SIL thinks I made her sick :(

[FlappingAboutTheFuture]

SIL and family came round after an activity on Saturday and had dinner with us.

SIL is strictly wheat and gluten free, awaiting testing but already knows she has a severe intolerance. I take that seriously but I know lots of family members don't and SIL is quite sensitised to the idea that someone isn't taking it seriously. Which I understand, so I do my absolute best and have successfully made meals for her in the past and she does, sort of, trust me with food now.

I made a meal of: jacket potatoes, grated cheese, baked beans, houmous, guacamole, and salad.

I checked the ingredients on the beans and houmous, no wheat or gluten. I made the guacamole myself so know what went in it (avocados, lime juice, fresh coriander, fresh chilli, fresh tomato). I even checked the ingredients on the mustard that went into the salad dressing to make sure that was GF (which it was!) - salad dressing was lemon juice, olive oil, fresh garlic, and mustard.

So as far as I could establish the meal was completely wheat and gluten free but apparently SIL spent all of Sunday and yesterday being sick and rang DP past night to quiz him about what was in the meal. Obviously our kitchen isn't really a 100% safe environment as we do eat wheat and I'm an ingredients cook so there could be all sorts of cross contamination, but I did my best and she was the one who said eating here would be fine so long as the actual meal itself didn't have wheat or gluten. I feel terrible now but I'm sure it wasn't my fault but I don't think SIL will ever trust me again...

I wouldn't bother inviting her again.

Do her or her partner ever cook for you?

Me too! Have never met a fellow sufferer!

She's probably got norovirus. Everyone always thinks it's 'something they've eaten' but it's usually a virus.

It's probably accidentally cross contamination with either surfaces, butter etc.

I'm very sensitive and a surface, same knife or a few crumbs can make me ill. Even with being careful I've made myself ill by doing my kids lunches and not washing my hands well enough before I make something for myself.
There's not a need for her to be rude about it though and you sound like you did everything you could.

Eating outside my home always comes with a level of nervousness and takes quite a bit of planning and checking.

This.

OP you did your absolute best. You checked everything. As the above says if she's that intolerant she cant risk cross contamination then she really needs to stop eating anywhere other than home.

How rude. I would totally ignore anymore of her comments. You did your best, nothing you used contained gluten. What else are you supposed to do.

DP is gluten intolerant and has occasionally been unwell when eating out/at family members. He wouldnt dream of being so rude! As long as you haven't purposely stuffed a load of gluten in on purpose youve done nothing wrong.

I agree with this. The only way she can control what she eats is to never eat anywhere else.

What’s an ingredient cook?

Gluten is like god it’s everywhere and you can’t see it .

Shes added gluten to my food so I’m glad I checked!

What do you mean shes added gluten to your food? She knows you are gf and puts this in your food when you're not looking? And u ask her if shes done this in advance and she owns up to it ? Is she tying to kill you?

My colleague who also has a severe gluten & wheat allergy also can't have onions/leeks/spring onions/garlic as it's linked to the fructans in those...

We've all been sick the last couple of days with norovirus. Theres loads of it going around. Could very well be that.

Yes they're all FODMAPS as are the beans and houmous OP served but its up to the SIL to properly go through an exclusion diet. Not the OPs fault.

I'm GF. Your meal sounds lovely - exactly the kind of thing I'd love and I'd be incredibly grateful if someone cooked that for me and went to all that trouble to make sure it's GF.

Sounds as if it's something else. DH can't tolerate raw onions, and I can't have raw chili - I've thought I was dying before, when my throat closed up. But in that case I would know it wasn't gluten.

My betting is on something she'd eaten earlier. You'd have to be really seriously allergic to still be ill the next day if it was from something like someone dipping their bread into the guacamole.

I have some sympathy with your SIL, especially if she has family not taking it seriously. I've been there on that with close family, and it's a really horrible feeling and hard to describe how stressful it is.

That said, you did everything right and, even if you did miss something - which sounds doubtful - you really shouldn't feel guilty. She's just in a very scary place because food being potentially threatening is a weird head space to get used to and it may be that she's only just realising that no, she just has to not eat away from home of she wants to be safe.

My dd has a gluten intolerance. She is also highly intolerant to dairy. I would have to get vegan cheese for her if serving this meal. As others have said she may be intolerant to something else as well

🎯

No of course not the OPs fault, didn't mean to imply it was - it's on SIL to do this via exclusion as you say.

I think that unless the beans etc specifically stated gluten-free on the packing, then you can't be 100% sure that they are, even if there's nothing obviously gluten containing listed. My mum was diagnosed coeliac 35 years ago when there was very little awareness so I know what a minefield it can be!

I have a sensitivity to raw or slightly cooked garlic. But I'm OK if it's cooked for a long time eg in a curry, chili, bolognese type dish.
Are you the same?

No sorry, I didn't mean to imply you had implied it was 😆. Yes its tough for the SIL, ive been there, but not fair for her to blame OP and probably best for her not to eat out until shes established what the problem is.

If I were suspecting I had an autoimmune disease triggered by certain food items, I would personally check all ingredients when eating at someone else’s house just in case. My granddaughter is allergic to certain nuts - I double check all ingredients when I am feeding her whether at home or elsewhere.

Try not to take it personally. If she’s spending her time throwing up, she’s probably not feeling to rational. We all tend to be a bit “knee jerk” under those circumstances

In which case the SIL could have chosen not to eat them.

you might not throw up with it but other people might have a different reaction!

My cousin has a gut reaction to tomatoes and dairy.
She can not eat them.
Your SIL needs proper testing.