Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Dilemma - son moving out due to partner

191 replies

user1492635465 · 01/03/2026 02:30

Hi, I’m in such a rubbish situation and could do with some advice.
I’ve been alone with my son for 5 years, he’s now almost 23. My partner moved in with us in October last year, son initially unhappy with him moving in but accepted it

two weeks ago we had an argument, our first and wasn’t a big argument, no shouting, wasn’t heated

now son is saying he hates parter and doesn’t want him at home and if he stays, son will move out.
I desperately don’t want my son to leave but I also feel I need to make choices for me now and I want my partner at home

advice, thoughts, opinions welcomed

OP posts:

Hallamule · 30/04/2026 06:42

BlanketBlues · 01/03/2026 02:34

Why did you let a man move in if your son was unhappy about it?

Maybe because he's an adult and OP has a life to live?

@user1492635465 it looks like you have to choose. How many more years would you expect your ds to live with you?

dreaminglife · 30/04/2026 06:42

I think I’d say sorry if that’s your decision, you are always welcome back at anytime. But my house my rules - time a 23 year old stopped behaving like a teenager throwing strops and threats to get his own way.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 30/04/2026 06:53

I wonder if there are a couple of separate strands to this?

Your son's dad cut off a relationship with him. Did you divorce because of domestic abuse, or your ex H's addiction, affair, anything like that?

If so, perhaps son is concerned about you to the point of being controlling, that you'll be hurt again.
Perhaps he learnt to be controlling from dad.

Perhaps he is concerned ( consciously or unconsciously) that you too will cut contact with him, that you'll replace him in your life with this newish partner.

Maybe he has an eye to inheritance? Does new DP have any children?

Perhaps it's a combination of these factors?.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

Wordsmithery · 30/04/2026 06:57

Your son is making unfair demands on you. You're entitled to your life and he is an adult - and not a 'new' adult - he's 23.
His feelings may be complicated by the fact that his father abandoned him at 18. He may feel he's losing you too.
Encourage him to find somewhere new to live and make an arrangement to see each other regularly so he knows you'll maintain your close relationship. He's already expressed a wish to leave so you're halfway there.
And it may be that he gets on better with your partner once they're no longer living together.

SwatTheTwit · 30/04/2026 07:01

maudelovesharold · 01/03/2026 08:48

You live in a world where the majority of 18 year olds can afford to move out and to finance their own rent or mortgage independently? Whereabouts is that, then?

Show quote history

I live in the north and it’s pretty common, DD22 and maybe a couple of other friends are the only ones left at home.

Most that didn’t go to uni move into shared accommodation and have a job.

TreatHerLikeALady · 30/04/2026 07:04

There are some horrible people on this site. The 'shag' comment is particularly disgusting. A grown adult woman is entitled to have a partner and not be degraded by comments calling him her 'shag' 🤢

OP your son is a grown man and you're entitled to a life. You're not kicking him out, he is making a choice. I would just say somthing along the lines of "son, I'm sad you feel that way but if that's your choice I won't stop you. You're always welcome back". I hope you get to be happy OP.

Twiglets1 · 30/04/2026 07:25

At 23 your son is an adult. If he wants to move out then that’s ok. As long as your bf hasn’t actually done or said anything obnoxious, then your son shouldn’t dictate whether your bf lives with you or not. It’s normal for couples to argue occasionally.

katepilar · 30/04/2026 07:27

I can see both sides. You want to share a household with your boyfriend. For him its a stranger moving in into his home. He is in his space, changing his rituals with his mother. Did your son use to make you coffees in the morning? How much time did he spend around your bf and how much did they get to know each other before bf moving in?

katepilar · 30/04/2026 07:32

Has your son finished his education?

Adelle79360 · 30/04/2026 07:42

I think people are being mean about the son. He’s been abandoned by his dad and had another man move into his home. It’s ok to find that difficult - he’s only 23, he’s not a child but he’s still young and trying to find his way in the world. OP don’t be harsh with him, he’s making it clear that he’s struggling and that he needs some support right now.

You can’t go backwards by getting partner to move out, you need to sit and have a proper chat with your son and tell him you understand his position but that this is how things now are for you all. That you’ll support him if he really does want to move out but that he’s welcome to stay and you’d like to try and make this work for everybody. Don’t just dismiss him, that will push him away.

FormerCautiousLurker · 30/04/2026 07:46

user1492635465 · 01/03/2026 03:40

Thank you and yes, I think that’s exactly it. Lots of comments initially when partner would make me a coffee before work along the lines of ‘that’s my job you’ve taken’

I think he’d quite happily just have me all to himself if he could

Show quote history

Sounds as though he needs a gentle push to move out and be independent, anyway? I would say to him that you are sad that he feels this way, but it would probably be good for him to try living on his own now, and he knows where you are should he want or need to come back because there will always be a home for him with you. And let him sort himself out.

