Dh woke me up to stop me snoring, he's got the whole day to himself

[Dragonhugs]

We're on holiday in the UK just now, our DC (young adults and a mid teen) and the young adults partners.
Dh and I are in a bedroom with two single beds. I must have been snoring and he couldn't reach over to shake me as he'd usually do. He loudly clapped, two different occasions and then shouted out my name. All three times woke me and I've given up now and gotten up.
I'm peri menopausal, I don't sleep well most of the time and when I'm properly awake that's it.
Today everyone (apart from him) is visiting an attraction that we've had booked for months. Everyone is looking forward to it. He's not coming and is staying at the holiday cottage on his own. He enjoys long lies and naps on most days he's not working. He'll certainly be going back to bed today once he's taken some of us to the train station (we brought two cars).
I'm so annoyed I'm up at this hour, facing a full day and he's having a day to himself on a full night's rest.

Plenty of ways around snoring challenges as people have suggested.

my concern would be him opting out of family trips on holiday.

You need earplugs or even better separate bedrooms.

I normally book holiday homes with enough bedrooms that we get our own one now. Though have been known to wake up my husband if we're sharing a room and his snoring is stopping me getting any sleep.

Sorry, you need to sort your snoring out and not put this on others. Sorry, I’m a little triggered as I have been on the receiving end of this kind of victim blaming!

I think who gets most sleep is a red herring.
The issue is the snoring.
It affects the quality of sleep of those who listen to it and those who have it.
Try all remedies eg: weight,alcohol,sleeping position,treating medical issues that may be causing snoring or noise cancelling options.
I can understand why you are annoyed to be woken up and lose sleep (although the quality of your sleep will be poor due to snoring)
I can understand why your DH would be annoyed to have his sleep disturbed by your snoring .
You both sound at the end of your tether with the affects of snoring.
Medical advice and try everything to resolve it or separate rooms......

That's unkind of him, definitely.

Sorry op but if he needed to stop you snoring on 3 occasions then it does sound like you need to get to the root of it. That would drive me nuts.

You have my sympathy- peri sleep issues are awful and I’m lucky my husband is sympathetic to the snoring that has definitely increased during this time. When I wake in the night I’m often kept awake listening to him heavy breathing. We both just keep earplugs handy and a nudge usually turns me onto my side- I’d also be very cross at being woken like you were- he could have just come and gently moved you. I completely get how you’re feeling about your day out too- a lack of sleep hugely affects my mood and I’d struggle to snap out of it. Probably better that he’s not coming with you- you won’t spend the day cross with him in person. If you can get to a bigger chemist, my husband says the Alpine ear plugs work really well. Hope you get some sleep tonight x

Have I missed someone suggesting the obvious suggestion of pushing the beds together so he can reach you to shake you? Is there furniture in the way? Regardless of snoring, when our DC were younger if DH and I went on holiday and there was twin beds, the first thing we would do anyway would be push them together!

Posted too soon! Re the snoring, my DH snores on his back and I gently poke him if he’s too loud and he will mutter “sorry” and turn on his side. Someone once suggested sewing a ping pong ball into the back of his PJ top, which I could see working, but he doesn’t wear PJs!

When my husband first moved in with me, he snored badly so I bought some earplugs and they worked a treat. Would your husband try that?

When my husband first moved in with me, he snored badly so I bought some earplugs and they worked a treat. Would your husband try that?

If people post to her, what should she do, ignore them?

Maybe have a go at the people writing repeated posts to her.

It's all very well for those of you who can sleep next to someone who snores, but for those of us who can't it is so unutterably rage inducing.

Sorry, but snoring is intolerable… It may feel selfish that he wakes you up, but sporadic snoring means you’re constantly waking him up… kind of unfair, no?

My husband sometimes snores and I have no compunction in waking him up to reposition his head. Otherwise I’d be awake all night and it’s flipping torture. He gets annoyed sometimes but I don’t feel guilty. I’m not the one making disruptive noises!

As others have said… look at causes, treatment… and if need be gave separate rooms!

team husband. Listening to a snorer is absolute torture, you need separate rooms or houses

I'm genuinely surprised at how many people think it's unreasonable to wake somebody who is snoring when their snoring is keeping you awake. What should he have done?

