Page 13 | Husband just walked in after stag weekend

oxfordpower · 2026-03-08T15:00:28+00:00

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware. Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch! He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now. He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain. He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

Whoinvented · 08/03/2026 20:49

Poor husband I feel sorry for him - that’s nuts behaviour OP

Whoinvented · 08/03/2026 20:51

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 16:14

Thanks. I feel like lots of people have just skim read the OP and not the whole thread. My fault guess for drip feed.

i don’t think the weekend was overkill. It went like this:
Friday- school pick up 3pm
swimming
macdonalds

Saturday - play date in the park
followed by nature walk
home for toys play / cartoons all afternoon
movie night with pizza

Sunday morning party
baking

my DC are crazy energetic types so being sat around all day doesn’t work

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How do you think single parents cope?! Im
nor one but my husband works away and I don’t cry and get mad… pull your big girl pants on and crack on!!! Seems
a a bit pathetic

HortiGal · 08/03/2026 20:54

So you took them
swimming on Friday, a walk on Saturday am, at home the rest of day, party Sunday am, hardly rigorous, personally don’t understand couples who need two ppl to manage every day things with their kids.
Also, OP go away more yourself.

WonderingWhatWillHappen · 08/03/2026 21:10

So you have possibly been a little unreasonable in this situation BUT it comes from a place of feeling like the shares in 'fun adults friend time' are a bit unbalanced?

I think that's a valid feeling and one that can be addressed by you both. Explain your feelings, that there's maybe been some buried resentment in there somewhere that has caused you to be annoyed about a couple of hours one Sunday morning. Figure out what you intend to do about it. A weekend away with your mates, or a regular activity during the week just for you?

If you feel like a team, like you share the load and you're in it together, there is a lot less space for resentment and bitterness. It sounds cheesy but I take joy in my husband having time with his friends, because I feel like he needs it and it does him good. And that I get my own share.

Luckystarss · 08/03/2026 21:19

OP so he is leaving you do all the childcare and housework while he is away multiple times per year on his “weekends away” ? And you do not get a break (apart from one you had since DC were born?)

I totally get it, OP, you felt let down (he promised and didn’t do what he said he would).
you feel like your DH gets an easier time- which he certainly did - sitting on sofa watching screen isn’t the same as everything you did.
you need to put yourself first - have 2hr bubble bath while he does bedtime with kids, each Saturday book something for yourself - 9-12 hair appointment, nails, coffee with friend , gym, swimming pool. Every Saturday! Let him take care of his kids

I don’t get the posters that “feel sorry/ for poor guy” who avoids parenting multiple weekends and drops everything on OP. He gets much easier ride!

gillefc82 · 08/03/2026 21:21

Nottodaythankyou123 · 08/03/2026 19:27

The difference here is they do have kids, he regularly gets time to herself but finds it too difficult to look after those kids by himself, and he agreed to leave early then changed his mind without communicating that. Your post is comparing apples and oranges.

I never have any problems with my DP going out on nights out (although I would say he’s much less obliging at actually returning that favour), but if he told me he’d be back by x, then decided to change that without communicating it, I’d be irritated. Not because I can’t handle my children alone, but it’s just a lack of respect to unilaterally change plans without even considering the other person

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But he did communicate the changing plans re the brunch that morning, only for the OP to guilt trip him into coming home and missing out?

As I said in my post, if she feels the balance is unfair in the relationship when it comes to respective effort and downtime, then she needs to have a conversation with her husband to address it. But that doesn’t change my opinion on her being unreasonable in this particular situation.

Missrosie123 · 08/03/2026 21:38

I think for something like this you say to the DH go, have an amazing weekend, do everything, I have it all under control at home. No guilt whatsoever. I would also expect DH to do the same for me. So in this regard I find you unreasonable. If your response is due to wider issues then they need to be dealt with. I hate the idea of laying on guilt on the partner who is away (whoever that is).

