Husband just walked in after stag weekend

[oxfordpower]

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

I think you should have done the screen time while he was away and given yourself some peace. And spend that time planning some time away for you. He needs to parent his own children equally to you.

She did. She let them watch cartoons 'all afternoon'.

You sound controlling and unreasonable
I feel sorry for him

What is your point?

Having boundaries and standards doesn't mean to say a person can't enjoy themselves.

I just don't intend to be made a fool of . You and the other pp are perfectly entitled to your own choices.

But OP needs to decide whether she has boundaries and standards rather than OKing her H doing what he wants and then complaining about it

It's one weekend. It was a commitment he made. Don't be "that wife, OP, because it just makes you sound like a sour and unpleasant martyr.
Of course, you can book yourself a weekend away sometime, so get that sorted.

Have a weekend away. Just do it

If that's the case why is OP complaining?
I really fail to see what her thread is about.

Issue 1: he unilaterally changed plans from what was previously agreed without really apologizing or even acknowledging it was a relevant change. If you’ve agreed to be home at a certain time you should mean it. In failing to do so he treated his wife’s time and energy as unimportant, low priority.

Issue 2: long term imbalance in parenting responsibility and free time leading to resentment and “over reaction” to individual events. While one weekend away, even if it accidentally gets extended slightly, shouldn’t be cause for anger, if it’s part of a pattern which seems impossible to address or improve that’s totally different.

Ultimately the question is whether you can find a productive way to talk about the pattern, about both your needs, and find some changes that make you feel more appreciated and rested. It’s not unreasonable to want to feel valued and appreciated by your partner, it’s not unreasonable to want their equal investment in child rearing and the associated activities and decisions.

No, it’s not the point of stag dos. Where did you get that idea?

Those small things called children.

OP this has gone in a funny sort of direction. You're not wrong though.

Poor guy, he’s done nothing wrong.

What on Earth?! 😂 Do you think the same happens on hen dos?

Hang on a minute...... He was supposed to be going to a brunch with rest of the stags but he missed that to come home and you are still cross with him?!! What's exactly has he done wrong? Is he out every weekend?

When is your next hen do or weekend away? Make sure you leave on Thursday evening, handover as soon as DH home. Tell him you and the girls are making a proper celebration of it and doing Thursday - Monday. Come home when the kids are at school / daycare. Tell him before you leave that you aren’t expecting the house to look like a crack den when you get home - and to get a cleaner in if he can’t hack the pace. No point in being bitter about your partner having time away, make sure they know what hell it is by reminding them…

I think setting realistic expectations.

My dh wouldnt be appearing until Sunday afternoon and then super hungover. So even if said sunday morning I know that wouldn't be the case and dh has learned not to be unrealistic like in this case.

I think you need to look deeper at your resentment. Is it him going away too often? You feeling like you can go away? Him not pulling his weight? This stag do is just a symptom of other things going on

Haha... no junk food then op?
Just McDonald's, pizza then I assume baked goods

What is the point of stag dos in your opinion then?

What is the point of hen dos?

You’re not coming across like someone who has really been on them, and yet you’re claiming to be the font of knowledge.

You sound deranged. No, womanising is NOT the point of 'these' stag dos. The point is going out with your mates to have fun. There are many different ways of doing that.

Some blokes womanise because some blokes are slimy assholes. But going for a weekend away with your mates in the countryside isn't signing up for an orgy of Caligula proportions.

Sadly, some women accept a very low bar for their menfolk.
Luckily I have a DH that doesn’t prioritise his needs above mine or the family.

I don't think this is a mature way of dealing with this obvious problem is it?

And is looking after (your own) 3 primary school age + children for two days really "hell"? I think it sounds quite nice and I'm sure a lot of people would love to have a weekend like that.

What exactly are you angry about ? U knew he was going on a stag weekend & chances are he’s going to be hungover . At least he came home and didn’t go to the brunch . Tbh I would be quite happy for mine to go to a stag weekend , I would enjoy having time to myself with the kids . Why don’t you tell him that u will be going on a hen night/weekend next time one of your pals is getting married if that makes u feel better . PS , I went on a hen night with my pals & had to hide the pics from my mother & my other half 😂 even tho I didn’t do anything bad the bride to be was outrageous 😂 ) just be happy he is coming home in one piece .

How many weekends has he been away. If lots yanbu. If this the first one yabvvu. A healthy relationship is give and take. If you go on a hen weekend how you feel you dh demanded you return as you have.

How many children do you have, I may have missed it. I did read the youngest is 5 so I don't think particularly hard work to look after. He was away for what 2 days? I don't think that's that bad tbh. If he came home in a decent state and ready to parent then I don't see a huge deal here?

You mentioned a 5yr old. What age are the other kids?