Well you both snore but you're not as bothered, so you're the one that needs to sort out your snoring.

Both me and my partner snore. Neither of us wakes the other up by shaking them, clapping or shouting their names. That would be unpleasant at best and abusive at worst.

We both need sleep, we both have to do things like wear ear plugs and be considerate of each other, but over the years, we both snore so it is just what it is, even losing weight didn't help me, and I have to wear retainers for my teeth at night too, so nothing helps it. I use a spray and that eases it a little as do strips.

Do what you can to prevent it, then tell him to be more tolerant, then you be tolerant of his snoring.

People are often super-blaming on the snoring partner til they start snoring themselves in menopause, when it becomes them at fault too.

I havent read the thread but assumed most people would be sympathetic to OP (Im not) because she is a she. Thats why

Some people snore all night, like those with sleep apnoea, even when they get the machines, which are very loud in themselves. Should you keep them awake all night in case they snore? Snoring isn't easily cured, otherwise there wouldn't be a million and one 'cures' on the internet and in medicine, would there? I'd love not to snore, it's embarrassing.

There is always going to be some people whose snoring cant be fixed, people talk very glibly about 'he (for it is normally a he that people are moaning about) should do this, do that, see the doctor, use this, use that'

And sometimes those things will work. I lost weight and now am a silent sleeper

My OH is a snorer to the degree we sleep separately most of the time but he's not overweight, not really, maybe a stone, doesnt smoke etc. So on holiday we'll often still be separate rooms, thats the solution. Book somewhere separate. My snoring didnt used to wake him, but his snoring woke me and I cant do without my sleep.

He needs to keep using his CPAP. It will take probably 3-6 months to get used to using it. He can start by wearing it will awake lying down in bed and reading a book or scrolling on his phone. Work up from there to falling asleep with it on and then taking it off when he wakes during the night. Minimum of 4 hours use per night to get clinical benefit from it, but preferably the full night’s sleep. He could make that a goal. After that he can work towards a full night. It’s important that he has the most comfortable and suitable mask for his face and preferred sleeping position. Same with the headgear straps and adjusting them correctly. Also the right humidity, pressure and ramp time. I highly recommend googling how to adjust the full settings for the machine. I adjusted mine numerous times to get it fine tuned for me. Same for DH and his machine.

Rubbish. When did you last listen to a CPAP machine being used? A modern CPAP? They’re almost silent. They aren’t noisy at all. You might hear a very faint whirring or fan noise, and possibly the breathing of the user. They’re quieter than a pedestal fan. Sure, it’s loud when they’re not attached to the user’s face because there’s a crapload of pressured air being blown out of the hose but once it’s being worn you can’t hear it. It’s all going straight into the person’s nose/mouth and keeping their airways open. A correctly adjusted and used CPAP shouldn’t result in the person continuing to snore all night. If they are then they need to go back to the doctor for a referral for another sleep study or back to their respiratory physician to review their CPAP settings. Have you ever had a sleep study done? I highly recommend it.

A pedestal fan is actually quite loud. I like a fan in the bedroom but OH finds it too noisy

Ive never used a CPAP machine but would hate to if Im honest so I have a lot of sympathy when that is suggested or people find it difficult to use. I cant even wear ear plugs or a eye mask in bed, I dont like things round my face so wouldnt use a machine.

Okay then, a pedestal fan on low or a ceiling fan. It’s quiet background white noise. Barely noticeable and your brain tunes it out pretty easily. Clearly you and your OH don’t live where it’s hot and a fan is necessary to be able to sleep comfortably. As for hating to use a CPAP machine, you’d change your mind when it’s a choice between not using it and potentially having a heart attack, brain damage, a daily headache that never goes away, being exhausted, pissing off your partner/children, having a sore throat constantly, peeing frequently during the night, gaining weight, being a dangerous driver because you’re never properly rested and have micro sleeps, falling asleep at any moment, etc and using it and feeling a shitload better. There are masks that only cover the nose and not the nose and mouth. There are mask that are basically nasal prongs for those that hate things on their face. For me putting on my mask is a cue to my body to go to sleep. It took me months to get used to it but now it’s a sleep cue.