How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

What they don’t like to hear, is that you are good with money and have made a series of carefully thought out decisions over lots of years and are now benefitting from that. They don’t like it, because they could have done the same….but didn’t

YES. I have had this experience too and when Ive told people this when theyve asked they almost dont believe it - as if they cant possibly imagine someone saving or delaying their gratification. They seem to think you've secretly won the lottery or there must be some money secret you are hiding from them when the reality is actually quite boring and unremarkable and something they could have done themselves but chose not to.

I’d be inclined to say ‘are you asking for advice, or out of nosiness?’

"By working hard and careful budgeting " is all you need to say. It's really none of their business.

Fruit? That's were I'm going wrong....
If in doubt I shall blame the tangerines!
😆 🍊 🤣

Agree with PPs that people can't get their heads around the idea of saving for things or prioritising spending.

When I was in my 20s I travelled a lot - I'd scrimp and save on a minimum wage job, then go off, backpacker style, for months on end. Found out people were assuming I had a trust fund - they couldn't believe I was saving (and living independently from parents).

I've spent my adult life living away from where I grew up, and my accent seems to make peopke assume I'm rich. Currently jobhunting, yet the other day someone where I volunteer was explaining how hard it is to live on "just above minimum wage". Had to bite my tongue as I am living on considerably less right now!

We go abroad once sometimes twice every year and we get "you've got some money haven't you"
What they don't know is that we both save a set amount from our salaries specifically for holidays and that we don't go for the most expensive holiday, as long as we have a clean room and good food, we are happy
Our children are grown up so we have a lot more disposable income which gets saved

I've had people ask me this before and I just say "we all have different spending priorities, I work hard and save hard so I can go on nice holidays". then they probably start reflecting on the shite that they spend their money on on a daily basis. the one who is most guilty of asking is the one who will taker her kids on two paid for activities PER DAY during weekends and school holidays. we do one about once a month. just different priorities!

MIL can't get her head around 'why do you have such nice things'.
The answer for us, is buy once after a lot of research. Luggage is a good example.
DH & I have my rucksack from 1994, expensive then but still on the go. Along with a good make couple of kit bags. They do everything from festivals to posh weddings in hotels.
The PIL buy a new set of matching luggage, each, at least every decade. It's important to them that they rock up with it looking clean, modern, new, matching. But it's inevitably cheap because it's six suitcases plus two carry on bags, the popular size gets battered, the others are pristine and then they buy more. It also quickly looks dated because PIL loves the latest look.
The whole purchase history is carefully stored in protective bags in the attic for some future house clearance.

I think a good answer is ‘I suppose it’s just how we choose to spend our money - we all make different choices don’t we’

This implicitly makes the point that they’ve chosen to spend money on things at different points.

Although if you have had some good luck in terms of a gifted house deposit when young or inheritance etc, although you obviously don’t have to mention this stuff, being a bit sanctimonious about doing well doesn’t usually go down well or help anyone.

So depends if you want to be honest, find a put-down or simply avoid the Q. All can be valid and are personal choices.

You look them in the eye and say "Only fans/drug dealer/human trafficking".

The laugh and say "just joking" and wink. They won't ask again.

“We just love holidays, we prioritise those over other things” and leave it at that

Ive had this a lot recently. I answer honestly, well, as you know I only do work that pays double rate in a job thats well paid anyway, I get high amounts of child maintenance, I do things on the cheap, and I have credit cards....
I think right now it's tough for a lot of people as things are so expensive.

"Feet pics"

I get what you mean. I don't understand how people have so little understanding of differing salaries, inheritances, savings etc.

Within the team of 10 I work, salaries range between 30k to 500k. And then some of them have inherited wealth too.

Of course some of those people are going to be able to afford things that I can't.

Clouseau explaining mysterious millions in his bank account:

”Mah wife… is very careful with the ‘ousekeeping.”

Do you do cheesecake squashing videos?

Asking for a friend.

@AQuestionAlways and @Zov I have no idea why acquaintances think they're entitled to know anything about others financial affairs.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive

it seems passive aggressive because it is. You’re implying they don’t do those things. Presumably they do. Can’t you just laugh and say we’re really lucky, or we saved for a while.
people are just asking because they can’t afford it, and either want tips or they’re just speaking in shock and awe. Perhaps they’re wondering where their money is going, likely they’ve not had some of the same lucky breaks as you. It’s not a comment on you.

My sister is always getting things done to the house, going on holiday, having nights out.

They have better jobs than us. Simple as that. Mum & Dad have given her plenty of money, as well, which helped set them up.

So, I do wonder. But, that’s the reason, really. Maybe they’ve borrowed from the bank, too. We don’t have much, but no debt.

Shh... don't tell anyone, I deal drugs.

The answer is usually

No kids
We are boomers
Inheritance

Tbh most people should be able to work out the first two

I can't believe people are so rude! I would probably say none of your business, but the OnlyFans answer is superb and guaranteed to shut them up.

But people are often very cagey about family wealth/inheritance. A lot will omit the help they had. I and most of my friends only got on the ladder because of family help, I worked hard & saved but the cash gift had the biggest impact. I am very open about it.

Not having kids is how we've done it. Kids cost a FORTUNE.

I agree it’s rude to ask, but isn’t it normal to wonder?
I have a friend who works at the same place as me, and her husband works in a similar position to my dh, so we can’t be on vastly dissimilar income. They don’t have other jobs, and their house cost around £300k more than ours and they go on big expensive holidays twice a year, whereas we struggle to afford one small holiday. I would wonder how they afforded it too, it’s not because they work harder or are better with their money, it’s because their parents gave them a huge house deposit so their mortgage is half the size of ours despite having a bigger and more expensive house. They also had help with things that dh and I had to pay for ourselves, like driving lessons and first cars, so they were already working on their savings and investments before we could get going. If I didn’t know that I would wonder!