Baby’s dad denying paternity then unblocking me, invite him to birth?

[Userunknownx]

Hi everyone..

i am currently 26 weeks pregnant with a little girl who i am SO excited for. I have everything bought, all clothes ready and washed and her rooms all decorated waiting.

Her dad has not been involved at all in this pregnancy, he’s even denied to people that she’s his baby. Due to this I’ve actually offered to pay for a pregnancy DNA and he has denied. He has no reason not to believe she’s not his baby, I’ve offered countless DNA tests & haven’t been with anyone else so not sure what else I can do?

I Am not worried about doing it alone I know im already a great mother and feel so blessed to have another child. I live on my own have a job a 5 year old.

I genuinely do just leave him to it as he’s always made it clear how he feels. I am not one to say either “he’s not seeing the baby”. I just focus on my own life and children so it’s not like I’m contacting him etc.

im not going to put him on child maintenance as i can do it alone and feel like he’s made it clear how he wants his role to be in our daughters life. At first I was like CMS will do. DNA and prove she’s you’re baby as I was so angry that he was telling people she wasn’t and making out I’d slept around.

The past few weeks he’s been unblocking me on social media and very clearly must be looking at things I post (a lot of it is around baby). Why would he be doing this?

I wanted to text him sooner to the time and let him know he’s welcome to be at the birth but if he didn’t want to be that would also be okay. I just don’t want it to feel like I’m withholding information or preventing anything now that he’s unblocked me.

I just don’t understand the constant blocking & unblocking lately & looking at my stuff when he’s had me blocked completely from the start.

His family also message one minute all in to be involved then ignore me for weeks/months at a time. Anytime I try contact them regarding scan invites etc I get a thumbs up or a yes and then they never come. I’ve decided I’m going to stop trying for my own sanity with his family as I know I’ve given every opportunity for them to be involved (as they’ve asked) it’s their first grandchild/child and I just don’t know what’s going on I feel confused at the minute and need advice would you have him in the labour room?

Do dads ever change their mind as pregnancy progresses or baby’s here? I feel like it hasn’t bothered me up until now I notice I’m being unblocked and we’ve exchanged a few texts but whenever I mention baby it’s like he doesn’t have much to say. Do I block him and protect my peace I have no one to talk to this about? Thankyou in advance x

If he is on the birth certificate it means he has parental rights, including vetoing a school the OP might want or preventing her form travelling abroad on a holiday without his written permission. Many abusive pricks use it as a means by which to control and abuse women.

In a previous role I had supporting families we always told women to not put the father on the birth certificate if they had in any way behaved like this. If he cares he can go to court and apply to be on it later.

Why would you want someone at the birth when you’re so vulnerable who is horrible. It’s not a spectator event, he won’t be helpful to you or the baby. I also don’t know why you haven’t blocked him rather than allow this childish back and forth he’s doing and of course you should do cms, It’s money for your child that will help her, Unless you’re absolutely loaded and it won’t make a difference. Or if you’re not putting him on the birth certificate and you’re giving him no parental rights then i suppose that’s different but it sounds like you will be letting him be around the baby as soon as he wants to be

@Userunknownx please don't have him at the birth!
What if the first words in baby's life is him saying 'Nah, she doesn't look like me, told you, not mine.' or something like that. Keep reminding yourself, he would go to the birth to prove she's NOT his. Not to support you.

Don't have him on the birth certificate.
Block his family.
Change his name in your phone to 'Dickhead' or 'Knob'
CMS for baby and I believe he has to pay for DNA test is he challenges. Even £20 a week would be roughly £20,000 by 18 years. Not to be sniffed at.

I hope it all goes well for you x

I'm always very wary of these. I know someone who took primary aged DC only to be told news no one wants to hear. No matter how pretty the surroundings, it's still medical.
Is DC1's DF a large presence in your lives? Whilst I absolutely wouldn't have this ex at scans or the birth, wouldn't give his name (you won't be able to put him on the BC if he isn't present), I would hate it if one DC had an active NCP and another didn't.
I wouldn't block him and would have strict boundaries, but admit I would be more encouraging if DC1 had an active NCP.

Why are you bending over backwards to accommodate this man and his family? He's awful. He's a dick.

Treat him like the arsehole he is, claim the CMS and put it in a savings account. And maybe look at your self-esteem.

My advice would be:

• Absolutely no way invite him to the birth. You want someone there who’ll support you, that isn’t him. And you don’t want him seeing you at your most vulnerable.

• Dont block him, or anyone else, it’s childish. Also he might want to get in touch over the baby and paying his way. If he starts to be unreasonable about this further down the line block him then.

• Go through CMS and get what you’re due. Like others said, it’s for the baby not you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and good luck with the baby 💐

You're about to be the most vulnerable you've ever been in your life, bar first childbirth, in the room giving birth. Why would you want him there? What would he add to that experience for you?
Until the baby is here, you don't need to engage with him as the baby isn't here yet.
He sounds like a nutcase, I'm not sure I'd even want him around after.