LoyalMember · 30/04/2026 07:49

This fully grown adult should be in his own place by now anyway, or not far off it. You deserve a life, and you can't let a petulant baby in long trousers dictate to you.

BernardButlersBra · 30/04/2026 07:52

TreatyPie · 01/03/2026 08:07

Eww at all the "mommies" on here who would actually put their love lives on hold for a 23 year old son 😂
And then we wonder why all the women on MN are struggling with coddled, selfish man babies.

Time for your son to grow up and make his own way in the world, hes already 5 years behind schedule

100% this. Can no one read he’s 23? How long is this going to go on for then, until her son is 25? 30? 35?!

StickStuck · 30/04/2026 07:52

What is your son doing with his life? Has he failed to launch? Is he working, does he have plans for the future? Does he have friends, girlfriends? I’m struggling to get an image of where he is in his life.

I have a 21 year-old son. I am still married. But if I was single and brough a new man into the house, I can imagine my son finding it a bit awkward to start with, but that’s that. He wouldn’t be possessive of me with coffee making etc, that just feels a bit strange. If your partner is genuinely a decent man, then your son will have to accept it or move out.

Splitfoot · 30/04/2026 07:53

user1492635465 · 01/03/2026 16:56

And I totally agree with this. This is the first man I’ve introduced my son too since his dad and I divorced. It’s not like he’s seen a string of boyfriends come and go

Show quote history

Your son needs to move out and get a life of his own instead of resource guarding like a half grown collie.

Tell him you love him but it's time he went.

He will be having it cushy and wants to keep it that way. Not a chance would I chose my son under these circumstances. Your job is done there.

loislovesstewie · 30/04/2026 07:55

@Splitfoot the half grown collie quip has made me chuckle this morning! I agree with you BTW. 😊

DuskOPorter · 30/04/2026 07:59

Separate out the situation you need to repair your relationship with your son and your son needs to move out for many reasons, his over reliance on your relationship, his attempts at control, the time in his life where he needs to be independent. Ideally though have him move out and repair your relationship.

MyDeftDuck · 30/04/2026 08:00

The way I understand this OP is that it’s only been you and your son living together since he was 17. I’m not going to ask about the breakup of your marriage and anything he might have witnessed, that’s your personal business. But I do think that your son has stepped in to be the man of the house in some way and has nurtured a caring nature towards you. That doesn’t make him a ‘mummies boy’ or any other tag anyone would like to apply, he is obviously a caring individual who perhaps doesn’t want to see you hurt or upset in a way that might have happened before. I know, lots of speculation on my part.

Time has come for your son to find his own place and he just needs reassurance that your DP cares for you, respects you and wants to build a relationship with DS.

AImportantMermaid · 30/04/2026 08:00

BollyMolly · 01/03/2026 07:42

Couldn’t you have waited a few more years until your son was ready to move out of his parents home of his own accord? It seems very selfish to force someone, adult or child, to have someone move into their home against their will just so that you get to have your boyfriend around more often.

Just remember that when you need your son in future, you chose your partner over him, He is unlikely to ever forget it

He’s 22! How long does she need to put her life on hold to accommodate him? What if he never intends to move out?

DaisyChain505 · 30/04/2026 08:03

You son is 23 not 13. He’s a grown adult and you can’t be expected to put your life on hold forever because of his opinions.

If he was a teen I would understand waiting out to move a man into the home but at this age he needs to put on his big boy pants and either get with the program or move out.

Lemonfrost · 30/04/2026 08:03

BlanketBlues · 01/03/2026 02:34

Why did you let a man move in if your son was unhappy about it?

Come on!

katepilar · 30/04/2026 08:08

StickStuck · 30/04/2026 07:52

The difference here is that you are married, living with your husband and children as a family.
The dynamics tends to be different in single parent familie. Perhaps even more specific if its just son and a mother.

TheGoddessFrigg · 30/04/2026 08:08

But the whole "man of the house" thing is such toxic masculinity nonsense.

Oh I agree with this SO MUCH. The house belongs to OP-she is the adult here. Her son needs to realise that and stop trying to control her.

BuckChuckets · 30/04/2026 08:09

I'd definitely have a different view if your son was 13, but he's in his 20s and doesn't want to share his mummy?

I probably would gave liked to have been living with my mum at 23, but I moved out at 20, and even if I had still been living there, I wouldn't have had a say in her love life.

ThisOneLife · 30/04/2026 08:12

BlanketBlues · 01/03/2026 02:34

Why did you let a man move in if your son was unhappy about it?

Her son is 23, it’s her house. When would you allow her to lead her life with her partner?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread