Dilemma - son moving out due to partner

[user1492635465]

Hi, I’m in such a rubbish situation and could do with some advice.
I’ve been alone with my son for 5 years, he’s now almost 23. My partner moved in with us in October last year, son initially unhappy with him moving in but accepted it

two weeks ago we had an argument, our first and wasn’t a big argument, no shouting, wasn’t heated

now son is saying he hates parter and doesn’t want him at home and if he stays, son will move out.
I desperately don’t want my son to leave but I also feel I need to make choices for me now and I want my partner at home

advice, thoughts, opinions welcomed

Because son is 23?

At 23 it's time for your son to move out if he doesn't like the household arrangements.

No, its been a long term upward trend. Ten years ago it was still around 50%, so certainly not unusual even then. I think people tend to make assumptions based on what young people they know do, but the national stats show a different picture.

I agree. I feel very depressed at some of those answers too.

A 23 years old man wanting his mum to himself is just plain strange and actually,quite worrying.

I would help DS to find a place perhaps offer money towards rent for first ?6 months, help him get settled so it’s more helping him to be independent and not chucking him out (which you aren’t but he might claim it’s that way)

But ops son will move out as soon as gets his own partner and then op will be living alone for the rest of her life.
if op is certain that her dp is a decent guy i think she can say

it’s ok I understand you want your own space, that’s natural at your age, this will always be your home and you’ll always be welcome back here to live or just to stay. I’ll come and visit your new home too. And I love ‘just us’ time too so let’s keep scheduling that in regularly whether we meet out or you visit here. I love you so much.

Oh come on OP this is MN ! You KNOW the answer to this one. It’s rule 1.

No mother should EVER contemplate a relationship whilst they have a ‘child’ at home . How selfish of you ! Immediately don sack cloth and ashes and beat yourself with thistles for considering it appropriate to have a live in partner when your 23 year old hasn’t sanctioned it. No mother should expect this. 🤣

It would be helpful to know more about this situation. Does the son have a job, and since when? How much is he contributing to the household, financially and otherwise? Has he ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend? Why is he still living at home?

wtf?

she should give her son her house?!

mental.

It is and the guy needs to grow up and get his own life. His mum isn’t some support-human who is just there for him. She is a person in her own right and deserves a life and happiness. The partner sounds perfectly nice and the son like a spoilt brat. I’ve known people like this though and it’s always their mothers who aren’t allowed to have partners. Their dads can apparently do what the hell they like.

Why say "this will always be your home"? No, it won't. He'll move out into what will then be his home. If he wants a more permanent one, he needs to work towards that goal.

Her son is an adult. Not even an 18 year old but a fully fledged time to grow up adult. It’s not selfish of the OP to want a life of her own at all!

Your son is firmly an adult. He shouldn’t have to live with someone who makes him unhappy. That doesn’t mean you can’t live with your partner. It does mean you need to accept that it’s probably time for your son to get his own home.

you can’t have this both ways. There is no making your son accept this situation. He deserves to be comfortable in his home just as much as you.

keep your bond with him by helping him with the move. Then invite him over for a home cooked meal once a week or as often as he is willing.

Well, since people have resurrected this thread and added 5 pages to it () is there any update, @user1492635465 ? It’s been a few months. Did he end up moving out, or did things settle down again?

I meant i dont like the son controlling mothers life.

And who’s footing the bill for all of this? What in the la la land??

Not only that, but at 23 you’re starting out. He’s there today, tomorrow he decides to go backpacking for a year or he meets someone and off he goes. Why would OP abandon her house and all her things?