Why do men like this woman so much and women don't?

[Pjy]

I'm interested from a kind of study of the human condition pov, it's interesting to see the different ways people respond.

She's a woman I know through a sport. She's pretty good, but not outstanding. Works hard and deserves what she achieves. She's friendly and sociable, can perhaps be a bit opinionated, but nothing extreme, much less so than some men! She's "ordinary" to look at. Not unattractive, maybe a bit plain and doesn't seem particularly interested in her appearance (a good thing in my book). She's clean and presentable, but not glamorous or interested in clothes and makeup, not the obvious type to gain male attention iyswim.

She's very popular with men. I'm not saying the fancy her (maybe they do, I don't know), but they seem to enjoy being around her, respect her ability and training in a way they don't other, sometimes more successful, women.

Women, including me, just find something a bit off about her. I can't put my finger on it, I don't dislike her, but she's not someone I want to be friends with. Some of the other women really dislike her, but also can't really explain it.

Is it as straightforward as a bit of jealousy, or something else?

Honestly, I'm a woman in my 30s and would consider myself strongly feminist, but when asked to describe someone's looks, I have used the words, 'fairly plain' for both men and women before when they seemed to fit (someone with an austere aesthetic, who's not particularly attractive, but not unattractive either).

I describe myself as plain because I am. Not ugly, not beautiful, totally average and unremarkable. It's got a meaning.

It has always been used to describe unattractive women,

Why do you have to attach judgements on people’s looks anyway?

There always seems to a woman who send men into a lather with some kind of attractant that is incomprehensible or indetectable to other women. They arent the best looking, or the funniest or the smartest . But its like flies round shite.
I have come to the conclusion that its down kind of pheromone.

Having said that we arent very good at knowing what the opposite sex is into.

My husband has occasionally described a bloke as somebody everybody will fancy or really good looking. When I meet them, they are perfectly ordinary , not the woman magnet I was expecting.

Good for you.

Absolutely. I think it's less commonly used these days (perhaps 'ordinary' is more common) but still not that unusual.

Because if, for instance, I tell my mother that my cousin is dating someone, and she says, "Oh, is she/he attractive?" then I see no reason not to give my own judgement. Much as I would also say whether or not I thought they were intelligent, or whether or not I thought they were of good character, or whether or not I considered them tall.

Is that an issue?

I don't know why that offended you as it apparently did; someone said people don't use the word plain to describe people so I gave an example of how I do and why, and deliberately kept it to myself so that I wouldn't offend anyone.

Ah, what the hell. I once caused offence on here by suggesting someone use fish, blood and bone in the garden instead of menstrual blood. Some you win.

"suggesting someone use fish, blood and bone in the garden instead of menstrual blood"

Omg, I love this website. What a conversation to have!

Well you've either got it or you haven't.

Not an issue. Just not particularly helpful as a descriptor because the answer is always subjective

Not offended, I just think describing someone physically should be kept to facts and not judgements. Perhaps that’s just me.

Similar sense of humour to the men? Talks about similar things and has something worthwhile to add? Drama free? Straight-forward in nature? Doesn't over-analayze who likes who because it's not that important really?

Those are the sorts of things I'd put at the top of the list.

If you're all there to enjoy yourselves and have fun, then those qualities are more pertinent to that than looking good or being amazing at the sport I'd have said. Being 'a bit' opinionated is fine isn't it? It means you can discuss stuff without getting into a big argument, or having to drop it cos no one gives a monkeys?

Of course, if none of the above applies, then it's probably fair to say the men couldn't 'put their finger on why' they get on with her any more than you can't put your finger on why you don't. Maybe it's pheromones! 😆

Eh, it's always subjective, when it comes to looks. I'd probably describe their general appearance, and then say, "Not my type, really - a bit plain, I suppose? Not unattractive, like, nothing wrong with them, but not particularly appealing either." If that makes sense!

Obviously it's only really useful to say to people who already know 'my type' and preferences, too! I don't just run around casting judgement on all and sundry.

Well, I think most of us have a fairly good eye for what's considered conventionally attractive, whatever our personal preferences are. And the obvious question for this situation is, "Is she beautiful?" by which we can assume people mean conventionally. OP says not and apparently even the men who admire her think not and say so, and sometimes use the word "plain" to express that, which I can believe because I've heard them do it and I sometimes do as well.

Of course ideally we wouldn't pick apart people's looks but it was kind of inevitable here, and OP is the only one who knows what this woman looks like.

It sounds like she has loads of charisma! No one can stop talking about her. You can't stop thinking about her, OP!

Just goes to show, it's really not appearance that is the most important thing, even for women. Character and attitude is what makes a person attractive and good company.

It will be her personality that they like, which isn't that unusual. Possibly that she has opinions that she's fine to talk about, which means she has decent chat and people can actually get to know who she is, plus she's dedicated to her sport so has self discipline and is friendly. She's fairly normal and inoffensive looking too.

Easy to see why she's popular

They definitely fancy her - but aren’t sure why. Some women are like that - desirable, sexy, intriguing - but technically ‘plain’. It’s confusing the men and annoying the women.

it’s the only explanation for why men are going out of their way to say she’s not attractive. I mean why say that?

Its almost like men look beyond tits and arses and find other qualities in a woman desirable and attractive.

If OP's theory is correct, I think I actually prefer it when they find tits and arses attractive qualities rather than consistently making digs at women and never men.

Oddly, comments like that don't surprise me....but only on MN.😆

Alternatively, maybe they don't fancy her, so there is none of the competing for her attention with other men.

I would also bet they only comment on her looks when other women bring it up.

I hang out with men mainly and I’m really surprised at some of the comments they’re supposedly making about her looks. I’ve just simply never come across it Is it football?

No me neither, it’s usually a female thing to talk that way. The op does seem overly focused on her appearance. I think this is Jealousy from the op, she doesn’t understand why the men like her more than they like the op so she’s focused on how she looks.

‘Even The Men say she’s plain’
wow, do they?
that’s nice of them.
you all sound horrible, sounds like she needs to find new, less superficial friends