Am I making myself look silly socialising with younger colleagues at lunch?

[Needtoughlove]

I am wondering about age differences in the office and what your take is on it.

I work in a team of 9 women. 3 of us are 45 and over and the remaining women ages range from 23 to 26.

I get on well with everyone. The two older ladies take their lunches at their desks whereas the younger ladies tend to go out to lunch.

I will sometimes go out for lunch with the group. It is not a clique group and is very much open to whoever wants to go. They are all getting mortgages and settling down and we talk about all sorts. I do have children in their 20’s so sometimes feel old when I reference something they are doing but I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.

I had a meeting with one of the other older ladies and we were just chatting and it was referenced that they was an age disparity in the office. I said that I didn’t really feel it and she said “well that’s because you are always trying to be down with the kids”. I pulled her up on it straight away and she assured me that no one had said anything but from her perspective, she felt it strange that I wanted to hang out with the 20 somethings. I assured her that they were colleagues and it was just nice to get out of the office at lunch but now I wonder if I am making myself look silly.

It has me overthinking now. Are they just asking me along as they are nice people and don’t want to leave anyone out? Should I graciously bow out and take myself off for a walk.

Lunch happens during the working day. Nightclubs don’t. Lunch conversations during the working day are generally within the context of it being during the working day. Nightclubs are purely social - completely outside work hours, so way out of a work context, and behaviours tend to reflect that. I didn’t think I needed to spell this out, tbh.

Not really, I very clearly asked why the pp felt the colleague would have a point about op being "down with the kids" and it being strange op went for lunch with the younger ones if she was also going clubbing with them, I asked why that would be an issue if op was invited along.

So why would it be strange for op to go clubbing with colleagues if she was invited along, basically.

Read my answer above tour question and all my other answers, all of which spell out the difference between a personal social friendship and work-related friendliness.

You didnt need to spell it out

I think there is a type of person that can only relate to someone their own age (and sex and culture too). The young type who claims to know nothing of anything that happened before their childhood and makes a joke of it 'it was before my time!'. The older equivalent constantly references their youth and how times were different etc even when its not in context or patronises the younger ones, i suppose you wouldn't remember that! It's like they are constantly trying to not relate to the other person and they tend to be fairly narrow minded people. On the other hand there are people of all ages who are not limited in this way and can have great relationships and even friendships because they connect in other ways. Chances are you are the latter type OP and so are these colleagues, I think you'd pick up on it if not.

Then you need to spell out what you don’t understand about the difference between nightclubbing and lunch with work colleagues.

Youre coming at it from the angle of out of work friendships = not great. Clubbing = out of work friendship, so not great.

Im coming at it from the far more simpler angle of querying why would the colleague have a point if op went clubbing with them, if she was invited along

You should absolutely go to lunch. She's the one with the problem. Age really is just a number. If you enjoy each other's company what's the problem? I remember when I was much younger, I had a few older friends and one of them was always so conscious of the age gap and made it an issue. It really wasn't one, and was so unnecessary to focus on it. Now I have younger friends, being an old codger, and I hope that they aren't humouring me. I don't think so...

Pp can you just let me know if you still think the colleague would have a point even if the op was invited along to end this tedium for all, please? 😂😂😂

You dont need to comment on the dress thing, just let that die.

You are asking me to interpret a comment I didn’t even make in the way you have interpreted it, and to interpret what you said in return in the way you wanted it to be interpreted, which is not the way I interpreted it, because it is clear from the OP that she does not have the sort of friendship with her work colleagues that stretches outside the working day. You are the one trying to stretch interpretations and to what-if. I am pointing out that the relationship the OP has with her work colleagues is clearly appropriate. I have also already pointed out why, if it extended to nightclubbing, it could become potentially inappropriate, because a large group of work colleagues nightclubbing together is not the same sort of relationship at all and can be problematic.

One of my best friends is in her mid 60s and I'm in my early 40s. It's literally never been an issue.

On the flip side I used to work in an environment where most people were either my age or older and I just never thought about it. I now work in an environment where so many people are younger than me. I never started feeling shit about my age or even noticed it until I started working there.

To OP.
Totally normal. In my case, it was my first job, and I was single, and quite young, (abount 18-23) but actually used to hang out with the older women in the office.
There were a couple of young women like myself, but I have no idea what they did at lunch time, or where they went.
Instead I would go to lunch with around 3 of the older women in the office.
(We had an office canteen at that time).
I thought it was fine. I would say we became friends (though this was many years ago, and I'm not in touch with any of them now), and I learned a lot from them.
I actually think this is a good thing when work places have a range of ages in the office.

