Amusing yet slightly embarrassing things your DC have said in public.

[Yourinmyspot]

When DD was around 2 she couldn’t say clock properly. We were sat in a packed hospital waiting room with a really big clock on the wall. She piped up ‘look at that big cock on the wall’. On the same theme she was telling on of our friends that she got a frozen cock for her birthday my friend was howling.

One of our directors had one arm and DS2 (about six) asked him what happened to the other one. He said he left it on the bus.

DS1, fourish, took on board, we thought, the whole thing about Mummy having two sets of parents, birth and adopted, because we were in touch with both sets. But he would always wait until we were on a crowded bus or train before asking at the top of his voice, “Mummy, WHY were you adopted?”

In a pool changing room “Daddy why don’t your pants have a bum?” They did, they just weren’t long boxers!

In a toilet cubicle (cubicles seem to be the theme) “NO, NO you’re not my Papa” after asking her to hold something for Papa, I’m usually Dad, but Papa is the word used where we live.

Our son when he was really little went through a phase of screaming “mums dead” when anyone asked where his mum was.

On holiday in Scotland, having a lovely dinner and the waitress comes over and asks if we are enjoying our food. 4 year old opens his mouth and says ‘ No I’m not, this food is disgusting! ’. We were absolutely mortified. Luckily she laughed. We made him apologise to the waitress on the way out and gave a hefty tip. 🤦🏻‍♀️

A few years ago I was with my DGD (aged about 3 years old at the time) on the high street one Saturday morning. Bumped into a man I hadn't seen for a while who was rather portly - particularly in the stomach area.

As I said "Hello, how are you?" DGD piped up "he's got a very fat tummy Granny!" I said nothing and refused to blush because she was spot on....

The bloke, to give him his due, smiled and said "out of the mouths of babes..."

We had the stick/dick issue. On the way to nursery he found a stick, got to nursery and said to his nursery teacher “look at my big dick, you can play with it if you want”
Took him to the toilet with me in M&S once and he said nice and loud “it’s sad you haven’t grown your willy yet mummy but one day you will and then you can wee standing up like me”

My granny’s funeral. We had to take my 5 year old nephew as we’d just moved to the area and didn’t know anyone as everyone was at the funeral. Standing around the grave and the coffin has just been lowered into the ground, everyone quiet and somber, my nephew asks at the top of his lungs ‘can we go to McDonald’s now’ 😂😂

Eldest dc to me in a car park while an elderly gentleman walked (close) past "does that man have a willy?" We'd just had a conversation about male/ female anatomy...

Youngest dc was with me when I had to change a tampon in a toilet cubicle. Loud and clear 'why are you putting a sweetie up your bot?'

look at that man, look at that man, he looked like a hells angel in biker gear and covered in tattoos and didn't look exactly friendly. He might have been a pussy cat but I didn't want to find out.

Post divorce and had just dipped my toe into the dating pool, when my 5yo dd announced at a family engagement party: “Mummy had a man in the house”. You could have heard a pin drop. Then- “And daddy told him to go away”.
Dd (now adult) and I regularly dine out on it.

My younger sister age about 7 found some of my mums sanitary towels and asked what they were for. My mum told her that they were for mopping up blood if you cut yourself. She must have mentioned it to someone who knew what they were really for. One afternoon when we had my grandparents and aunties round for a family lunch, my sister marched in and loudly declared that mum had lied about what the pads were for and that they were for when women had blood coming out of their willy 😖 cue silence, very stony silence 🤣🤣

Oh god, loads!

DS1 told his teacher that if he didn’t eat all his packed lunch then mummy would be cross and he had to eat it when he came home. I gave him the apple and the wrapped cake bar to eat, not the fucking manky half eaten sandwich. Not sure if she believed me.

DS2 when dropping him at school breakfast club, small enclosed reception waiting area kindly introduced me to Zach. “Zack’s legs don’t work properly mummy so he walks like this sometimes” and proceeded to do a demo. Zach has cerebral palsy. DS wasn’t being malicious at all and was just describing his friend but jeez!

Also DS1 on the bus, “mummy, mummy, mummy, what’s that smell. There’s a horrible smell, I can smell something. Mummy why does that man smell funny? Why are you shushing me mummy? I just want to know what I can smell. Mummy stop ignoring me, why does that man smell funny?” He must have said mummy about 20times so I couldn’t even pretend I wasn’t responsible for the little shit!

In the swimming pool changing cubicle, DD3 said loudly in a tone of absolute horror 'oh, no no no I don't want to see a naked mummy'!