Shmee1988 · 08/03/2026 21:40

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 16:14

Thanks. I feel like lots of people have just skim read the OP and not the whole thread. My fault guess for drip feed.

i don’t think the weekend was overkill. It went like this:
Friday- school pick up 3pm
swimming
macdonalds

Saturday - play date in the park
followed by nature walk
home for toys play / cartoons all afternoon
movie night with pizza

Sunday morning party
baking

my DC are crazy energetic types so being sat around all day doesn’t work

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Not that many veggies in pizza and mcdonalds. Just saying.
I dont think he is unreasonable, but that being said, if youd made an agreement that he woukd be home, I can see how its annoying that he tried to make other plans.

usedtobeaylis · 08/03/2026 21:47

If he said he would be back then he should be back. When you're burnt out you hold on to the plans that are made as they become the lifeline. And you're burnt out. If he didn't want to be back that early than he should have said so beforehand. It is NOT ok to make assumptions about you picking up all the childcare.

rainbowsparkle28 · 08/03/2026 21:59

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:13

The brunch wasn’t everyone. Funnily enough the 3 guys who had families all got up and left early before DH woke up! So it wasn’t a big organised aspect of the weekend, just an add-on.

More importantly we agreed in advance he would get up and come back on Sunday first thing having been away Friday and Saturday.

We don’t have any wider help or grandparent support and DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

having said all that I’m hearing the general vibe here.

In this context, yes I would be pissed. You had a pre arranged agreement about when he would return, and he often swans off and leaves you to it. That does not a respectful equal partnership make. There’s a difference between the occasional longer stay or a few hours, I’m not saying he shouldn’t have that but it sounds like he takes you for granted. I would also be making a clearer point of booking in things for you, sticking to it, and being unapologetic in leaving him to it with the children.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/03/2026 22:00

Unless there some background that he needed to be back for a particular event on Sunday or he had been away all week with work and was going again next week I don’t understand why he needed to rush back. Getting up super early and missing the brunch seems unnecessary.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/03/2026 22:18

OP, add up all the time you have had the kids on your own and then ask him when he’s going to pick up those 952 billion hours whilst also ensuring the house is clean and tidy and the kids are happy and safe and not jacked off their heads on junk.

His response should be that he will have the kids as soon as you need him to. If he gets arsey, tell him it’s OK, and he can get used to having them on his own 50% of the time as that is what you will be going for in the divorce.

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/03/2026 23:16

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/03/2026 16:16

You're being unfair, if he's going on a stag weekend, it's unfair to dictate that he's got to cut it short to come back to give you a break, I think.

It is hard though. My DH worked long, long hours when our kids were little, often away, overtime at a moment's notice, completely irregular hours. So I was the main carer and full time at home with them for 2 years, and god, I needed him around at weekends. But he also needed a life. Yes, i'd hate it when he went on the odd stag weekend here or there because it was exhausting for me, but it wasn't often, and he was always a very hands on dad otherwise.

For me, it helped him to understand how full on it is caring for kids when I got a weekend job. 6 hours on a Sunday. It was good all round. For the kids to have one on one time with dad, for me to be out of the house, for him to appreciate what I did during the week, and to develop his parenting skills and not rely on me to give him instructions etc etc.

Yes, some things may not have been perfectly as I would have done, but does that matter? I think you probably need to let him look after them more often, for a whole day. And leave him to it. But also lay down expectations and say that it's not a break for you at all if he leaves all the tidying and domestic chores for you to do when you get back, so he has to figure out how to get that done as well as look after the kids, same as you do the rest of the time.

Didn’t you read the part where brunch wasn’t everyone and all the men with families jumped up early and left Sunday before the dh was up? So selfish. I’d be going away the very next weekend with a list of activities and reminding him of the state of the house he came home to.

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/03/2026 23:25

Missrosie123 · 08/03/2026 21:38

I think for something like this you say to the DH go, have an amazing weekend, do everything, I have it all under control at home. No guilt whatsoever. I would also expect DH to do the same for me. So in this regard I find you unreasonable. If your response is due to wider issues then they need to be dealt with. I hate the idea of laying on guilt on the partner who is away (whoever that is).

Edited

But you don’t find her unreasonable because she doesn’t have your situation . He goes and doesn’t think twice but he does not wave her off on her turn. She’s gone away once in over 5 years and he left the house a shitshow for her to clean up. That showed her! since you expect husband and wife to mutually support each other to have time out, you’d be royally pissed off in the ops shoes, she has none of that mutual respect.

but, op- you can build it. If I walked into a shitshow, I’d walk right back out again. Oh it seems I came home too early and didn’t give you a chance to clean up. I’ll take another few hours and check in before coming back, byeeee.

Switcher · 08/03/2026 23:26

Sorry your marriage is in difficulty..I hope you can figure out how to move forward.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 08/03/2026 23:32

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:19

I’m hearing the comments. Perhaps I must be totally fed up generally with him in that case.

