Am I making myself look silly socialising with younger colleagues at lunch?

[Needtoughlove]

I am wondering about age differences in the office and what your take is on it.

I work in a team of 9 women. 3 of us are 45 and over and the remaining women ages range from 23 to 26.

I get on well with everyone. The two older ladies take their lunches at their desks whereas the younger ladies tend to go out to lunch.

I will sometimes go out for lunch with the group. It is not a clique group and is very much open to whoever wants to go. They are all getting mortgages and settling down and we talk about all sorts. I do have children in their 20’s so sometimes feel old when I reference something they are doing but I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.

I had a meeting with one of the other older ladies and we were just chatting and it was referenced that they was an age disparity in the office. I said that I didn’t really feel it and she said “well that’s because you are always trying to be down with the kids”. I pulled her up on it straight away and she assured me that no one had said anything but from her perspective, she felt it strange that I wanted to hang out with the 20 somethings. I assured her that they were colleagues and it was just nice to get out of the office at lunch but now I wonder if I am making myself look silly.

It has me overthinking now. Are they just asking me along as they are nice people and don’t want to leave anyone out? Should I graciously bow out and take myself off for a walk.

I’ve been the person in her 20s in this scenario and I’ve been the person in her 40s in this scenario. It’s absolutely fine.

Adults hang out with other adults. It’s not like school where you have to be mates with the kids your own age!

This is a very heart warming thread and makes me feel less odd about the value I attach to my friendships at work. It paints a lovely picture of friendship and connection, a counterpoint to the narrative of us all as work from home drones who only want to get our work done so we can get on with our 'real' life.

I find it’s a personality thing rather than an age thing, the younger people seem surprised if I mention feeling older and have said they don’t see me as different as we have similar outlooks.
I have also found the younger ones are less judgmental of other people in general.

I'm 51, my work bestie is 27. Another colleague who I'm very fond of is 33. We all go out to lunch together every day that we're all in the office. We also socialise together outside work. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks.

I very much agree with the pp who said that one of the joys of working in an office is being able to mix with people of different ages on a level playing field, as this opportunity is often lacking outside of work.

I’m an oldie now but I used to work in an office of mainly women, and the older women would go out to lunch and sit together and we younger women really loved it if we were asked to join them! They were really nice women too and set a great tone for the entire office. They always had a sympathetic ear for us. And we asked their advice and they enjoyed our adventures. It was a really good and enjoyable mutual exchange actually.

Op I think that that woman’s comment was more indicative of her own closed attitudes rather than being indicative of anything you have done wrong!

You sound like an intelligent person who would be sensitive to any feeling of rejection from the younger women. Keep doing what you are doing and if you have any further doubts say something casual like, “Are you sure it’s ok that I join you, I don’t want to impose on you youngsters” and try and gauge their reaction.

Honestly though, I would just carry on as before without giving it a second thought. They probably enjoy your company as much as you enjoy theirs!

When i started my first proper job at 22 my closest friend in the office was a woman in her late 40s

Its important to have relationships with people outside your age group IMO, work is the perfect place for that

We range from 25 to 55. Whilst the wide eyed bubbliness of the younger ones can be irritating at times, it's nice to have that range of experiences.

No please don’t worry at all, when I was 22 and started in an office there were a couple of women early 40’s who I really got along with and still talk to them now. I’d always turn to them for advice and really appreciated having them there!

I'm the oldest where I work by about 18 years. We all get on great. Likewise, in a hobby group I'm old enough to be most of the members' mother but am regularly invited out or added to smaller chat/meet up groups. I say keep being popular and ignore your narrow-minded colleague.

Over my whole working life i have always socialised with younger/,older colleagues, nobody ever thought it was strange. Just back then when I was a youngster the older people used to bail out earlier and go home. Now Im in the older bracket its me who bails out early 😅

Started my job mid 20s and my work buddies were 40s or 50s. Now im in my 40s and my work buddies are 20s. It's fine. Friends dont have age limits if you get on then great.

Not at all. Your older colleagues sound a bit like those girls at school who wouldn’t talk to girls in younger years.
I’m 50, I have friends from 30 - 75, through a hobby/pastime we all do. Once you're over 18 you get on with who you get on with surely? I’m not going to say sorry, I’m afraid you’re born over 12 calendar months away from me, we can never be friends…😂

No!! I think it’s one of the perks of work. I’m 35 and have 2 small kids and all my friends also have kids, mortgages etc and I love talking to the younger ones about their weekend plans, holidays, nights out they’ve had. I feel like my old self rather then talking about school applications and mortgage rate renewals.

I’m 53 my team range in age from 18 to 64 and we all get on very well and socialise both in and out of work. I think work is a great leveller and this has always been my experience from when I first graduated. My favourite colleague in my first proper job was in her 60s and I remember her with great fondness.

Some of my good friends I made at work are in their 60s and 70s now, in their 50s and 60s when we met and I was late 20s. It's great! Such a lovely mix, we'd have craft sessions and socialise and it's be women from every decade 20s up to 60s, healthy normal thing and segregated socialising doesn't help ageism in our society.

Your colleague made an unthinking unfunny joke but don't take it to heart. Enjoy your pals.

I think this sort of thing is one of the HUGE benefits of working on site not at home. My colleagues enrich my life every day, most of my non-work friends are within +/-5 years of me and it is great to have friends from a wider age range through work, my DCs have benefitted from it in their workplaces too.

Actually this thread has made me remember a colleague from when I was early 20s, she was near retirement and used to say “Life goes by in the blink of an eye, you don’t get it now but you’ll see” and I’d nod but disagree in my head. I’m 43 now and can kind of see where she was coming from!

She's either jealous, narrow minded or both.

Don't let anyone undermine you like this!

Im middle aged, have drifted from nearly all my old school friends now and my closest friends are older, my work friends are much younger. We go out drinking occasionally and it's so much fun.

I don't feel like I'm trying to relive my youth. We just get along.

One of my loveliest friends is my mum's age! We met on a volunteering project. We meet about once a month for lunch, sometimes a short walk as well, and it's ace! We have never discussed our differing ages really, she's 71, I'm 52. One of my sisters is really good friends with a girl she works with who is 25, my sister is 46. They socialise together often and are really close. Who cares! Enjoy your friendships whatever the age and ignore your colleague's comment xxx

Before I retired from my permanent post, I'd have been stuck if I'd only socialised with those my own age: I worked in a department where I was the oldest.

One of my jobs in my early 20s I worked with a woman in her early 70s. We got on well and we would meet up outside of work for coffee and things occasionally. I didn't think she was trying to be 'down with the kids' she was just a nice person and we enjoyed each others company
You don't have to love everyone you work with but I've worked in several teams and sometimes the people I get on with best are similar in age, sometimes we are generations apart. Your colleague is the one with the problem, not you

Teams can sometimes skew one way. In my old job, the team skewed young and I was one of the older ones. It would be weird if if hasn’t spent lunch with my colleagues. We were at totally different life stages though and I was their boss so I didn’t tend to go out with them of an evening.

I’m currently in a team that skews older with a lot of women with kids and was quite conscious of it when we had our last grad in as there wasn’t a ready group of 20 somethings to socialise with so I got him involved with one of the young teams so he had that in addition. He still spent lunch and got on with us though.

As they invite you some of the time, and don't invite her, I would say they want you there.
When I was a 20-something working in an office, I loved the older ladies. They were funny and interesting.

Totally agree with PPs, when I was in my first job in my 20s, chatting and socialising with older female colleagues was one of the most valuable things of all, and I have lived my working life by a lot of their wise advice (i don’t mean heavy-handed dishing out advice all the time, just things that came up). And it is good for the workplace in general for everyone to get on and accept each other and not form cliques.

TBF I suppose there are people who do do a “down with the kids” type thing because they want to look cool, but this doesn’t sound like that at all. (Even if it was, your older colleague was rude.)