DD used to love the crunching sound of the autumn leaves under foot. She would stomp through them, saying "cunts cunts cunts"!

My son used to mispronounce playdough as “pedo.” And shout it at the top of his voice when he saw it for sale. “PEDO!” “PEEDO!”

When my eldest was 3, in the exact moment the tube carriage's doors shut when it's quiet for once, they very loudly exclaimed out of nowhere in a very prim voice 'Mummy, "shit" is not a very nice word' - they had literally never given any sign of having heard the word before.

I just cracked up and said 'You do know how to show your parents up!' and a few other people nearby in the carriage were laughing their heads off too.

I love these 😂

When DS was little, he was obsessed with blueberries but he pronounced them “boooobies”

He would be sat in the supermarket trolley roaring “boobies! Can I have boobies?!” at the top of his voice.

A (recently post-partum with her 2nd) friend of mine was relieved each Saturday when her DH regularly took her eldest dc of about 3 out to the town centre for the morning, where they would go to the supermarket and the library.

Some months later, she was driving her dc around town and her dd yelled, pointing, "Look Mummy - libree, libree!!" She was pointing at the pub.😂

This sounds like it would be good for stress relief. Might try it when I have a bad day at work.

How does she feel about frosty frozen grass. My dd loves walking on for the crunch.

One day I was at a friend's house and my lot had been pushing their luck and to be honest,I was getting a bit fed up and was counting the minutes to bedtime

As we where leaving,I muttered under my breath something like 'I swear they are all rejects from the condom factory'

My friend laughed and we headed home via the post office-thinking that only my friend had heard me

Of course there was a bloody long queue so we tacked onto the end of it

Wed just got to the front when ds1 shouts 'MUUUUM!ARE WE REALLY REJECTS FROM THE CONDOM FACTORY?'

The lady behind the counter couldn't look me in the eye and I kept hearing sniggers from the long queue behind me

Same kid a few months later

We where in another long queue at the co-op

Big gob-'MUUM!I KNOW HOW BABIES GET UP THERE BUT HOW DO THEY GET OUT?'
Me-'let me sort out the shopping and ill tell you on the way home'
Big gob-'BUT MUUUM!I NEED TO KNOW NOW!'

Every single person in that queue couldn't look me in the eye and you could feel the 'thank god I dont have to answer that question' radiating from every single one of them-incuding his school teacher who was just behind me

I didnt mind the question but there is a time and a place for it

Ds3 once refused to wear his coat on a really cold day-snow on the ground type of weather

I didnt have the energy to argue so rolled it up and shoved it under dds buggy while wearing my really thick coat and stepping out of the front door (knowing he'd soon change his mind)

Little sod waited until we saw the lovely after school leader in the street (a few yards from our front door) before telling her 'im ever so cold,I dont have a coat,my mummy cant afford one'

She'd gone by the time I dug his coat,scarf and gloves out and pushed him into them

Im amazed I didnt have ss on my doorstep

Our local supermarket has mini trolleys for kids. An elderly lady came up to my daughter (3) when she was pushing one and said ‘oh are you helping mummy shop?’
Daughter: ‘yes, because mummy has a HERNIA.’

We had similar with my DD when she was 2 and couldn't say crocs properly. She often used to take her shoe/croc off and put it on her head and sing a made up song about having a cock on her head!

We also recently we're at the supermarket when she needed a wee. Walking into the toilets a lady with short hair was in front of us. My DD asked why we were going into the men's toilets. I said we wasn't it was the ladies. And she then very loudly asked why 'that man' had just walked into the ladies toilets whilst pointing at this poor lady. Awkward!

When DD was about three and had taken a great interest in me in the shower she loudly announced to the nursery staff and various waiting parents at drop off the next day that 'Mummy has hair on her privates'.

On another occasion when she was about 5 we had been hosting a couple of teenagers on a cultural exchange from Kenya. We live in a very ethnically homogenous part of the country and a couple of weeks later we were out in town and saw a black man. My daughter pointed at him and said 'Mummy! Look! He is from Africa!'

The horror.

Oh, and my friend's DS saw his dad's penis somehow, obviously saw that it was significantly larger than his own, and loudly announced that 'Daddy has a massive willy!' the next day. That was a highlight.

Ha! Ditto with my niece, who was about 4 or 5 and spotted the attendant at the boating lake in the local park. She, however, didn’t wait till he was more than about a foot away from us before proceeding to inform everyone at top volume 'LOOK AT THAT TINY MAN! TINY, TINY MAN! Why is he so TINY?'

She’s soon to turn 26 and doesn’t remember this incident but funnily enough, I do.