SIL thinks I made her sick :(

[FlappingAboutTheFuture]

SIL and family came round after an activity on Saturday and had dinner with us.

SIL is strictly wheat and gluten free, awaiting testing but already knows she has a severe intolerance. I take that seriously but I know lots of family members don't and SIL is quite sensitised to the idea that someone isn't taking it seriously. Which I understand, so I do my absolute best and have successfully made meals for her in the past and she does, sort of, trust me with food now.

I made a meal of: jacket potatoes, grated cheese, baked beans, houmous, guacamole, and salad.

I checked the ingredients on the beans and houmous, no wheat or gluten. I made the guacamole myself so know what went in it (avocados, lime juice, fresh coriander, fresh chilli, fresh tomato). I even checked the ingredients on the mustard that went into the salad dressing to make sure that was GF (which it was!) - salad dressing was lemon juice, olive oil, fresh garlic, and mustard.

So as far as I could establish the meal was completely wheat and gluten free but apparently SIL spent all of Sunday and yesterday being sick and rang DP past night to quiz him about what was in the meal. Obviously our kitchen isn't really a 100% safe environment as we do eat wheat and I'm an ingredients cook so there could be all sorts of cross contamination, but I did my best and she was the one who said eating here would be fine so long as the actual meal itself didn't have wheat or gluten. I feel terrible now but I'm sure it wasn't my fault but I don't think SIL will ever trust me again...

Off topic but does jacket potato, cheese and beans really go with guacamole, salad and hummus??

I was feeding nearly a dozen people, most of whom are veggie and one vegan, and including some fussy kids. It was basically a jacket potato buffet bar where you put what you fancied on your potato. A very standard sort of meal in our social circle!!

I had originally planned to serve a 5 bean chilli rather than baked beans but forgot to soak the beans 😣 and the only veggie mince I had to hand contained barley!

It was grated by the op. As was established in the first phase of questions, on the first page.

Why can't new comers to threads at least read the first page of replies, to see if the obvious questions have been asked and answered. The Op already said it was fresh Welsh cheese she shredded herself.

Because the SIL was rude, and her physical response does not sound allergy driven. I have had serious food allergies my entire life, and never been as entitled or as rude as that SIL was. On top of which the SIL ate out at a restaurant that day as well, yet it couldn't possibly have been that.

Yep, I'm gluten intolerant and your list sounds fine. She might be a drama queen, she might be intolerant to something else - but she absolutely definitively should NOT be accusing you of anything without proof.

I'm unable to be tested to find out if I am coeliac because it requires eating gluten and I can't tolerate gluten at all. She won't be able to get a blood test done without eating gluten. But she can get the genetic test done which can at least rule out coeliac, if you don't have a certain gene combination. I'm waiting for the results of mine.

IBS sufferers (which I also am) can have a reaction to chickpeas.

As someone who is genuinely intolerant to many foods I do not allow others to cook for me, and limit myself if going out for a meal. It's a pain, but it's better than being in bed for a day and still unwell on day 2.

I just politely explain that it's easier for me not to eat anything I have not prepared as I have such a severe reaction, I bring my own or ask them to buy something pre packaged that I know I can tolerate if they absolutely insist on cooking.

Instead of spraying unfounded insults at her family, she can do that too.

Honestly jacket potatoes are my safe meal my friend used to make me one every barbecue she did jacket potatoe butter and cheese never once was i ill i doubt anything you did made her unwell it was most likely the meal out beforehand

All SIL did was ask, and she asked her brother at that (because relationships are generally easier between siblings than in laws and less likely to cause office). She’s not telling OP off or ever said she blames her, OP has decided she feels blamed, that’s it! It’s very normal for someone to try and track down what made them ill so they can avoid the same thing again.

You don’t say what allergies you have but celiac disease isn’t an allergy, or an intolerance, it’s a chronic autoimmune disease, so who are you to say whether her reaction is ‘right’. Being glutened is a very different pain and feeling to a normal stomach bug or food poisoning. How about we believe chronically ill people rather than try and police their reactions.

For all we know SIL may have contacted the restaurant to ask too. It’s not rude to advocate for your own health and simply ask a couple question. OP has not shared that she’s sent any arsey messages or accused, simply double checked. Why are people extrapolating that she’s gone out of her way to blame OP when all OP has said is that she ‘feels’ blamed?

My Husband has various food intolerances and his safe food choice is usually a jacket potato whether he's unsure about the menu choices if we eat out or if he's reacted to something and just wants some 'bland and stogey' to settle his digestive system

The SIL dosen't have celiac disease. She thinks she is intolerant to gluten.

i’m surprised to see this response from someone with allergies. surely you must know that even people who attempt to cater for allergies sometimes make mistakes, quite frequently actually. Also, her symptoms are consistent with a non-ige wheat allergy so I’m not sure why you think it can’t be an allergy. not all allergies are ige.

people aren't sympathetic because they woman went out earlier in the day and ate but seems to want to put the blame on op

If the chain is Wetherspoons they are well known to gluten people! Even the baked potatoes aren’t safe as they use wheat flour on the outside to crisp it up and will
lie to everyone and swear blind no gluten or wheat on the flood they claim js gluten free!

Well I think you deserve a medal for catering for vegans and celiacs. Honestly I wouldn’t offer again.

Well aren’t you a charm? To accommodate a coeliac (which is a medical condition not a lifestyle choice) you buy GF ingredients and clean your kitchen down. Ooof, go get that medal!!!

Could there have been any cross contamination with the mustard? For example previously spreading it on bread and then putting the knife back into the jar? My DS has dairy and egg allergies and he has his own marmite for example so there is no risk of a butter knife cross contaminating it. It maybe seen as over kill, but important to us while we’re figuring out the severity of his allergies, he only a toddler so all early on for us.

i know it’s a medical condition!
she does all that and has it thrown back in her face! So I wouldn’t be going out of my way again.

how very immature is your response.

I said she deserves a medal for doing it because most wouldn’t!! OP did do it which is so lovely of her (let’s not diminish that with your response!!) BUT the fact that the SIL is now throwing accusations around saying OP made her sick would be enough for me to not invite them for food again…. Whether you think that makes me charming or not doesn’t really bother me…. IMO SIL was less than charming with her accusations… I’d be eating there from now on or eating out….
My daughter has a dietary need and believe me the majority (even family) don’t accommodate! So yes she deserves a medal for being so lovely… but you diminish how hard it is to accommodate these needs as it clearly makes you feel superior!

Was the mustard a household one that someone might've used for a sandwich and put the knife back in? That's the only thing I can think would have glutened her and a big worry for me eating at other people's houses. I wouldn't worry about it though, shes probably just really anxious about food and eating since she's been so poorly

Or she could have been glutened when she ate out the same day elsewhere

If it really was a chaotic buffet meal with loads of kids around, one of the children could easily have contaminated something. Parents almost never make their children wash their hands before eating when at someone's home, and they were probably running around all day, eating snacks with sticky fingers and whatnot.

Definitely! Just bringing up something a lot of non-coeliacs don't think about :)