Dh woke me up to stop me snoring, he's got the whole day to himself

[Dragonhugs]

We're on holiday in the UK just now, our DC (young adults and a mid teen) and the young adults partners.
Dh and I are in a bedroom with two single beds. I must have been snoring and he couldn't reach over to shake me as he'd usually do. He loudly clapped, two different occasions and then shouted out my name. All three times woke me and I've given up now and gotten up.
I'm peri menopausal, I don't sleep well most of the time and when I'm properly awake that's it.
Today everyone (apart from him) is visiting an attraction that we've had booked for months. Everyone is looking forward to it. He's not coming and is staying at the holiday cottage on his own. He enjoys long lies and naps on most days he's not working. He'll certainly be going back to bed today once he's taken some of us to the train station (we brought two cars).
I'm so annoyed I'm up at this hour, facing a full day and he's having a day to himself on a full night's rest.

I used to be married to a snorer who was incredibly loud. It's hard to sleep through and you never know how much your snoring is as bad as theirs.

It was a surprise when I split up from him and started a new relationship to find out I snore! My ex had presumably slept through his own nightly cacophony of chaos, he slept through mine too.

For today, it's one day of an early start. You'll survive.

But snoring can be a sign of sleep apnoea. I was surprised to find I have / had it but only mildly. It's one of the reasons I gave up alcohol and am losing weight. Have a look at the symptoms on here to see if any seem familiar?

Sleep apnoea - NHS

I was checked because of my long covid symptoms but as part of it my partner had to fill in a questionnaire about how much I snore and whether I ever seem like I seem like I stop breathing and then gasp for breath. Which apparently I do and he'd never told me!

If you do have it, you may need a CPAP or a gum shield like device.

I have a partner that snores like 2 warthogs being tortured and it's AWFUL, keeps me awake for hours at times.

HOWEVER, I also know he works far harder than me and if I have a quiet day and he has a busy one then I'll leave him to it and nap later. It only seems fair to me. I do snore, but it doesn't disturb him.

Oh gawd, OH snores all the time to the point that I sleep in ear plugs but on the rare occasion I do it he wakes me up to tell me to stop! Last week he was particularly pissed off with me because apparently I acknowledged him telling me I was snoring but I didn’t stop! (Like I did it deliberately to keep him awake!)

Nowadays my snoring has improved apparently since losing a stone and stopping drinking but my other half still snores occasionally, especially when he's been drinking. Could you not have gone and slept on the couch? That's what I've done when I've had problems sleeping, even when I've been away.

Should he have gone to the couch? Possibly but if you're both awake, then one of you going just solves the issue.

Team DH. As you were well aware of your snoring issue you should have planned to sleep in another room.

My husband snores. He’s given me permission to slap him if he does. It’s great fun.

Snoring is really no fun for the other person, so I’m sorry but I’m with DH on this one. I’m sure I read a statistic about how often snoring is brought up in divorce cases…

The way he woke you was rude, and clapping is a bit much because it can be really jarring when you’re asleep. However, I can understand his frustration. I have slept next to a snorer and it honestly is like a form of torture and can make you want to smother them, even though it’s not something that can be helped or is done intentionally.

I never found ear plugs to be much use and always found them quite uncomfortable because I sleep on my side. It also made me a bit resentful that I was effectively looking for a solution to someone else’s problem.

I could never approach my ex about it because he would say it gave him a complex if I tried to turn him over during the night - he would also get annoyed if I went and slept on the couch or in the spare bedroom, so I couldn’t win.

You obviously haven’t said anything like that is happening in your relationship, but I just wanted to give a little bit of context to why snoring can really be a big problem in relationships if it’s not dealt with and not communicated about.

Have you been to the doctor to speak to them about it and find the root cause/a solution?