I think the real issue is that YOU need a weekend away! Arrange one with your friends or even book a solo spa weekend.

bittertwisted · 08/03/2026 23:37

Ffs he was away for one whole day, and how hard can it be to look after kids when the youngest is 5
i cannot believe you guilt tripped him in to missing the brunch, and then moaned about what he did with the kids when home

you either need equal away time, or you really dislike him because your post reads as very resentful

Comeinsideforacupoftea · 09/03/2026 00:06

It sounds like you're a bit burnt out which is absolutely reasonable but this isn't a reasonable way to deal with it. Reasonable would have been to say 'I've had a stressful weekend with the kids DH. I think since you owe me one you can do bath and bed with the kids tonight and next weekend I've organised a girl's night so you'll be having our kids'. What you did was put him under pressure during his own downtime which is really quite thoughtless. Would it really have been that difficult just to put the kids a movie on or take them to softplay til he gets home?

JustCabbaggeLooking · 09/03/2026 00:12

usedtobeaylis · 08/03/2026 21:47

If he said he would be back then he should be back. When you're burnt out you hold on to the plans that are made as they become the lifeline. And you're burnt out. If he didn't want to be back that early than he should have said so beforehand. It is NOT ok to make assumptions about you picking up all the childcare.

'a lifeline' 😂
Get a grip lasses, it's simply watching your bairns on your own.
Get a grip lads, it's simply watching your bairns on your own.

ThatBlackCat · 09/03/2026 00:42

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:13

The brunch wasn’t everyone. Funnily enough the 3 guys who had families all got up and left early before DH woke up! So it wasn’t a big organised aspect of the weekend, just an add-on.

More importantly we agreed in advance he would get up and come back on Sunday first thing having been away Friday and Saturday.

We don’t have any wider help or grandparent support and DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

having said all that I’m hearing the general vibe here.

DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights

Ok why is that? Why? Because that has got to stop. Completely. To say he's taking the piss is an understatement.

MaryStP · 09/03/2026 01:04

Itstimeforachangeagain · 08/03/2026 17:44

She doesn't say he was a womanising.

Isn't that the point of these stag dos? The women at home have absolutely no idea what these men get up to. And they don't generally find out.

OP , like all women who are happy for their partners to go off on stag dos with their pals, generally are totally naive as to what goes on when a bunch of guys intent on behaving like single men go off together to enjoy themselves.

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I feel sad for you if you assume all men womanise on stag dos.

Some do, of course. Some cheat and misbehave and let down their partners. They are the men who would do that anyway.

The men who are mature enough to know what they have, and committed enough to want to keep it, do not cheat just because they are on a stag do. They might drink too much or come home late, but that is not the same as cheating.

To assume it is "the point" of a stag do, or to assume that OP's DH must have done that because all men do that, is really immature on your part. It sounds like you have an issue with men in general.

Lolololololololol · 09/03/2026 02:07

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:13

The brunch wasn’t everyone. Funnily enough the 3 guys who had families all got up and left early before DH woke up! So it wasn’t a big organised aspect of the weekend, just an add-on.

More importantly we agreed in advance he would get up and come back on Sunday first thing having been away Friday and Saturday.

We don’t have any wider help or grandparent support and DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

having said all that I’m hearing the general vibe here.

"Rarely get a break"

Try being a single parent with no grandparent help and children's father not around 😂

You're being really unfair on your husband. I don't understand what you're so cross about? Even after reading your replies.

Bizarre situation to get cross about.

ThatBlackCat · 09/03/2026 03:06

Lolololololololol · 09/03/2026 02:07

"Rarely get a break"

Try being a single parent with no grandparent help and children's father not around 😂

You're being really unfair on your husband. I don't understand what you're so cross about? Even after reading your replies.

Bizarre situation to get cross about.

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DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break.

He takes off all the time, OP has not been away ever since the kids. How is that fair? If he wants to live the bachelor life with not much responsibility (and it's very clear he does) he should leave altogether.

Jlom · 09/03/2026 03:27

Both dh and I would choose staying at home for a weekend alone with the children over a stag/hen do. DH does have to work abroad quite often but I like being with the children so it doesn't bother me. The main issue is that you see a weekend with the children as a chore and that makes you resentful.

Everynamehasgone99 · 09/03/2026 04:45

I think you are being SO unfair! I cant believe you made him leave a stag do early and wouldn't let him have brunch with the rest of the party. Such controlling behaviour on your part! Is looking after your own children for one weekend really so hard? I'd be mortified if I were him.