Amusing yet slightly embarrassing things your DC have said in public.

[Yourinmyspot]

When DD was around 2 she couldn’t say clock properly. We were sat in a packed hospital waiting room with a really big clock on the wall. She piped up ‘look at that big cock on the wall’. On the same theme she was telling on of our friends that she got a frozen cock for her birthday my friend was howling.

I don't have kids but a few years ago I was on a bus and there was a woman and her small child, maybe three or four years old, sitting in front of me. As the bus stopped in traffic next to a large pharmacy, the little girl pointed excitedly out of the window and shouted "MUMMY THAT WAS WHERE WE WENT TO GET THAT CREAM FOR YOUR BUM!"

Walking past the beer can aisle in a supermarket. 18 month- 2year old DS yells excitedly: "DADDY'S!!!"

My godson called himself a ‘rim creeper’ instead of a grim reaper at Halloween 😂

One of DS’s first sentences, aged two, and in the changing room at our local swimming pool was “Mummy willy gone” which caused much hilarity in the neighbouring cubicles.

My DD (now 42) went through a phase of refusing to put her knickers on when she was about 4 or 5. I needed to pop to the local shops quickly to catch the Post Office before it closed for lunch. I didn't have time to have a long discussion/argument about her putting knickers on,so let her go out without. Well you can probably guess what happened when we were standing in the Post Office queue. She announces to the entire queue 'I haven't got any knickers on!'. Cue muffled sniggers from everyone.

When DS was about two he was very interested in trucks and would excitedly point them out, unfortunately he also pronounced the tr sound as f. With DD I thought I’d wised up and referred to the vehicles in question as lorries, but between tv and her big brother it didn’t stick.
Same DS, aged 3, asked on a very crowded bus, how exactly babies came out and was it through the hole poo came out. It wasn’t an unreasonable question as his sister was due imminently, but there’s a time and place! Fortunately he was a lot older before he asked how the baby got in my tummy, and asked that at home!

Apparently when I was young, I bellowed "Mummy, when we get home, please can I have a lemon turd butty?" in the middle of a packed market.

The examples of the things kids have said at weddings reminded me of the social anthropologist Kate Fox, whose parents had explained the facts of life to her at a young age, then subsequently taken her to a wedding. At the end of the ceremony she asked in a very audible stage whisper, "is he going to put the seed in now?"

Many years ago we were standing in a queue next to an old lady with a sprinkling of grey whiskers on her chin. My toddler asked loudly ‘Mummy why is that man wearing a dress?’

My 3 yo wound down the car window and shouted 'scumbag' at someone who'd dropped litter.

🤣🤣🤣

DS 1, aged maybe 5, in an airport toilet queue asking me very loudly, insistently and persistently, why it smelled like tuna in here and who would eat a sandwich in the toilet 😳 it was hideous. I was already broken and jet lagged and could just not make him stop

I’m quite freckly. (Relevant).

I was in a shoe shop when a little girl appeared beside me. She stared intently for a moment then loudly called her mummy to “come and look at this spotty lady!”. I didn’t mind, but poor Mummy looked thunderstruck.

Good for him! 😆

Adorable. Reminds me of the old story about the arrival of a notable number of Sikh gentlemen in Glasgow in the 50s - a wee Glasgow wifie was said to have served one such chap in a shop and said goodbye using the words ‘ I hope yer heid’s better soon son”.

So funny! My daughter when she was 2-3 so recently out of nappies and wearing proper pants - we got on the train to London one day for a day out. Very crowded but I found a seat next to a man and say down with her on my lap. "Hello" she exclaimed. Man politely said hello back. Her next announcement was "I've got my Rapunzel knickers on today!" Poor man didnt know where to look.

“Mum, X wants a hotdog with a butthole sausage”

after i told dd to collect the dinner orders but after I tried to warn them off frankfurters by telling them they were made of assholes.

DS2 forgot to put his pants on before school when he was about 5. I'd put them with his uniform but he somehow forgot. No one would have noticed but it was PE day so he pulled took his trousers off in class to get changed and his classmates had a bit of a giggle. Luckily he thought it was funny and wasn't upset!:

DD4 is still prone to the odd (epic) tantrum in which she disowns me. Which is bearable at home, but when she has a tantrum in a posh department store and I have to carry her out kicking and screaming "I'M NOT YOUR DAUGHTER, it's tricky to get past the security guard...

Same DD, different shop: "Look, mummy! Giant cherry tomatoes!" A fellow shopper giggled as I pointed out that those are just... tomatoes.

My DS4 yesterday on the front garden hunting for bugs when my very elderly lady walked past to her front door:

'Theres a caterpillar... and some ants... and ladybird... and there's a grandma...'

At pre school one of the assistants asked me “what route” my DH was on. Slightly baffled by what she meant. Then she explained her DH was a bus driver too. Emerged dd1 had upgraded DH from getting the bus to work to telling everyone that he was actually driving it.

My daughter also said dick for stick.

When we went for walks in the park she often picked up sticks and carried them about, sometimes passing them on to us to carry for her. On one memorable occasion she announced to a passer-by “I got a dick. My Daddy got a big dick”.

I can’t remember exactly how old she was but definitely under two, because we moved away from that area a couple of months before her 2nd birthday.

My pre-schooler was the same. When I did a wee, I got a round of applause and shouts of "WELL DONE MUMMY!"

We were in a small hospital waiting room with DS1 who was about 5 and a very good reader. He looked at the poster on the wall and said “Daddy, what’s impotent?” DH replied “ it says important“ Thankfully I was called in by the nurse but we could hear DS1 saying “no Daddy, it says impotent, there’s no R, it’s impotent” me and the nurse were dying of laughter.

When DS2 was about 2 he was in the trolley seat in Tesco holding his Tinky Winky Tellytubby. A young man brushed passed him and DS2 said at the top of his voice “Mummy, that man touched my Tinky Winky” the poor bloke looked horrified.

Last weekend we were at the farm with DGS(2) who talks really well. He wanted a drink from DH’s water bottle, but it had squash in it which he doesn’t normally have. It went down the wrong way so he was coughing and spluttering and his little eyes were watering then he said “Papa! That’s an adult drink! X (he said his name) can’t have adult drinks!”

Expanding to cases where it wasn't my own dc.

About twenty years ago I was at a friend's wedding. He and his bride to be lived together and already had a 3 year old son. Their son was being looked after by the brides mother.

The bride arrives, the minister starts the ceremony, it was progressing as normal until from where the bride's family was sittinga small voice called out "why is she marrying him?"

Cue an entire church, including the vicar, bursting into laughter.