SIL thinks I made her sick :(

[FlappingAboutTheFuture]

SIL and family came round after an activity on Saturday and had dinner with us.

SIL is strictly wheat and gluten free, awaiting testing but already knows she has a severe intolerance. I take that seriously but I know lots of family members don't and SIL is quite sensitised to the idea that someone isn't taking it seriously. Which I understand, so I do my absolute best and have successfully made meals for her in the past and she does, sort of, trust me with food now.

I made a meal of: jacket potatoes, grated cheese, baked beans, houmous, guacamole, and salad.

I checked the ingredients on the beans and houmous, no wheat or gluten. I made the guacamole myself so know what went in it (avocados, lime juice, fresh coriander, fresh chilli, fresh tomato). I even checked the ingredients on the mustard that went into the salad dressing to make sure that was GF (which it was!) - salad dressing was lemon juice, olive oil, fresh garlic, and mustard.

So as far as I could establish the meal was completely wheat and gluten free but apparently SIL spent all of Sunday and yesterday being sick and rang DP past night to quiz him about what was in the meal. Obviously our kitchen isn't really a 100% safe environment as we do eat wheat and I'm an ingredients cook so there could be all sorts of cross contamination, but I did my best and she was the one who said eating here would be fine so long as the actual meal itself didn't have wheat or gluten. I feel terrible now but I'm sure it wasn't my fault but I don't think SIL will ever trust me again...

Brand new tubs of houmous.

Home made salad dressing and I checked the mustard to make sure it was GF!

Cordials on offer were bottlegreen raspberry, or lidl own brand elderflower.

I'm wondering if there might have been crumbs in the butter. She did have butter on her potatoes. But she could have chosen not to, it was on the table in a butter dish for people to help themselves, it was a new pat that afternoon but I suppose there could have been crumbs in the dish as I don't always wash it out!

How long has she been being tested?? This sounds like something she has had in place with everyone for some time .

1. It doesnt take that long to get tested
2. She needs to not exclude anything before testing otherwise the results wont be correct.
3. If she does have what she says she has then she needs to take cross contamination more seriously. And maybe just take her own food places.

Especially as like you have said you use all sorts normally so cant expect to be perfect .

She needs to see a dietician and do a proper exclusion diet to see what the problem is. It could be that the wheat intolerance is FODMAP intolerance, in which case the beans and houmous could make her ill. Its definitely not your fault though. It sounds like you did everything you possibly could to accommodate her.

You can have random attacks even when following a gf diet

English mustard powder has wheat in it so if you made the mustard from that it might be that. Most likely to be crumbs on butter.

Also where did you cook the potato? Could there be crumbs there?

I literally scrub my whole kitchen if my friend who has coeliac disease is coming for food. Then wrap any food going in the oven in foil to avoid crumbs getting blown by the fan.

Just tell her to bring her own food. It’s not your fault she’s nuts.

Why are you bending over backfired for her? You made 100% effort and were diligent yet you still get accused and need to justify what you did?

Sounds like you had better not cook for her again. maybe your DH can from now on be responsible for catering to his family when they visit

please do not feel bad. she is clearly in need of very specialist prepared food in a 100% wheat free environment that cannot be you

let DH try

she is really unfair to give you a hard time and make you grovel and send lists

A possible auto immune disease it not being nuts.

Don't turn yourself inside out trying to think what you've done wrong. Your SIL is being unreasonable, you went to a lot of trouble to prepare GF food for her yet the next day she's checking up on you with your DP instead of speaking to you! I'd find that very rude, especially as she hasn't even been diagnosed yet so there may be another cause entirely. I future l wouldn't be providing any meals for her, but would insist she prepares and brings her own food with her.

Beautiful haiku.

Could she have developed sesame allergy (hummus?)

She should bring her own food if she has an allergy. It’s not your responsibility ,it’s hers.

I would feel guilty and hard done by in this situation. Try to take yourself out of the equation, you didn’t do anything wrong and the best way forward is to help her solve this puzzle. In future she should bring her own food but I wouldn’t insist on it either. She is obviously more intolerant than she had thought.

My immediate thought was butter. DD's best friend is coeliac so I'm very aware of cross contamination- butter, jam etc all either need to be used from freshly opened or if she's staying a while I give her her own butter dish and pot of jam.

That's her problem then.

It's best you don't cook for her again.

Problem solved.

Sounds like you did your very best but still ended up being blamed for someone else's problem. Either tell her to bring her own food or even better, don't invite her again

Next time she comes give her bananas. I eat bananas at other people’s houses if I haven’t brought anything. I don’t eat other people’s food.
Your sil was rude. You made a lovely thoughtful meal and she behaved like a petulant teenager.
Bananas going forward and don’t feel bad; she’s an adult not five.

I have a gluten allergy. A bit of cross contamination action would do more than make me vomit. I do often, discreetly, take safe food almost everywhere I go but then a lot of people are offended by that - particularly family!

@FlappingAboutTheFuture did you grate the cheese on to a bread board?

Yes also to crumbs in butter dish

My SIL had testing recently as she thought she was gluten intolerant - test showed she is indeed gluten intolerant BUT also has an intolerance to dairy too. Which is not something she thought she had

So it very easily could have been the cheese, despite it not being pre grated

Not your fault though OP - it sounds like you really have been conscious and stuck rigidly to her requested requirements

As you have sent the list across to her, I hope this helps when she has her testing done

also she will learn not to eat at other people's houses if it's gluten. And family will learn not to mention it when she doesn't trust anyone to prep food for her

It's honestly not worth the effort (coeliac for many years here)

If she's being tested for coeliac she needs to eat gluten every day for six weeks before the test. I'm going through the same process now.

Could there have been gluten crumbs in the butter if you used that on the potatoes? That’s enough to make me unwell and people never think of that.

I read just the other day that pre grated cheese has potato starch, rather than wheat flour, to stop it sticking together. I hardly ever buy it, though, so must check the pack next time.

I don't think you could have done any more OP.
She knew you did not have a wheat/gluten-free kitchen (ie cross contamination possible).
You have sent what you prepared to her. There's nothing you can do if she doesn't believe or trust you, so she will either not come again, or bring her own food if she does.