If he's not seeing anyone new by the time you give birth then he'll probably try to get you to let him be there.
If the baby is conventionally beautiful he'll probably want to see her for photos for the 'gram' or to wheel her about in the hope other women will want to chat to him ( exhusband was a big fan of this pick up method. Sometimes he even went as far as to pretend I'd died during the birth and he was doing it all on his own).
If she's cute ( and easy/ well behaved) he'll want to take her out. If she isn't particularly cute, or hits the terrible twos with a vengeance, you won't see him for dust.
He'll reappear when she's 7ish and he can take her out for the day. You will have done thousands of hours alone by then.

I think you had the right idea to start with. Definitely do not have him at the birth. He sounds awful. The further away from you the better!!

No

No. And you get him to pay child maintenance. Doesn’t matter if you can do it alone - he should be held accountable at least financially for the child he helped to create.

I wouldnt spend any more time on him but I am going to sound harsh here - is this a second child with a different unreliable man?

what? This is mental... dude rejects you and your / his unborn child and you think him unblocking you is a positive.
Posting stuff about your kids on social media is, in my opinion, really bad parenting.

do you have a birthing partner op? a friend or relative to be with you on the day to rub your back or wipe your face or just change your playlist for you when you cant reach your phone?

You need to feel safe, supported and comfortable while you give birth - will having this prick in the room help with that?

Stop trying to make him or his family care. Stop posting your life/baby on social media - send photos to your own family and friends on whatsapp.

Give your baby your surname.
Leave him off the birth certificate (he can put himself on there later if he can be bothered)
Get your baby the money she's entitled to.

He has made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with the child, so leave him to it.. As far as child support, he has an obligation whether or not you can afford to do without it or not. CMS will chase him, & if he still refuses their request for a dna test, they will just presume he is the father and take payements direct from his salary. You are well shut of him, what a belled, he can't have all the fun then stick two fingers up when he doesn't like the consequence.

I just don’t understand the constant blocking & unblocking lately & looking at my stuff when he’s had me blocked completely from the start.

He probably wants to check to see if you are badmouthing him or banging on about 'deadbeat dads' on your feed.

Anytime I try contact them regarding scan invites etc I get a thumbs up or a yes and then they never come.

I would leave them out of it. No point in trying to involve his family when he himself is in denial. Also I don't know why you'd be wanting them at scans anyway. They are usually just for the parents. You could take your own mum, or a friend or a sister if you really wanted support, but it's a bit OTT to be inviting them when he hasn't even accepted responsibility or the baby.

How old is this man and how long were you together?

Please stop doing this.
You are going to make yourself look like a fool.

He’s constantly blocking you and unblocking you because he wants to fuck with your head and play childish games.

He does not exist.
Do not reach out to him or anyone else.
If they reach out to you then that’s your decision to make and you can decide if and when that happens.

You need to focus on yourself and kids.
He is only going to make your life harder.
You are pregnant about to become a single mother for the second time, you have enough on your plate to be chasing after some twat who’s carrying on with his life as normal.

@Userunknownx he's curious. He wants to know about the life he KNOWS he created but doesn't want the baby momma or the responsibility that come with it.

Ignore him and his family. Don't let them affect your life in any way.

But DO claim CMS because that money is your child's by right.

Remember - baby daddy is fertile 100% of the time but you were only fertile (or your egg was only viable) for 24 hours per month/cycle. He can blame you for the pregnancy all he wants but HE was the cause not you and now he's too much of a coward to step up. He is weak, pathetic and selfish to his bones.

You don't need to indulge that.

And no. He shouldn't be at the birth. That is a privilege involved parents should get.

Don't give baby his last name or put him on birth cert either.

This coward knows you are a good person and he got you pregnant but is happy to ignore his child and let others believe you were sleeping around. You owe him NOTHING.

This is a guy who's pretty much told everyone you were sleeping around... and now he's blocking and unblocking you like a teenager... 😒

This is clearly a lovely and magical time for you, but trying to get him to play along will only spoil it. Your hormones may be drawing you to a fantasy of a little family unit, but he has no part in this, he's just checking on you to find ways to protect himself.

(And frankly, his family will be much more likely to make trouble for you than to help... they've raised this prince, they will be on his side against you...).

Focus on You now. Enjoy being the great, independent and fierce Mum that you want to be!

People like him shouldn't have pets let alone kids.
Concentrate on you, your young child and your pregnancy. Being a single parent isn't a walk in the park but it's do-able, plenty of us have done it.

I'm so sorry, I'd fuck him off immediately, he is selfish and immature. One day your child will ask you about her Dad, imagine this scenario. What would you like to say?

If my son had a pregnant ex I would be there for her and the baby no matter what! I would tell him I won’t turn my back on a vulnerable pregnant woman nor the baby even if he has!

His family are looking on your social media just for the drama but they won’t suddenly become family you can rely on nor trust to have your baby’s best interest at heart.

Blocking someone is incredibly immature. Just move on with your life and have the bare minimum to do with him. I would set up a savings account for child support - of course he should pay it. Life is too short for all the drama. I hope your child won't be like her father.

But he should have/take parental responsibility. he made this baby too. He should pay 50% of all costs raising her, and a lot more than that if he does none of the parenting. Men get away with rejecting their offspring all the time in this country. I think it is a real moral and legal disgrace.