How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

But why should they have to tell people this? nobody is owed this information.

When my mum died , I inherited a small amount. I made the mistake of telling people and had work colleagues dropping horrible hints about could I lend them money since I was so "lucky" to have inherited. In the midst of my grief about losing my mum it was a horrible thing to have to deal with and if I inherit anything again I wont tell a single soul about it for this exact reason. People can be vile when it comes to money.

@AfternoonRitual I was answering a post about a lack of understanding. Of course you don’t have to tell but people don’t understand things they don’t know about…

I think anyone who receives an inheritance is lucky because it’s not a given whereas death is.

But why do they need to be open?

I didn't receive so much as a bean as a house deposit or inheritance from my parents but it has never occurred to me to ask how my friends and colleagues and family bought their houses.

If anyone tells me I listen but it would never occur to me to ask.

Even if they are "lucky" it's a really nasty thing to say to someone when they are grieving. What kind of response are people wanting from that? the grieving person to tell them how lucky and great their life is?

By this rationale, anyone on this website is "lucky" considering that there are people in the world who dont have access to clean water or food so therefore noone on Mumsnet can moan about anything as they are also "lucky"

Hi @AQuestionAlways - this is so awkward and I feel for you. Can't say it's really happened to me.
but I think I would just go a bit glazed and say "ermmm not really sure ... " and gaze off into the distance.
then I wouldn't answer anything else. It's absolutely no one's business x

"Sold a kidney".

Feet pics and benefit fraud.

Laugh, shrug and change the subject?

It's a bit weird if they push it and actually want you to break down how you pay for things. I wonder what kind of answer they are expecting other than "with money".

I can't relate to someone asking this as I just find it intrusive and also completely uninteresting.

no answer, it’s none of their business

You can befuddle these types nicely with "When do you need to know by?".

Alternatively, get a really good rumour going - you won a million at poker or you do, say, songwriting uncredited for really big stars. When a Taylor Swift song comes on the radio, say casually that this is one of yours. (I used to know someone who was a ghostwriter of celebrity books - would tell the truth and people wouldn't believe it).

I treat such questions as rhetorical.
smile, shrug, change subject.

“I put myself through uni playing piano in a brothel, and invested the tips in Bitcoin before it was a thing.”

I must admit, I occasionally come at this from the opposite end. I don’t wonder how people afford things, I wonder why it’s important to them to spend £££ on beauty treatments, multiple designer handbags, new car every 3 years, multiple foreign holidays.

Which is another way of saying - those things are not important to me. Foreign holiday - nice, but now and again is fine for me. New car - also nice, but doesn’t need to be as frequent as every 3 years. I replace the car when it becomes unreliable. Beauty treatments….. HOW MUCH!!!

We all have different priorities. As well as different levels of income, and calls on that income. The more space there is between your income and the absolutely essential expenditure (if you have children you have to house, clothe and feed them) - the more opportunity you have to decide what you prioritise for the rest.

If you prioritise saving for many years, rather than the new car, handbag, beauty treatments etc, you reach a point when you can decide to spend more and still be secure.

Yes why is it so amazing that some of folk have money saved up?

A conveyancer (who I suspect disliked me) once asked me how I was going to pay the deposit on a house purchase. I replied "by drawing the money out of the bank". After that It was pretty clear he disliked me.😉

I once had a boss who, when asked an awkward question; used to say "well if I told you I'd have to kill you"

Omg tell them that is a niche market for used underwear! 🤢
You wear the same pair for a few days, then the online bidding is on fire!
😆 🩲🔥
@AQuestionAlways

I have used this too.

They don't want to hear it trust me. Strangely it's not rude for friends to ask how I afford my holidays but it is rude for me to tell them it's because they chose to have three DC instead of one. Go figure.

I agree. By the same token, should those who had no help be vocal about how they look down on those that did?

If someone's happy it doesn't matter how they got there unless they make silly comments about hard work when they've haven't done any

I got fed up of my SIL asking how we could afford things (nothing exotic!) and making sarcastic comments about us spending money, so I said We've got silk curtains on the windows and no sheets on the beds.
That shut her up for a while.

DH and I used to work in Local Govt.

A question like that, when we replaced a car or DH bought me some jewellery, would get answered with -

We get free parking everywhere - including parking illegally on double yellows without a ticket.
We get free food/drinks while at work.
We only pay £50 council tax (essentially, an admin fee).
We get free dry-cleaning and laundry service.

after that, you need to be a bit more imaginative...

We get a 20% discount on our gas, electric, internet and phone bill.
We have a "special" card which gives us 20% off our grocery shopping.
We have another "special" card which gives us 20% off our petrol.
Our mortgate rate is discounted to the base rate and we have a free £10k overdraft each.
We automatically get a free upgrade to 1st class on all flights and 50% off big hotel chains when we travel.

The more shit they swallow, the more crap you feed them.

😉

Oh, and for those thinking of switching profession, none of the above is true (unfortunately) but you probably will get verbal and physical abuse every day.

Just answer, ‘I’m very good with money’.

Because we work and save.

Simple.

Either that, or, "It's none of your business".

Whichever!

I think some of these people do it deliberately in the hope that they might just 'strike it lucky' as they would see it.

When they ask how you could afford something expensive, if the response is that you saved up for it, got a loan or made some other kind of smallish budget priority adjustment, they don't really care; but they're desperately hoping that you'll hush your voice and whisper "Well, actually we just won a very large amount on the lottery" - which they then eagerly start thinking about how they can tap you for 'their share', as you're now absolutely loaded.

Unfortunately, many will hear "I had an inheritance" and see that as essentially the same thing. They don't actually think or care about the fact that it will have come with a lot of grief - as they aren't sad, because it isn't their beloved family member who has died. They also don't stop to think that an inheritance may not actually be a great deal of money - they'll assume an absolute minimum of mid 6-figures.

Mind, even 'winning the lottery' can be a tenner or maybe enough for a bit of a nice treat but hardly anything life-changing. The vast majority of lottery winners do only get a very small amount - that's precisely how a lottery works.

They genuinely believe that you'd never tell a soul about having come into a great deal of money, but if they ask the right questions and manage to 'unlock' the info from you, that somehow earns them a huge chunk of it, even if they're just a neighbour or work colleague or whatever.

You have to watch that TV show super scrimpers or something and say you do something like that, the awkwardness should prevent the question again.