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Original poster

Am I making myself look silly socialising with younger colleagues at lunch?

154 replies

Needtoughlove · 10/04/2026 07:04

I am wondering about age differences in the office and what your take is on it.

I work in a team of 9 women. 3 of us are 45 and over and the remaining women ages range from 23 to 26.

I get on well with everyone. The two older ladies take their lunches at their desks whereas the younger ladies tend to go out to lunch.

I will sometimes go out for lunch with the group. It is not a clique group and is very much open to whoever wants to go. They are all getting mortgages and settling down and we talk about all sorts. I do have children in their 20’s so sometimes feel old when I reference something they are doing but I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.

I had a meeting with one of the other older ladies and we were just chatting and it was referenced that they was an age disparity in the office. I said that I didn’t really feel it and she said “well that’s because you are always trying to be down with the kids”. I pulled her up on it straight away and she assured me that no one had said anything but from her perspective, she felt it strange that I wanted to hang out with the 20 somethings. I assured her that they were colleagues and it was just nice to get out of the office at lunch but now I wonder if I am making myself look silly.

It has me overthinking now. Are they just asking me along as they are nice people and don’t want to leave anyone out? Should I graciously bow out and take myself off for a walk.

OP posts:
Megifer · 10/04/2026 08:54

When I was that age I worked with a 60-odd year old woman and she was an absolute scream! She made me feel young if that was even possible.

i love thinking about this incident now im older - one time a colleague made a comment about hangovers "when you get to our age" and gestured around everyone including her (25 years + older than everyone else) and she pointed out she wasn't "our age", colleague said something like gosh yea I forgot. On the way back she looked a bit teary so asked if she was ok and she said it was so lovely that it had been forgot she was over twice our age in a throwaway comment between "her girls"

Ahh that memory has got me a bit teary now 🥹

So op, ignore the misery and carry on what youre doing!!! Im off out at a rave at the end of the month with colleagues who are half my age 😂

Oioiqueen · 10/04/2026 08:55

When I was in my 20's I much preferred going out with older female colleagues. They seemed to have their lives together, didn't give a toss about small things and had similar interests to me. Very fond memories of eating in nice restaurants, theatre visits and National Trust walks. Whereas people my own age felt very fake, materialistic and very unsure of themselves. Aware this is very stereotypical but we were a small company in a male orientated industry so not many females.

godmum56 · 10/04/2026 08:56

where i used to work, if I only lunched with people my same age, I'd have lunched alone every day. EVERYONE was much younger than me.

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PersephonePomegranate · 10/04/2026 08:57

I can only speak from experience, having been in the younger set and I'd say you're absolutely fine! When I was in my late 20s, some of the women were 15-25 years older than me and some of my younger colleagues. We all went out for lunch and sometimes evenings out together. One of the women I still met for a drink and catch up after work years later when we'd both moved onto to different jobs - she was older than my mum!

I think it's really healthy to have friends of all ages. It sounds like a nice, inclusive place to work!

5128gap · 10/04/2026 08:58

Your colleagues attitude is wrong on all sorts of levels. Trying to uphold age related divisions at work is really bad for team culture and perpetuates ageist stereotypes. Trying to uphold them socially creates a barrier to inter generational friendships that can be mutually beneficial.
Trust your instincts. If you feel welcome in the group and the conversation flows between equals than its all good. If you feel you're drifting into 'work mum' or great wise mushroom mode, then I'd rein that in because it can be patronising.
Next time your colleague comments I'd reply 'that's a little ageist of you Sharon'.

Skyflier · 10/04/2026 08:59

Where I work we all lunch together regardless of age. Yougest is 22, oldest 65. We all get on well together. I really don’t see the problem other than they might be jealous you go out with them.

Claudiasfringebenefits · 10/04/2026 09:01

No she’s being silly, not you

liamharha · 10/04/2026 09:01

My 25 yr d daughter has work friends who are my age ,they are really important to her like her work mum's 🤣🤣. Really it's fine if you all enjoy each others company crack on

Megifer · 10/04/2026 09:04

And when younger its always handy to have an older woman around on nights out. Not only are we fun to be around cos of all the tales we have but we take no shit at all off lecherous blokes who wont take no for an answer.

My older colleague did it for us on nights out, and the baton gets passed down 😃👊

Happyjoe · 10/04/2026 09:05

The hang up is the colleagues, not yours. You guys, no matter the age have a nice time at lunch it seems, keep doing it and forget other people's judgemental comments.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 10/04/2026 09:10

I would say she is just talking in cliches. A lot of people do because they don't have an original thought in their heads.

It's not like you go every day and are hanging on their every word and dressing like them.

What you are doing is normal.

TheWibble · 10/04/2026 09:10

Take no notice. Age is just a number, and it's good that you can find common ground with the younger women on the team. She sounds very narrow minded.
I've always been sociable with a wide range of ages at work. When I was 21, I became very good friends with a 40 year old woman through work and we're still good friends 20 years later. Now I'm in my early forties, and I always make an effort to be sociable with younger team members.

Ragamuffin8 · 10/04/2026 09:11

My best friend at work was nearly double my age, in his early 70s. I’ve never invited him to lunch out of politeness or thought he was trying to be down with the kids etc. He is awesome, we talk about work, life, politics, culture. He’s the nicest person I know. Now he’s retired, we still occasionally meet to catch up.

