Dh woke me up to stop me snoring, he's got the whole day to himself

[Dragonhugs]

We're on holiday in the UK just now, our DC (young adults and a mid teen) and the young adults partners.
Dh and I are in a bedroom with two single beds. I must have been snoring and he couldn't reach over to shake me as he'd usually do. He loudly clapped, two different occasions and then shouted out my name. All three times woke me and I've given up now and gotten up.
I'm peri menopausal, I don't sleep well most of the time and when I'm properly awake that's it.
Today everyone (apart from him) is visiting an attraction that we've had booked for months. Everyone is looking forward to it. He's not coming and is staying at the holiday cottage on his own. He enjoys long lies and naps on most days he's not working. He'll certainly be going back to bed today once he's taken some of us to the train station (we brought two cars).
I'm so annoyed I'm up at this hour, facing a full day and he's having a day to himself on a full night's rest.

Team dh here as well, the fact you can sleep through his snoring and it doesn’t bother you is irrelevant. He can’t, that’s not a choice he’s making,

someone snoring is torturous. I also use ear plugs as my husband and I were on the point of I’d rather have left him than endured another fucking night of it. There are few things that will wind you up more than someone snoring if you can’t sleep through it.

id done more than clap to wake you I can assure you. I’m agog at your utter selfishness that you think he should have had no sleep and just let you crack on as he’s a day of doing nothing.

I'm 60. My husband is 64. He snores and it's become so bad that , for the sleeping part of the night, I go into another bedroom ( all very comfy, no hardship). We tried it for a week and I felt ,and looked, like a different person. The constant waking had made me exhausted and ill/ falling asleep in the afternoon because I was shattered. Now we have a kiss goodnight and go into our respective bedrooms. I set the alarm for 6 and get up and go back into the marital bed for a snuggle ( we're retired so get up about 8) . It's working really well. I feel better than I have for years and years. I cannot manage with disturbed sleep post menopause. We have a camper van. We're selling it because it's impossible with the snoring. We have always booked cottages/ apartments etc with enough space to sleep separately if necessary and we'll continue to do that. I wouldn't go on holiday if I couldn't guarantee a separate space to sleep in silence. The prospect of a week / long weekend without proper sleep would put me off ever wanting to go. I'm with your husband I'm afraid. A snoring partner is hell

Absolutely clap him awake, the prick deserves it.

Well it isn’t, it’s not a competition of who has had the worst night sleep. They were in separate beds so how else do you want him to wake her up? Or should he just lie awake for hours on end?

Presumably the people who are appalled expect the husband to a) put up with the horrendous noise b) get out of bed REPEATEDLY, walk over and gently turn the person who is snoring . Perhaps those people would like to set an alarm for every 15 minutes or so throughout the night and ,when it goes off, get out of bed walk across their bedroom and stand over an imaginary snoring person for 5 minutes or so each time. Do that every night for at least a week and you'll understand the lack of sympathy of those on here who live with a snorer.

You need separate rooms for both your sakes.

A better question would be why’s he not going on the day out? I don’t think that’s ok at all.

Lying awake listening to someone snore is rage inducing. You both need appointments at a sleep clinic and you need separate rooms. You are not a victim here.

I suspect team OP posters either don't sleep next to a another or snore themselves. They don't understand how rage inducing it is to be kept awake by a snorer.

DH now used a CPAP machine, but the mask often slips during the night and it wakes me up, so we now sleep in separate bedrooms.

No matter how rational I can be about my husband’s snoring in the day, at night it makes me SO ragey I actually can’t even describe.

Aww OP you're viewing this through the lens of a broken night of sleep yourself and plans you seem to have set a lot of store by feeling interrupted. Don't let it ruin your day, we have all had sleepless nights and you will be fine once you are out in the fresh air.

My overall sympathy is with your DH as being disturbed by snoring genuinely is like torture for those of us not lucky enough to be able to sleep through it. It permeates your sleep before waking you and that cycle of trying to get back to sleep only to be wakened again a short time later is something I could never put myself through again so I totally get why your DH behaved in a way that felt unreasonable to you. I hope you can find a solution.

Whereas you sound so charming 😆

Dh snores and I’d never clap at him and wake him up. I’m irritated on your behalf as someone who also doesn’t get great sleep.

Yep, team DH here, snoring is the most aggravating thing on earth so I don’t blame him, it drives me nuts.
Don’t spoil your day by dwelling on it, it’s a very natural reaction to stop someone snoring.

He probably needs his nap as and lie ins if you're snoring to catch up on his sleep! My dh snores and I have zero sympathy for his lack of sleep on the nights he doesn't do something to resolve it and I wake him up, why should I when he doesn't care his snoring disturbs mine.

My dh snores, sorry but I do wake him up occasionally. It’s horrible being kept awake by snoring. Get your snoring problem sorted and stop doing nothing about it

Op.. really what you mean is " is my husband being unreasonable not to lie awake all night listening to me snore because I have a busier day the next day than him'

I think if you’ve got a busy day you should have slept in separate rooms. Couldn’t one of you have taken a mattress to the living rooms or something?

And yes if he knows he’s likely to be disturbed he should wear ear plugs.

But I also agree that lying next to someone snoring is absolute torture.

So I don’t think either of you are being U, but maybe next time plan a bit better.

This, but there’s a shade of “not doing what I demand/expect = abusive” at the moment isn’t there?

Why isn't he going on the outing? Is that the real issue, that you're resentful he's not sharing the load today?

It's really not unreasonable to disturb someone who's keeping you awake with their snoring.

Also if I were you I would put it into a box and move on. I’ve often done a full day on very little sleep and it’s honestly fine. Have a decent breakfast and a coffee and don’t let it spoil the day.

He’s not really getting a lazy day is he? Playing taxi to you all? He'll certainly be going back to bed today once he's taken some of us to the train station (we brought two cars).
can he make plans if he’s going to have to come and collect me everyone?

Your DH is an arse, and so are the posters acting like you’re snoring on purpose. I say this as a very light sleeper who really struggles with people who snore.

Your DH needs to sort his attitude out, invest in some earplugs, and book a place with separate bedrooms next time. Completely unacceptable to repeatedly wake you when he has the day to himself to sleep.

Should OP lie awake for hours to not disturb DH?

The clapping was unnecessary when he could’ve just got up to wake you up but being woken up repeatedly is horrible and can make people really grumpy. My DH gets restless legs in his sleep and being woken up by that is so annoying. I remember once being in a hotel room and I was planning whether I was going to sleep with my pillow and a towel on the floor or in the bath until he finally stopped. When I told him in the morning he said he should’ve been the one to move because he was the one making the noise