Amusing yet slightly embarrassing things your DC have said in public.

[Yourinmyspot]

When DD was around 2 she couldn’t say clock properly. We were sat in a packed hospital waiting room with a really big clock on the wall. She piped up ‘look at that big cock on the wall’. On the same theme she was telling on of our friends that she got a frozen cock for her birthday my friend was howling.

We were on holiday in New York at the Museum of Natural History.

There was a rather large man, to be polite, and my son (about 4 years old at the time) said in his usual loud voice "Mummy! Look at that man! Why is he so fat?!"

I wished I could make myself invisible...

When we were toilet training DS we once were on a crowded tube and he sat on my knee and we wee'd on me - when we got up there was a massive wet mark on my beige trousers and he said, very loudly 'mummy, have you wet yourself' in front of whole carriage!

I got called in to see the manager of the nursery my DC went to. She thought I should know that eldest DC told everyone that I met men for money.

I went to networking meetings to build up clients for my tech company!

Sat in dr waiting room, those rolling public health info videos on the tv screen.
A ‘recommended units of alcohol’ one come on, with a prominent image of a glass of red wine.
Toddler DD points to it and loudly announces ‘look! Mummy’s JUICE!’
The lady sat opposite openly laughed at that one.
it was funny but I was a bit aggrieved since I don't like nor ever actually drink red wine.

These have me cracking up laughing, kids are great.
The following are all from DS3, he is our outlier!!
I'm pregnant, he's standing beside me at the trolley, supermarket Q is loooooong as it's Xmas "Mum, if you're going to give the baby milk from here (poking my right breast) what's in the other one orange juice?"
"So Mum tell me again what's the hole called that the baby comes out of"
To his teacher "My Mum can't collect me today cause Daddy pushed her down the stairs and she has broken legs"
First time he saw a black person "Wow look at his suntan, that's deadly"
Arrived downstairs wearing swimming shorts and tshirt on the morning of my beloved Grandads funeral, I asked him to go put on the clothes I had left on his bed, he asked why and I said cause that's what Grandad would prefer, to which he announced
"Eh Grandads dead, he doesn't care what I wear"
Same day in the church the choir were singing (badly, really badly) when someones phone rang and he piped up at the top of his voice
"That's Grandad, he says the music is shite, play this music instead" - and proceeded to run out into the aisle and start jiving while giving his rendition of Hound Dog - my grandad loved rock 'n roll and always played it when they were there, complete with singing and dancing.
"Isn't shit a bad word?"
Yes it is and we don't say that here
"Bit isn't fuck a worser word?"
Yes and we also don't use that
"Bollocks is the really worser one though isn't it?"

On a crowded train with my daughter who was around 3 or 4. Had to stand in the aisle as no seats. My daughter was about the height or my crotch at the time. She turns around to talk to me and says very loudly "Mummy, why do you smell like fish?"

If the ground could have opened up...

A perfectly polite man smiled and said hi to me as we were both looking at the shelves in Tesco. My 4 yo DS for some reason decided to shout at him “EXCUSE me she is MARRIED!”

@asco Same day in the church the choir were singing (badly, really badly) when someones phone rang and he piped up at the top of his voice
"That's Grandad, he says the music is shite, play this music instead" - and proceeded to run out into the aisle and start jiving while giving his rendition of Hound Dog - my grandad loved rock 'n roll and always played it when they were there, complete with singing and dancing.I

Reading that has genuinely just resulting in me getting looks from strangers for bursting out laughing on the train!

This just made me fully laugh out loud

That's hilarious.

I was at the supermarket till, and the teenager lad on the till had really bad acne, DD aged about 5 started pointing at his spots and asking why was his face spotty and red. This was over 20 years ago and I still remember how mortified I was.

My nephew is called Spencer, and DD always called him Spender as she couldn't differentiate from spender

DD1, in the toilets at Birmingham New St when she was 4, “Mummy… why is your bum hair not red like your hair hair?”

DS1 - at a big family BBQ when there was some tense discussions about DH’s granny potentially needing to go into a care home - “Mummy, what’s a pretentious twat?” (Which then caused me to be on edge for the rest of the day lest he ask why Uncle X was one 😂)

DD2 - at the same family BBQ to her baby doll - “Sheesh child will you just go the fuck to sleep”
(I had a non-sleeping 5 month old - she’d never slept longer than 3 hours and screamed the majority of the rest of the time until she was diagnosed at 11 months. I had said that once after two days of literally one hour sleep.)

My 3 year old saying 'look a witch!' in the park and pointing to an old lady wearing a long dark coat and a wide rim hat 😆

My youngest used to say fork n knife instead of knife and fork, cue stunned faces until they knew what she meant
Also playing with her older brother she shouted mum he just said the c word, I asked what she c word was and she replied wanKer

When my DS was 4, we all went to my parents for Christmas day. All sitting round the table, eating lunch when ds dropped a potato on the floor. As he went to get back up, he banged his head and shouted 'ow, fuck!'
My 2 brothers, both teenagers at the time found it hilarious, my dad was trying g to hard not to laugh I thought his eyes might pop out his head. My DM was not amused and me and dp didnt know where to look. Credit to him for using it in context though. 😂

Years ago in the supermarket from little girl: “my daddy’s got a tail”

When I was small, the Biafra famine (late 60’s) was talked about constantly. I worried about it.

I put my breakfast (fried egg and bacon) in an envelope, addressed it to the children of Biafra and popped it in the postbox outside our house.

It must have stunk out the other letters.

‘Kick him in the balls, Indie!’ Bellowed in a VO screening of an Indiana Jones movie in a cinema in France, by DS, aged 7.

I was out gardening with my son who was about 4 or 5
Lady neighbour who is quite manly walks past, we say hello.
Son says "was that a man or a woman?'very loudly as they walk away.
In public toilet with same son,loudly starts talking about how mummy is wearing her nappies (San pad,used to refer to them as my nappies)

Told the GP his favourite football team…Tottenham Hot Sperms.

My DS around 5 in the swimming changing cubicle “mummy look at your hairy vagina!”- wasn’t even a mispronunciation.

Once when I was younger my mum and dad were watching our neighbours' two young children and we were sitting having dinner together. My dad was growing a beard for the first time so us kids were talking about his hairy face when my neighbour's young daughter loudly announced, "my mum has black wool on her fanny".

One time I was in a toilet cubicle with my own 3 year old daughter and we heard a fart from the cubicle next door, my daughter shouted loudly in a sing-song voice, "I know you're doing a poo in there!" I tried hushing her whilst she was doing the typical toddler thing of saying, "why do I need to shush mummy? I can hear her, I know she's pooping".

Not my child, but I was once in a queue at a bus stop. The bus stop was next to a boutique, and the window dresser was in the window changing one of the mannequins. A little girl in front of me was watching this intently, and when the mannequin was completely “naked”, the little girl looked up at her mother and bellowed “MUMMY! Why has that lady (pointing at the mannequin) not got fur like you have?”

Great stories!

DS went through a stage of pointing at random men out and about or in the supermarket and shouting ‘Daddy!’ He was early on in his speech acquisition and I think it was probably a category error, ie he thought ‘Daddy’ was the word for man. Very embarrassing though when these blokes looked at me slightly panicked 😂

3yo ds in the toilet cubicle with me at a busy seafront park "Mummy, can I see where the wee comes out?". Made a refreshing change from him unbolting the door and legging it it whilst I was mid wee I suppose!