In my workplace age doesn’t exist. I’m in my forties and have my breaks with colleagues who are 18-19, we all socialise outside of work as well and regularly have Saturday nights out, there’s 18 year olds and people in their sixties there.

No, not weird at all. The colleague making the snide comment was being a bit of a bitch. You are self-aware enough to realise this, and therefore you'd also know if the women you're having lunch with didn't welcome your company.

When I worked in a big office, women of all ages would go to the pub together, or for a walk, or a jaunt to the shops. It was a lovely thing about the job, and no one thought anything of it. Enjoy.

When I started at my new job last autumn I was teamed up with two younger woman (one early 20s, one nearly 30) and I'm turning 40 this year and working with them naturally led to eating lunch with them. Our lunch table in the break room has age ranges from early 20s young woman to a grandmother and we all get on well and enjoy our breaks together. They're (the young women and one much older man, and then the older women chip in with answers from time to time) really into doing crosswords lately and do them together (I don't join in much because I do not have the vocabulary for Finnish crosswords but as soon as there's a clue describing a British town or something like that they ask me for help ). Before the crossword obsession we played cards together. They even invited me to a party, though I declined as I cannot keep up with drinking with people of that age.

In my previous job a few of us would go play frisbee golf after work sometimes, youngest was 20, oldest was in his 50s I reckon. Its very normal to socialise in mixed age groups in places that are naturally mixed age like workplaces, anyone thinking that's silly is silly themselves.

If they make you feel welcome, thats the most important thing. I've been friends with women 20+ years older than me for years. I think its great to have people from different generations socialising together. Don't overthink it and enjoy your time with your friends/colleagues.

We have all ages in our office and different people will lunch together. I also have two friends from work and we regularly go out together and are 30, 42 and 52, and we have the best time. Age shouldn't matter as long as everyone is enjoying themselves.

Having lunch with colleagues is normal, In every job ive worked in Ive had lunch with my colleagues of all ages. Age has never been a factor in whether ive enjoyed chatting to colleagues.

I don't think when under 25 I would have even considered that this person was 45 and much older than me. My age gap with colleagues has never really ceossed my mind tbh. Once someone is an adult you socialise with people of all ages/backgrounds. It's bizarre to think you can't talk to someone or enjoy their company because they are 20 years younger.

I feel like if a bunch of twenty somethings were laughing behind your back and being cliquey then you would know about it...it wouldnt be subtle!😆
They probably enjoy your company and you are just one of the 'girls'. Most people I work with are much younger then me and it is rarely an issue because we mostly just talk about work when we are there!

I used to work retail and my two co-workers were ten and twenty-five years older than me, respectively. Twenty years later we're all still best mates despite not working together for years, I think when you click with people age doesn't really matter!

No it’s her issue not yours, she is making her world smaller by behaving that way. I have friends ranging from twenties to fifties. I am similar age to you. The twenties have similar personality traits even though our lives are different but we have our jobs give us a common interest.

Yea, ok. As i said a few times, and as per the q I asked a different poster, it really was as very plain and quite simple as why would the colleague have a point if op was going clubbing with them if the op was invited along.

so again youre talking about any friendships out of work being problematic (so even just the young group going out = potentially bad). I asked the pp why op going out with them if invited would be strange (per colleagues comment)

I cant really explain it any easier than that tbh.

I was the eldest in a group of much younger colleagues. We haven't worked together for over three years, and they still invite me out for drinks and food socially. I wouldn't overthink it. If you all get on, age is just a number.

I am part of a large friendship group age ranging from early twenties, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's. The two sort of co-founders of said circle are married and there's 20 years between them. We all get along fine and it has made me realise that age is just a number for us friends and the married couple. We all have a beautiful friendship, go to festivals, garden parties, local events, throw birthday parties, and even our 18yr olds come along and have started their own little circle for teens. Even the little ones now have this massive village of people keeping them safe and they get to grow up together.

We wish we had a commune! Honestly, it's a beautiful phenomena. We are a mix of people who have been through trauma, bullying, hardships etc and when one person is down, we will help as best we can.

So, no there is nothing wrong with socialising and communicating with your colleagues. It's effective team building and bonding. It makes cohesion in the work place run a lot smoother. Your colleague sounds a little bitter and maybe she's projecting. Don't give her your energy and don't let her live rent free in your head.

A few years ago when I was about 50 I took an internet quiz to guess your gender and age. It confidently announced that I was a 28 year old male! I guess I was hanging with the colleagues and it rubbed off… I like fresh ideas and differing views. Last thing I want is people like me thinking like me all day.