Enjoy your day out with your family - I’m sure it will be lovely, regardless 😊

I'm sure I snore due to weight gain that was a side effect of a medication that I've recently been tapered off. I'll hopefully lose the weight slowly and steadily.
If it were me that couldn't sleep due to his snoring I'd have moved through to the couch or very comfortable recliner. (If the peri sleep issues weren't there)

The rest of us have a full day planned and I'd been pacing myself since we got here to make sure I'd be okay for today. (Long term disability and mobility issues) I'm annoyed that I'm starting the day tired and a bit miffed with him. Everyone will be up soon and I'll have to just get on with it as usual while he has a day to himself

I don't snore every night

I’m also with your husband here. You need to get your snoring addressed. As a wife of someone who escaped to the spare room in the night listening to the relentless noise of a snore all night is hideous.

I would ALWAYS want to be woken if my snoring is disturbing someone else. I thought everyone felt this way. No one has a special entitlement to snore, no matter what kind of day they have planned.

It seems very selfish to bribe you deserve a full nights sleep at the expense of someone else being able to sleep.

It’s irrelevant that he’s not going on the big day out, he still deserves a normal nights sleep. You could have changed position the first time you were woken or if you say the comfy chair in another room would have been ok to sleep on, you could have moved there.

No matter. If you frequently snore, and aren't prepared to address it, then you should sleep in a separate room if you have a big day planned. You can't expect your OH, or anyone else, to simply put up with your snoring if it disturbs their sleep.

You are starting out, what you have said is to be a special day with negativity in that you MAY feel tired later.

I'm sure during your life you have pushed through a day and the second wind kicked in at some point.

You are being a bit dramatic.

Yes, she is waking him repeatedly throughout the night!

You would think, wouldn’t you? But people are really weird about it, and I agree that nobody has the right to disturb someone’s sleep.

My ex was a horrendous snorer and honestly the noise made me murderous. I would always try and turn him over without waking him, and then he’d roll onto his side and either start snoring again or roll back onto his back and the noise would get worse.

If he woke up as a result of me (lightly) shoving him, he would get really annoyed and would be in a mood the next day and say that I was giving him a complex 🙄.

He also got annoyed if I slept elsewhere in the house, because “real couples share a bed.” When I suggested going to the doctor about his snoring, that was shot down. Basically I was supposed to just tolerate it.

Sorry but I’m with Dh on this. Why should his day be ruined through tiredness (no matter what he has planned). Go to bed early after your day out if you’re tired op.

Sorry but sleeping next to a snorer is a different level of torture. I am in team dh.
although he could’ve gone to the sofa I do maybe x2 a week minimum

Your husband is catching up on the sleep he missed whilst you were asleep and keeping him awake!

You need help with your snoring, I’m with your husband

When is your day to yourself, OP?

It's unfair to expect your husband to get no sleep because of your snoring. Especially if it is wright related.

I’d have woken you up too.

Did you seriously expect him to lie there awake all night listening to you snore because he could sleep today? He shouldn’t have to spend his whole free day sleeping because you kept him awake. There is a big difference in spending the day reading, lounging around and napping, than having to actually have your nights sleep in daytime because someone was snoring the night before. You need to sort your snoring out or maybe have separate rooms.

Team DH too!

So many reasons why we get disturbed in the night, especially we get older (bladder, external noises etc). It's already hard enough to sleep well.

Snoring is avoidable - maybe now you'll look into why you'd doing it OP, and take action.

If DH wakes you up in a similar way, I'm sure you'd expect him to.

I use Loop earplugs if I wake up and my DH is snoring, they’re comfortable and they don’t entirely block out sound just enough to deal with the snoring so I can sleep. It’s miserable and frustrating to be woken by snoring. I can see your side of things too for sure but what’s happened has happened, don’t let it ruin your fun day out - have a cup of coffee and enjoy yourself with your family, don’t ruminate and maybe chat to your DH later about him possibly getting earplugs/you will try and find out more about why you snore etc 😊👍🏻

I don't think you understand how excrutiating it is to be kept awake by someone's snoring.

DH's snoring got worse and worse until he developed severe obstructive sleep apnoea. His has neurological causes so he couldn't do anything to prevent it. He is underweight, doesn't smoke and doesn't drink very much.

He now has a CPAP machine and it has been a game changer.