Am I making myself look silly socialising with younger colleagues at lunch?

[Needtoughlove]

I am wondering about age differences in the office and what your take is on it.

I work in a team of 9 women. 3 of us are 45 and over and the remaining women ages range from 23 to 26.

I get on well with everyone. The two older ladies take their lunches at their desks whereas the younger ladies tend to go out to lunch.

I will sometimes go out for lunch with the group. It is not a clique group and is very much open to whoever wants to go. They are all getting mortgages and settling down and we talk about all sorts. I do have children in their 20’s so sometimes feel old when I reference something they are doing but I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.

I had a meeting with one of the other older ladies and we were just chatting and it was referenced that they was an age disparity in the office. I said that I didn’t really feel it and she said “well that’s because you are always trying to be down with the kids”. I pulled her up on it straight away and she assured me that no one had said anything but from her perspective, she felt it strange that I wanted to hang out with the 20 somethings. I assured her that they were colleagues and it was just nice to get out of the office at lunch but now I wonder if I am making myself look silly.

It has me overthinking now. Are they just asking me along as they are nice people and don’t want to leave anyone out? Should I graciously bow out and take myself off for a walk.

She made a silly joke.

Come on now - you are a woman in your forties who occasionally spends 40 mins having lunch with younger colleagues. You can’t possibly be hand wringing over whether this is ok?

Sounds completely fine to me - you go sometimes, but not all the time, and you’re all happy with the arrangement.

I had a few holidays with someone that was 20 years my junior, we were work colleagues to start with.

I found she was laughing at me behind my back, not saying this is happening to you but I found the age difference just made me a target for being the odd one out at times.

No, nor at all. You were perceptive enough to understand her slightly bitchy comment so I'm sure you'd notice if they didn't want you around. I'm sure they enjoy your company as much as you enjoy theirs.

God I would go out clubbing with my younger colleagues. I was in my late 40's then and they were in their 20's.

it’s not every day it’s occasionally. it’s fine. the older woman maybe can be bothered with the lively younger ones? or just a quiet person or saving for her annual cruise, who knows.

I’d suggest as long as you dont go out each and every time the young team go out itll be fine. sometimes staying in letting them head out themselves is a good balance.

Our office is mixed and we sometimes go for lunch or walk around the shops if we have time, a couple of few, age doesn’t matter at all.

Dont be daft, one of the nice parts of work is low level friendships across different generations. Don't let her make you question yourself

Just enjoy what you enjoy. My son is nearly 30 and I've still got his mates on FB!
I don't think twice twice about it, I wouldn't whilst out either.
It's usually just a laugh and sharing fun things.
Your colleagues are the one's being miserable.

Just carry on as you are. Stop over thinking things 😉

I’d say her comment probably comes out of slight jealousy that she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to do the same.
My office is similar in terms of age ranges , youngest about 25 through to late 50s.
We all chat and join in together, if younger and older are lunching at the same time they’d sit together and nothing would be thought of it!

How many stereotypes can you fit into one paragraph?

What a narrow minded view your older colleague has. People are people, some are dicks, some are sound and age is just one of the things about us, not our defining characteristic. I'm 52 and have friends - and colleagues - in their 20s and 70s. Yes, my closest friends are all around 5 years either side of me due to life circumstances but it doesn't mean I don't have fun and great chats and a sense of connection with others. You sound very self aware and like you would know if your presence was awkward or inhibiting for your younger colleagues. So I say crack on try to ignore or forget what your colleague said, it was mean and comes from a narrow world view which you clearly don't share

I don’t think it would be weird if you did it every day. Work is a great leveller. I have good friends from work 20yrs older and younger.

You would know if they didn't want you to go with them, little looks, shrugs and side glances (that oh not her hanging around again atmosphere). If you are happy and they are happy it's no one else's business and sounds a bit like jealousy. Why do you have to play the old lady and sit at your desk for lunch like the others?

As long as you’re not pretending to be something you’re not, you won’t look silly.

Having friends in different age groups is great, gives you different perspectives and that can only be a good thing.

yeah,narrow minded.

I'm 52. My BFF is 63. My other closest friend is 84. I always laugh when my older friend gets cross with her children who patronise her and she tells them off by saying 'I have FRIENDS younger than you!'.

It's great you get on well with people at work. Your colleague sounds like she is really missing out if she puts people into boxes.

Oh for goodness sake! I’m in my 40s and some of the best colleagues I get on with at work are in their 20s.

Fgs your colleague made an off the cuff joke.

Unless the drip is that you and your colleagues are at each other’s throats and the colleague is a horror…. I can’t believe anyone would give this a nano second’s further thought

Oof, it’s the word “trying” isn’t it? She sounds a little jealous, but you should carry on. I’ve worked in offices like this and we’ve all got along great and socialised regularly. Sounds as if they like your company.

Why on earth shouldn't it be every day? The people I was closest to in my previous job were in their 20s when I was in my 40s. Should I have said to them, "no, sorry we cant go for lunch today. Ill have to find an older person for part of the week as its unbecoming". Ridiculous advice.

OP the woman that said this meant it to put you down and its likely because of jealousy that you have friends in both groups. Im like you and just dont worry about ages in friendships. Ive always had friends both younger and older than me. Those friends I used to have in the office when I was 40s and they were 20s are still good friends now we're in our 30s and 50s. Dont let her destabilise you with her comments, it what she wants.You're clearly well liked and she is a piece of work.

Age is just a number. When I was in my early 20s, I enjoyed older colleagues joining us at lunch. Never thought they were too old. Actually probably made me feel like a proper adult that people a lot older listened to me 🤣

Point is, people can enjoy each others company without having to be in the same stage of life. The comment made was probably out of slight jealousy.

When I was 18 my two favourite colleagues were 48 and 63, I was also friendly with people of all ages and we'd have lunch, nights out and go to each others houses for some things. I don't think being friends has age barriers when everyone involved is an adult, you can have things in common with people of all ages.

Are you the older colleague?

I'm close to 60 and have lunch with mainly under 35s in the kitchen at work, the others nearer my age eat at their desks, we all get on fine and talk about all sorts. I like hearing their perspective on life (they are a few years older than my DCs) and they like my perspective as someone their parents age but not their parent. But we talk about all sorts of things that are not life stage specific, travel, friends, films, local goings on, sport, as well as work.

Totally normal thing to do at my work where employee ages range from teen through to 70+. My closest friends at work are 20 years older and 20 years younger than me and we spend loads of time together.