Why do men like this woman so much and women don't?

[Pjy]

I'm interested from a kind of study of the human condition pov, it's interesting to see the different ways people respond.

She's a woman I know through a sport. She's pretty good, but not outstanding. Works hard and deserves what she achieves. She's friendly and sociable, can perhaps be a bit opinionated, but nothing extreme, much less so than some men! She's "ordinary" to look at. Not unattractive, maybe a bit plain and doesn't seem particularly interested in her appearance (a good thing in my book). She's clean and presentable, but not glamorous or interested in clothes and makeup, not the obvious type to gain male attention iyswim.

She's very popular with men. I'm not saying the fancy her (maybe they do, I don't know), but they seem to enjoy being around her, respect her ability and training in a way they don't other, sometimes more successful, women.

Women, including me, just find something a bit off about her. I can't put my finger on it, I don't dislike her, but she's not someone I want to be friends with. Some of the other women really dislike her, but also can't really explain it.

Is it as straightforward as a bit of jealousy, or something else?

I’m not sure how true generally this is, I like talking about people on a deep level and so do most of my male friends. I know some deep things about them and their families, we don’t tend to do superficial chat gossiping aimlessly about people though so that might be the difference?

I worked during uni in a bar, men most definitely talk about women's looks (and what they say is either RANK 🤢 or really mean).

But true, it's generally among themselves, not with other women there.

This is what I was trying to get at. I just can’t imagine how the subject of a fellow acquaintance’s level of attractiveness would come up in conversation with a mixed group including OP who is, presumably also female.

Have just read how the blokes are describing her as told by OP.

Bizarre.

But yeah then I suppose if that was the case the reason they like her is precisely because they don’t fancy her so it’s all simple and easy, they can just see her as a fellow sports team mate - uncomplicated.

That’s clearly not what the poster meant

In my experience, I think maybe men do tend to talk less about what their family and friends are doing, but women I know more often mention major events as a 'here's the news', and then the conversation shifts into deeper territory.

I think the amount of superficial chat generally depends more on the interests (or lack thereof) or intelligence of the people talking, rather than the sex. I know some people (men and women) who are useless to talk to beyond the very basics of their superficial interests or gossip about friends/telly, while others of both sexes can have very lively, in-depth conversations that turn into the most interesting discussions.

And the women are probably a bit envious cos she seems to be able to opt out of “the game” and be seen by men in that uncomplicated way. Cos it certainly makes it easier to relate to men (who of course have the power in our society, ie higher social status) when it’s like that. No doubt I’ll be shouted down but it seems the most plausible explanation to me. My only surprise is that they don’t just keep their opinions about her attractiveness inside their heads - I’m not surprised they have them.

In what way is it not what the poster meant? Seemed spot on to me?

I'm not so sure! I once asked a couple of strangers in a packed pub to keep an eye open for the friend I was meeting. Realised I couldn't think of any unique descriptors, so said "White, thirties, brown hair. He looks really normal! Sorry, I can't do better than that."

They recognised him straight away.

You've never heard of men commenting on women's looks??! Come on 😂

It’s a shame that groups of women let themselves down by focussing on and criticising the looks of other women. It comes across as rather shallow tbh. I am, at best, bordering on ugly but I luckily have a small group of people who are amazing friends and have looked past that and seen other positive qualities

All the time? Really? 🤔 and you say they respect her but they talk about her looks all the time?

I am picking up that you are now just saying stuff to fit your agenda

You are revealing yourself as someone hugely overinvested in this woman. She really triggers something in you

Not to the extent the OP is suggesting these men apparently to do.

and generally when men do it’s to say how hot someone is. It’s very unusual for men to repeatedly point out how ordinary somebody looks not something I’ve ever noticed.

I have an old friend from school who is insanely popular with men, always has been. Absolutely nothing to look at; very girl next door and pleasant looking and she genuinely enjoys hobbies such as biking, sport and vintage cars and men often have the same interests. She has a great job and was never interested in having kids.

Men generally wouldn’t go for someone they considered ugly or fat but they don’t value glamour looks as highly as we think they do.

“Absolutely nothing to look at”

Jesus, what a way to describe a ‘friend’.

Plain wasn’t strong enough for you?

Or maybe their mother's and sisters were so awful in childhood they are fearful of women at a trauma-level and so are more comfortable with men?

Don’t worry, that’s how she would describe herself. She bases no particular value on looks, perhaps we should all be aiming for that. 🤷‍♀️

Lots of women automatically dislike women who get a lot of attention from men. Its as simple as that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course men never make digs at other men...no sirreee.

Sounds like me!!!! I can just TELL when people don't like me, but at my age Im not changing for them!!!

Not in the way described by the OP, no. The language is a lot more femine in the OP’s description. I have never once heard a man say, “oh she’s great at x but plain” they might say “oh she’s hot/pretty etc” comments to the negative are usually for the benefit of other men and normally are then definitely negative.IME the word “plain” is too middle of the road for men to bother with. “Plain is neither committing to liking or disliking” men don’t tend to go down such superfluous commentary. I’ve never heard a man say “she’s too plain for me” it’s a term women tend to reserve for other women

If I were in a mixed group, and the men started degrading a woman's looks, I would tell them to fuck off.
However, I'm not sure this has happened. More likely the women have commented to the men that so and so is plain....and the men have just agreed, probably to shut up the bitching.

Edit: can’t use the quote function… I’ll try again

Maybe they don’t feel like they have enough in common with her?