SIL thinks I made her sick :(

[FlappingAboutTheFuture]

SIL and family came round after an activity on Saturday and had dinner with us.

SIL is strictly wheat and gluten free, awaiting testing but already knows she has a severe intolerance. I take that seriously but I know lots of family members don't and SIL is quite sensitised to the idea that someone isn't taking it seriously. Which I understand, so I do my absolute best and have successfully made meals for her in the past and she does, sort of, trust me with food now.

I made a meal of: jacket potatoes, grated cheese, baked beans, houmous, guacamole, and salad.

I checked the ingredients on the beans and houmous, no wheat or gluten. I made the guacamole myself so know what went in it (avocados, lime juice, fresh coriander, fresh chilli, fresh tomato). I even checked the ingredients on the mustard that went into the salad dressing to make sure that was GF (which it was!) - salad dressing was lemon juice, olive oil, fresh garlic, and mustard.

So as far as I could establish the meal was completely wheat and gluten free but apparently SIL spent all of Sunday and yesterday being sick and rang DP past night to quiz him about what was in the meal. Obviously our kitchen isn't really a 100% safe environment as we do eat wheat and I'm an ingredients cook so there could be all sorts of cross contamination, but I did my best and she was the one who said eating here would be fine so long as the actual meal itself didn't have wheat or gluten. I feel terrible now but I'm sure it wasn't my fault but I don't think SIL will ever trust me again...

i am sure she will,
is this a new diagnosis?
sounds like you did your best

Pré grated cheese?

I would send her the ingredients list for everything like you did here and ask if you've gone wrong somewhere.

As she is not diagnosed it could be something else that is the culprit or is also the culprit.

Noooo, a block of Welsh cheddar that I grated myself!

I agree with sending her the list. It sounds like there must be something else she's allergic/intolerant to and that list might help.

She needs to stop eating anywhere other than home then if she's that sensitive to something (which could be something other than gluten). If she's GF, sje would know that none of those things contain gluten.

I've sent the list via DP but feel like she doesn't believe me 😞

See, I wouldn’t be tolerating this level of rudeness. You went to great efforts to prepare her a meal that did not contain ingredients that would upset her stomach. It’s a shame she got ill but it’s not your fault. She’s either so sensitive that she can’t even risk cross contamination (so she can’t eat out) or she’s eaten something else that has caused her problems (her responsibility) or the sickness isn’t related to her food intolerance.

Stop feeling bad and push back on any guilt they are sending your way. So she doesn’t trust you anymore..her problem.

Drinks?

Malt vinegar?

Drinks were cups of tea, and glasses of water or cordial, not sure what drinks she had tbh as DP was on drinks duty!

No malt vinegar, I only use that for chips haha and used lemon juice for the dressing.

Does she know she needs to be eating gluten regularly for 6 weeks in order to get accurate results from testing?

Im GF and I check labels at people’s houses for my own peace of mind as it’s ultimately up to be to ensure I follow a GF diet. Most people understand and don’t mind but MIL gets annoyed but there’s been multiple times she’s added gluten to my food so I’m glad I checked!

But the items you’ve listed are incredibly unlikely to have gluten and it sounds like you checked thoroughly. If she can’t eat in a kitchen that has gluten she simply can’t eat away from home.

There is an awful lot of norovirus going round at the moment. Why does she assume contamination rather than a virus?

Pre Grated cheese was my first though too - but blocks are usually ok.

Croutons picked off salad?

Try not to take it personally - if she’s reacting to something then she needs to try and work out what. That unfortunately means quizzing everywhere you’ve got food from and picking back over everything you’ve eaten. There’s not really a way of doing that without it coming across as blaming, even when you’re not.

If she's awaiting testing for coeliac disease then it'll be invalid as she's already excluded gluten

Fair point she probably does just want to trace it back, it just felt very finger pointy!

The salad has no croutons. I made it myself and it was lettuce, spring onions, grated carrot, shredded pepper, and some fresh herbs.

Do you know if she often eats avocado @FlappingAboutTheFuture ? I'm very intolerant to it and it makes me sick.

Your SIL needs to start bringing her own food to ensure it is completely GF and not contaminated. You can’t expect people to go to these lengths and then blame them if something goes wrong. With the best will in the world, things can go wrong and it’s not fair on everyone else.

it Could be a dairy sensitivity which can go hand in hand with gluten/wheat.
if you cleaned down your kitchen surfaces and pots / oven trays were clean then there should have been little chance of cross contamination.
If you’ve sent her all the ingredients you used and they’re all usually ok then maybe she’s allergic to something else. She could also have picked up a bug!!
she sounds pretty rude to blame you entirely, if her food issues are that bad she should have double checked before she ate anything and maybe even brought food for herself if she’s particularly sensitive.
my DP has celiacs and he’s very particular about who prepares his food as some people are way more lax and just don’t understand the trouble it would cause him.

If she’s sure it’s a gluten reaction, then it probably is - she’ll be able to tell the difference between that and an illness.

It is common when you cut out gluten that you get more sensitive to it, so it is possible that it has come from cross contamination from your kitchen. Equally possible that it’s come from something else that she has eaten during the day.

Its not your fault at all, but it’s important that she knows what you’ve given her so that she can work it out.

What mustard was it? Some English mustards have gluten in. My other thought is the beans. I developed a bad intolerance to all legumes as an adult. So, no baked beans, no hummous, no lentils, etc.

You did you best. All you can do is sympathise and, if she asks, send her photos of your ingredients to show you chose carefully.

As said above, she shouldn’t have excluded gluten if she’s awaiting a test for coeliac disease.

I’m still catching up on the posts OP so not sure if anyone’s suggested - but I cannot have gluten either so know what to look out for. What cordial was it? Eg. Fruit and BARLEY is not gluten free. Some cordials have added barley, wheat eg and sneakily add it in there.

only things I could tbink might be gluten in would be the salad dressing or the drink, as a jacket potato C&B are gluten free themselves naturally.

Was it a brand new unopened tub of hummus? If not and someone had previously dipped some pitta in the tub, it could have been that?

I'm wheat and gf.
It's more likely a coincidental stomach upset, something else she has eaten or an intolerance to something else ( lime juice?).
I sometimes get symptoms when I know I've not eaten anything with gluten or wheat.