SIL thinks I made her sick :(

[FlappingAboutTheFuture]

SIL and family came round after an activity on Saturday and had dinner with us.

SIL is strictly wheat and gluten free, awaiting testing but already knows she has a severe intolerance. I take that seriously but I know lots of family members don't and SIL is quite sensitised to the idea that someone isn't taking it seriously. Which I understand, so I do my absolute best and have successfully made meals for her in the past and she does, sort of, trust me with food now.

I made a meal of: jacket potatoes, grated cheese, baked beans, houmous, guacamole, and salad.

I checked the ingredients on the beans and houmous, no wheat or gluten. I made the guacamole myself so know what went in it (avocados, lime juice, fresh coriander, fresh chilli, fresh tomato). I even checked the ingredients on the mustard that went into the salad dressing to make sure that was GF (which it was!) - salad dressing was lemon juice, olive oil, fresh garlic, and mustard.

So as far as I could establish the meal was completely wheat and gluten free but apparently SIL spent all of Sunday and yesterday being sick and rang DP past night to quiz him about what was in the meal. Obviously our kitchen isn't really a 100% safe environment as we do eat wheat and I'm an ingredients cook so there could be all sorts of cross contamination, but I did my best and she was the one who said eating here would be fine so long as the actual meal itself didn't have wheat or gluten. I feel terrible now but I'm sure it wasn't my fault but I don't think SIL will ever trust me again...

Why feel gotten at though? She’s just trying to trace what she’d eaten. She’s not accusing you. It’s a sensible thing to do if she’s trying to work out what makes her so unwell. It’s incredibly unpleasant to have an allergy that severe and not yet know what’s causing it. I think you’re making this about you when it really isn’t.

Most chains will have a disclaimer about cross contamination and allergens being used in their kitchens.

There are a few places that truly can do gluten free (separate prep area, separate fryers etc) but not many.
I tend to avoid chips out anywhere unless they confirm separate fryer for this very reason. If she had chips with her lunch then you likely have the culprit!

She's not even been diagnosed yet

Don’t worry OP, we don’t wash our butter dish out every time either 😂 I’m late 40’s and only once had a sickness bug caused by food and that was from a wedding so clearly my ‚yucky’ habits are ok 😂

It strikes me as far too early for it to have been your fault. It's far more likely to be something she ate on Thursday or Friday. And it sounds like food poisoning rather than a Gluten/Wheat issue.

Shop bought grated cheese can be dusted with flour to stop it sticking together. Did you check that?

Op has already said it was a block of cheese that she grated herself.

Broad bean allergy is something I recently heard of, apparently more common in Greece and neighbouring countries.

“I’m so sorry to hear you are poorly SIL. Here is a list of/ photos of the packaging of what you had and there is no gluten and I double checked. Perhaps best to bring your own meal next time just incase!”

@dollylady, my daughter has been diagnosed 5 years and me 3. We've known nothing but kindness from our friends and family and I suspect people on here are unsympathetic because the SIL is not diagnosed with anything. My mother in law gave me a lovely rice salad with bits of barley in it and my mother gave my daughter a sandwich with normal bread but these were mistakes, not because of a failure to care. Good luck and send me a dm if you need any advice on eating out or adapting recipes

Not unsympathetic. Just don't understand why the OP is getting the blame when the sister in law ate out the same day

@scottishgirl69 the PP is worried about how people will react to her as an newly diagnosed coeliac following comments like "just never cook for her again." I'm just explaining that the reality doesn't have to be like that rather than offering an opinion on OP's situation

I wondered this! Thought it was intense abdominal pain and diarrohea but not vomitting which sound much more like a bug!

Pretty sure you can get gluten free microwave meals in supermarkets, garlic bread etc, desserts - I would probably go with something like that going forward just to keep things easier.

That's what I think. My father can't each pre-grated cheese as it contains flour!

Well, she’s a big girl so I think she needs to accept that her diet is her responsibility. You went over and beyond the call of duty in my opinion, she can bring her own food in future and you must STOP FEELING GUILTY !!!

well said, i can’t believe how uncaring some people are being towards a woman who just wants to track what may have caused her to become so ill. She’s done nothing wrong.

Send her the list of what you served up like you have done here & ask if she can see anything that may have caused her upset stomach. She may well just have a 24 hour sickness bug & it's nothing to do with what she ate.

If I went to someone's house and became ill after I wouldn't be phoning them quizzing them - particularly if I had also eaten out the same day

This. Is she actually being rude or is she just asking questions and doing some investigating? SIL is new to this so won’t fully understand what affects her and how. I’m sure she is just trying to work things out so she doesn’t get sick again and she will come to realise that restaurants can’t be completely safe.
It’s ok that she’s asking questions. It’s also ok for OP to be clear that there may be some risk in her house no matter hard she tries. My experience is that most people try really hard to accommodate and people with allergies/coeliac generally know that risk can rarely be 0% but it’s good to try and get it as close to that as possible and you can’t do that without questions.
It makes me feel very sad to read some of the attitudes on this post. All this situation needs is communication and compassion from both sides.

We’re not a gluten free house and I never use the butter in the dish unless I’m 100% sure no one else has used it.

IF your sil was ill from your house, my money would be on the butter.

I had all three, plus cold sweats. Crying from the pain, shitting and puking all at once as DP held the bathroom bin up for me.

The symptoms can also include bloating to full term pregnancy size, constipation/your entire digestive system grinding to a halt for days, plus rashes, itchy blisters, joint pain, eye involvement, confusion, mouth ulcers and folate deficiency/other variations of anaemia, a sudden plummeting of mood, the colour of what is being passed, etc, etc. And the stench is like nothing else.

Like most people, I've had stomach bugs before (and hangovers, things that didn't agree with me, etc). Being glutened feels utterly different - and worse.

In short, if somebody says they've been glutened, they are very, very likely to have been glutened because it's pretty unmistakable compared to common or garden stomach issues.

It will be the same people who think she’s just making a fuss about nothing and that ceoliac disease is all in her head …. if only.

You're fantasising now. There wasn't any gluten in the meal provided by the OP. In any case there was no reason for the SIL to attack the OP in that way, especially because the SIL had also eaten out that day.

Not fantasising at all, I hear see it all the time, and Ive read some of the comments on here and agree with others who said that there's been a fair view people making out the the sister in law shouldn’t be trying to trace what caused her to react like she’s attention seeking rather than trying to avoid future illness.
And if you read my previous post I said not to beat herself up but she might have inadvertently caused symptoms , I did say it’s tricky as I know myself having been glutened by well meaning family.