"Sorry I can't make it" why is that not enough for some people? or 'no'

[PollyBell]

If someone says this to me I accept it and move on, I would like for people to accept it in return but there are so many examples why people have to turn it into a thing why is it not enough

Yes if I am sat waiting at restaurant at 12 and they text me at 11:50am it would be annoying but I presume they have their reasons

but even for other reasons why is 'no' not enough for people

Yep- to cancel 10 mins beforehand with just a "sorry I can't make it" when your friend has gone to the trouble of travelling to meet you and is literally waiting for you is absolutely bloody pathetic.

They deserve an explanation.

Declining an invite in the first place does not and sorry I can make it is fine.

I think "sorry I can't make it" in response to an invitation is fine but I think "sorry I can't make it" in response to agreed plans is quite rude unless it's way way in advance.

I would understand if someone couldn't make it but would appreciate an explanation, even a vague one. Cancelling plans affects people. They might have made preparations for the meet up or spent money in relation to it, or they might have declined plans with other people to make room for you or they might just feel a bit let down and disappointed because they were looking forward to it.

I just think cancelling plans is letting people down, even if you have a good reason and it's polite to offer some explanation or at least a more extensive apology, if you aren't willing to share why.

If you genuinely can't come at last minute due to an emergency then you have time to type "sorry can't come - emergency" if you have time to type anything at all. And then you follow up later with more detail.

I think it's rude just to say that. I always give a reason why I can't do something, so the person knows I would have liked to spend time with them but am just unable to.

If someone just says "I can't make that" I would assume they don't like me.

Agreed - No is a complete sentence 👏

"Sorry I can’t make it, as a response to an invitation, is absolutely fine."

It IS absolutely fine. However, this is also the kind of thing people say when they don't WANT to come, which is a different matter. That's why I would usually say I can't come because I have something else I committed to before, but I'd like to come next time. If you just say a blunt no, you may not get invited again.

If it's a cancellation then I'd expect an explanation because some people cancel without a good reason and I want to filter those people out of my life.

It depends entirely on the situation. If I've made an effort or spent money or something, and it's last minute when they say they aren't going to make it, I think it's quite rude to not offer an explanation. If there's no emergency or anything then I wouldn't make the effort again! But if say they were waiting for recovery because the cars broke down I'd feel bad for them!

I hate it when you say no and give your reason and they don’t accept it and try and give you a solution to make you come like “you can bring your child with you to mine on Friday for a drink” no I don’t want to leave my house and come to your house on Friday either with or without my child, I said fucking no, if I wanted to come I would have found a solution myself to come 🙄

Thankfully I have never had a friend or family member just say no to an invitation etc . They have basic manners.

Count yourself lucky for being popular though. Some people don't get such invites.

If it's a work do, say, I will just say I can't make it.
It would seem rude to say the truth that I cba to go out on a wet Friday night where I can't drink as I'm driving..

If a friend has asked I'll give the reason.

You are most correct in what you say Madame.

You sound very posh.

Do you work for Debretts
Etiquette?

Ordinary people have few manners these days. How perfectly frightful!

To answer the original post, if someone has given out an invitation and the invitee replies with "sorry, I can't make it" - the inviter does want to know if it's worth persevering with the relationship and inviting again.

If someone replied to me with "sorry, I can't make it" I would assume they were shaking me off for good and I wouldn't trouble them again. A friend, or someone who cared about me, would explain why they couldn't make it.

No, you were really rude.

I'd be surprised if your friend bothered with you again,

I'd never cancel at that late notice without a detailed excuse.

(However, I'm also able to use the correct form of there/their/they're - which is year 3/4 educational standard)

Because its a common curtesy to give an explanation if you are literally about to stand someone up. Exactly like another poster said if you are declining an invitation then you dont need to give a reason. If your that precious you can't even say 'my child is sick' to someone you are about to stand up then thats a you problem not their problem or fault.

@jetlag92OP used their correctly in her OP ('their reasons').

It is rude and flakey though depending on how well you know person. Why would you not give an explanation? Why be so defensive because you couldn’t be bothered?!

Regardless of who the invitation was from or where to, I would always give a reason eg unfortunately I can't make this date/time due to......... Where appropriate I'd also ask if another date would be possible.

This!!

I wont quote everybody but with the 10mins to go scenario I would presume if they took the time to inform me they cant make it their need not to be there is more important

I just dont need to rank their in order of what is acceptable or not they can either make it or not the reason is irrelvant to me

but also same if I invited them to a party or the cinema I dont need to know the reason just yes or no can they make it or not I would have no hard feelings if they can't and we could happily move on to the next thing, I dont need to wonder if they like me or assess what is more important to them or whatever - yes or no is enough

it is not about being secretive or precious, I hope the person is ok but their reasons are irrelvant to me that is all

I think it depends on the context of the invite - spontaneous drinks after work or a group of casual friends meeting up for something that didnt need booking, I might say sorry I cant make that - without giving a reason. If someone invited me to an event, birthday, or a meal out etc, then I would more likely give an explanation if I couldn't make it.
Unless someone had repeatedly asked me or not listened to previous answers, then I cant think of an instance where "no" would be the complete answer

Up to even 24 hours before I'd be fine with it.
On the day, I'd want a reason.
10 minutes before, if it's not a huge emergency then I'm dropping you as a friend.

I would not ask for further explanation if someone cancelled 10 minutes before we were due to meet, but if they did it more than once I would not be meeting them again.

As a courtesy I would expect an explanation, otherwise I’d downgrade the friend or whoever I was engaging with. And not bother with them again, tbh.

It’s funny you made this thread as I am meant to have my girlfriends over this weekend. I was excited about it… that was before I decided to go sober as enough is enough. Now we always have a catch up over copious bottles of wine and I’m just not ready to put myself in this situation yet. My DH said just said ‘sorry girls can’t do this weekend’ and send some suggestions over of other dates. I just can’t… I keep thinking of excuses which yes are lies, like I’m poorly etc. I don’t want to tell them why as I don’t want any sympathy, questions etc… but I also don’t want them to say ‘can’t you see us without a drink?’. I feel saying I’m poorly means they’re none the wiser and I’m not stressing. Giving no reason opens it up to questions and then I can’t say ‘oh I’m ill’! As surely I’d have said that already! They may accept ‘oh I can’t make it now’ but what if they don’t!

So that’s why I am not in the camp of not giving a reason but I wish I was!!