Life is too short to socialise with people you don’t like with, even at work.

This sounds more like an insecurity of the women that don’t go out to lunch than how your younger colleagues regard you. Ignore it.

Selttan · 10/04/2026 09:13

I was at my previous job for 10 years started when I was late 20s and the people I was closest to were 45-55 at the time. We wouldn’t just hang out at work we became great friends and had many boozy dinners, brunches, trips together. I stopped working with them years ago and I’m now in my 40s and they are in their 60s and we are still great friends.
Ive always had the best time hanging out with them often much more fun than friends my own age.

ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit · 10/04/2026 09:15

You’re all adults, and working in the same area so why would it be strange. I love chatting with the younger women in the office, I think you can learn a lot from each other.

PenPaperIdeas · 10/04/2026 09:16

The two people I consider very close friends I met through work at different jobs and they are both 15 years older than me. I don't see age as relevant to friendships, this isn't school.

We might be at different points in our lives but then Dh and I were the first to get married and have children in our friendship group. The last child born is 12 years younger than our eldest. So even friends the same age are at different points in their lives.

If you get on with people age should not matter.

daffodilandtulip · 10/04/2026 09:20

When I was younger and working in an office, I loved socialising with the older staff. I’m in my 40s now and a different role, and still keep in touch with a couple of them who are retired, meeting for walks and lunch occasionally. You don’t have to just be friends with people the same age. In fact, I think it’s healthy to have a bit of variety!

anyolddinosaur · 10/04/2026 09:22

It's just lunch. If you were dressing like them, going clubbing with them she might have a point. When I was young I had the sense to learn from my older colleagues so was quite happy to have lunch with them. Didnt think of them as being "older" just more experienced.

tiptoethrutulips · 10/04/2026 09:23

I think a lot of schools have that kind of spready in ages and once in a while, everyone goes out for a meal. I don't find it unusual, OP, and anyone who does is quite narrow minded. Sad.

MayaPinion · 10/04/2026 09:26

I have always worked in mixed age departments and it has never crossed my mind I shouldn’t go out to lunch with colleagues because of their age. That’s crazy talk. I often go for lunch with a colleague about 20 years younger than me and it has never crossed my mind, not for a second, that there’s anything off about it.

Enjoy your colleagues and your lunches, OP. It’s a great way to get different perspectives and insights, and to keep your thinking fresh and current.

latetothefisting · 10/04/2026 09:30

I now wfh but one of the best things about working in an office was chatting and being friendly with all different types and ages of people.

I feel the media has something to blame for the way people like your colleague feel - all the constant articles about how "gen z" do this and "millennials" do that and everyone hates "boomers". Its so divisive. Im sure it didnt use to be like that when I started working nearly 20 years ago - obviously some people were older than you but we didnt categorise them into neat generational brackets and make stereotypical judgements on them.

ThatLilacTiger · 10/04/2026 09:34

One of the only nice things about work is that you're able to form friendships with people you wouldn't otherwise cross paths with. Some of my favourite people in work have been significantly older than me (I'm just-about still too young to have significantly younger work friends) and their age has never really occured to me.

aredrosegrewup · 10/04/2026 09:36

Needtoughlove · 10/04/2026 07:04

I am wondering about age differences in the office and what your take is on it.

I work in a team of 9 women. 3 of us are 45 and over and the remaining women ages range from 23 to 26.

I get on well with everyone. The two older ladies take their lunches at their desks whereas the younger ladies tend to go out to lunch.

I will sometimes go out for lunch with the group. It is not a clique group and is very much open to whoever wants to go. They are all getting mortgages and settling down and we talk about all sorts. I do have children in their 20’s so sometimes feel old when I reference something they are doing but I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.

I had a meeting with one of the other older ladies and we were just chatting and it was referenced that they was an age disparity in the office. I said that I didn’t really feel it and she said “well that’s because you are always trying to be down with the kids”. I pulled her up on it straight away and she assured me that no one had said anything but from her perspective, she felt it strange that I wanted to hang out with the 20 somethings. I assured her that they were colleagues and it was just nice to get out of the office at lunch but now I wonder if I am making myself look silly.

It has me overthinking now. Are they just asking me along as they are nice people and don’t want to leave anyone out? Should I graciously bow out and take myself off for a walk.

My longest and closest friendship is with someone who is 10 years older than me. We've been friends since as I was 18 as we met at uni. It's not weird. I'm now 37.

aredrosegrewup · 10/04/2026 09:37

anyolddinosaur · 10/04/2026 09:22

It's just lunch. If you were dressing like them, going clubbing with them she might have a point. When I was young I had the sense to learn from my older colleagues so was quite happy to have lunch with them. Didnt think of them as being "older" just more experienced.

So what if she wants to go clubbing with them. And there's no age appropriate clothes by the way.

Walkaround · 10/04/2026 09:39

It is healthy to get on with work colleagues of all ages and unhealthy to see it as an “us and them” situation. Most people can comprehend the difference between meeting up for lunch with work colleagues during the working day and meeting up after work for a night out or meal at someone’s house. The former, as it is in the context of the working day, tends to facilitate safe conversations and a feeling of unity, and the latter risks all professional boundaries being broken down, as work relationships and personal relationships are a bit different. If she doesn’t understand the difference, that’s her failing, not yours.