy an item, there was a shop that I'd forgotten about but my DS now wants to meet the blacksmith I created, I've put far too much effort into this blacksmith, now because we still are nowhere near starting the module I've written a very detailed background and beginning to a campaign. I also rehearse voices out loud a lot.

When I do household chores (especially hoovering) I imagine myself as a sort of American female, sexy, slattern, alcoholic and place a biro in my mouth (instead of a cigarette) and sip regularly from a glass of water, imaging it to be scotch/tequila. Rather in the mould of Liz Taylor in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf except blonde haired. I also swear, with an American accent, at some imaginary good for nothing husband. For some reason this makes cleaning bearable. Can only do it when nobody about though 😄

I actually do not drink alcohol except for maybe one or two on holiday once a year!

I have two imaginary American children called Ruby-Sue and Wyatt, from about the same time frame; feel free to borrow them when you're Hoover!

@DreamingOfGeneHunt Thank you I will add them to my repertoire!

Also to confirm I do not actually have a husband.

Whenever I walk past and see the boardroom at work is booked for a meeting I imagine kicking the door open, entering the room and then twirling around the table everyone sits at and then slamming the door shut on my way out. I am 53 and deemed an introvert but I imagine this scenario every time I walk past.

@BarmyFotheringay me neither. I find imaginary husbands to be much less trouble.

Such a good thread and some posters definitely need to get it written down , bestseller material here in abundance!
Ruby -Sue and Wyatt really made me chuckle, especially as someone recently described a 1980's pic of me as a young mum saying that I looked like a 1960's Texas housewife.
Fab.

I play counting games in my head to fall asleep.
Like how many people in my extended family on my dad’s side vs my mums, females vs males etc.
i names as many things as i can as if um
in a quiz show such how many makeup brands i can name, or white American actors, or English black singers. I mix it up.

I pretend I’m an influencer when I go shopping or get a delivery doing a haul video, or when I’m doing my makeup.
my viewers are so supportive and theres no trolls plus my clients are all celebrities

Ugh 😩 never thought of that!...but will now!!

When I’m running to upbeat music on the treadmill, I daydream about being a poolside entertainer in a holiday resort and imagine the hotel dance that I’d have everyone do. It makes the time pass so quickly! A particular favourite is ‘La Bomba’ by King Africa, or of you’ve holidayed in Turkey you’ll know of ‘Simarik’ by Tarkan!

When I'm out on my road bike I often imagine I've been last chance talent-spotted (imagine The Rookie but cycling) to be in a professional women's bike team and we're doing a stage of the Tour de Femmes (womens Tour de France) that finishes in my home town.

Obviously I know the local roads so well I've made a break away from the peleton at a totally unexpected point and am trying to keep ahead to get the stage win.

I imagine the race commentary in my head and obviously always win against all odds (well I am 53!).

Sorry.

Oh you are all wonderful! Thank you.

I have an island (roughly half the size of UK) which is to be used in the event of societal breakdown. This maybe sooner rather than later. Only decent people are allowed (you are all invited, obvs) and i have vetted everyone thoroughly.
We have enough members to form a functioning society, although we use bartering and skill trading rather than money systems.
Hording is very much frowned upon, although everyone has enough of what they need to eliminate the need for theft or violent crime.
We are completely self sufficient and feel sad for those left on the mainland.
I haven't quite factored in the T-rex yet.

Also I am friends with global megastars, and they tell me their secrets as they know they can trust me to support them. I would never tell.

I have won the lottery and have a property portfolio that I have picked out on Rightmove from a variety of countries. I have had to use different property search engines for some of them as Rightmove doesn't have many listings.

I am shameless in having a favourite mug.

I have a mug hierarchy. I tried to teach it to DH but he got really stressed about bringing me a drink in the wrong mug so I had to tell him it doesn’t actually matter. It does matter! I just have to be silently disappointed when the drink and mug doesn’t match.

🤣

I am never unwatching this thread.

Regarding mugs, I recently broke my favourite and people are being very kind and trying to help me find a new one but I have such a strict list of specifications that it's impossible for anyone who isn't me to pick one.
"It's very nice but" is starting to wear thin I think!

Tell me your mug specifications please. I also have a list. I'd like to compare.

I have specifications too. It has to be big but not too big. Not so big that the tea goes cold before I finish it, but big enough so that I get enough tea.

The rim has to be the right thickness to feel right in my mouth.

I also have different specifications for mugs for tea or for coffee.

Coffee mugs are bigger and wider than tea mugs.

Large, but not ridiculously so. Smaller than a Sports Direct cup but not much smaller.
Straight sides unless goblet shaped.
No writing, no numbers, no pictures of people or animals.
No pictures of houses or places.
No fluorescent colours.
Not black.
Not red.
Not metallic style paint unless it's gold.
Not white.
No silly handles.
Not too thick, nor too thin.
No stripes.
Not dark blue.
Not textured.

@HeadDeskHeadDesk please share yours!

Not too big. Smaller is better for me.
Not too thick.
Ideally bone china or at least ceramic, not earthenware or (horror of horrors) one of those artisan hand thrown clay things that you find at craft fairs and shops in holiday destinations.

Mustn't have too thick a rim and the rim needs to have a nice mouth feel. yes I do put them to my lips to test them out in shops
Mustn't have any sort of rough texture or pattern that will touch my lips.
Can't be an unstable, top heavy shape that will topple over easily if I accidentally knock it. Needs a base at least as wide as the top.
Handle can't be too small or in a stupid position.
I don't object to patterns, pictures or writing so long as I find it attractive to look at.

BUT if it has a pattern or picture it has to be smooth to the touch. Nothing where I can feel that it's been printed on.