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Original poster

Would you date someone who’d been in prison?

258 replies

Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 19:57

Sorry for keeping this vague but don’t want it to be too identifying. I’ve been very casually seeing a guy who I met recently through friends. Although I’ve only known him a few months, a number of my friends have know him since school. He got out of prison not that long ago. He was in for quite a few years. Without going into too much detail, his crime has to do with drugs and associating with some dodgy people. There was no violence involved and he was barely an adult when he was convicted. He’s genuinely a lovely guy and it’s clear he has some trauma from his time in prison. It’s clear he’s done his best to get his life back on track, doesn’t do drugs or drink anymore, and is working full-time. I feel a little conflicted about the prison thing though for various reasons. Would you date someone who’d done a long sentence if the crime wasn’t directly violent? And before anyone says this - yes I know he probably indirectly caused a lot of violence through what he was doing at the time but I’m talking about his specific crime

OP posts:
redboxerclub · 08/02/2026 19:59

No.

Brefugee · 08/02/2026 19:59

there are always victims where drugs are involved.

If he has really turned his life around maybe see how it goes?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2026 20:00

No.

BaguetteLady · 08/02/2026 20:03

No. You just don't know what doors that experience could open in the future. He might be a perfectly OK guy now but I wouldn't want that in my life.

CloakedInGucci · 08/02/2026 20:03

I definitely believe that people like the man you describe are capable of turning their lives around. I just wouldn’t bet on it to the extent of being in a relationship.

Hobfjg · 08/02/2026 20:03

Probably not… if he’s done a long stretch it must have been a pretty horrific crime - it’s fairly hard work to get any real prison time from what we see reported.

also if you have children that’s potentially a problem

it’s great that he’s turning his life around but it would be a hard pass from me

PenelopeAsks · 08/02/2026 20:04

No.

ShodAndShadySenators · 08/02/2026 20:04

I just couldn't, no.

Credit to him for trying to get back on track though

Catroo · 08/02/2026 20:04

I wouldn't be a blanket no, if they did shop lifting 20yrs ago, short sentence but then turned life around, then fine.

In your situation, no i wouldn't date him

SchoolDilemma17 · 08/02/2026 20:05

No

persephonia · 08/02/2026 20:06

Do you feel more protective of him/like he needs caring for and support since hearing about the prison thing? If so run a mile. It isn't a healthy dynamic and sets you up to feel guilty if you break up in future or as if you need to help him through his issues/stay on the straight and narrow.

If not, and it wasn't a violent crime and it was a good while ago I wouldn't immediately discount him. People can change and pull themselves out of difficult times (but I'd want him to already have done the pulling). It depends on whether he was still in any way in with the same crowd that caused issues. Or if he ever did drugs (even occasionally, recreationally on a big night out). All other things being good it's an orange flag not a red flag but I would probably want to take it slowly.

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/02/2026 20:07

I’d probably give him the benefit of the doubt for a date or two, and see if I saw any red flags. I believe in second chances. I also believe in moving on smartish if red flags showed themselves.

IvyEvolveFree · 08/02/2026 20:07

No. Is the dating pool this bad in 2026 we’re genuinely giving this consideration?!

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep · 08/02/2026 20:08

Have you done a Clare’s law request?

LenniesToast · 08/02/2026 20:09

Depends on what they were like and how long ago they were released. Not if it was a recent release.

ShakyBake · 08/02/2026 20:09

Late 1990's and friend of mine was a penpal with a prisoner for over 2 years, they grew close and eventually met and he had an eye patch

LlynTegid · 08/02/2026 20:09

In some circumstances perhaps, such as someone imprisoned for an act of conscience (example of Dafydd Iwan in the 70s about the Welsh language). Not for anything to do with drugs, indeed I would never knowingly date anyone who took illegal drugs.

Enrichetta · 08/02/2026 20:09

I wouldn’t necessarily write him off but I would proceed with caution.

persephonia · 08/02/2026 20:09

Actually sorry I read in more detail and saw you said he got out of prison "not that long ago". In that case it would be a pass from me. He needs more time to see if he has actually changed. If he told me he'd been in prison 10 years ago it would be different I think. I also think if he's been inside he probably needs time to work out how to live responsibly and independently. There shouldn't be any rush for him to jump into a relationship.

YourSassyPanda · 08/02/2026 20:10

No. Do you have children?

Ohfudgeoff · 08/02/2026 20:11

No, because my cousin succumbed to drugs and never came back from that. And although it wasn't new partner's responsibility, I'd never be able to shake off that feeling that someone like him was responsible, and perhaps he was that person responsible indirectly for some other family's heartbreak.

Wakemeupinapril · 08/02/2026 20:11

My exh didn't tell me he had been inside at 17... A showing of the lies to come ime.
Walk away ime. Or his dodgy mates will be popping their ugly heads up when it suits him /them.
Don't go there op.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/02/2026 20:12

In your circumstances no. If I was older and just looking for a casual boyfriend and not someone I wanted to move in and make a life with them I'd maybe consider it. For a potential husband and father of my children it's too high risk.

Kingdomofsleep · 08/02/2026 20:14

Absolutely no way. Know your worth op.

Yes men can "turn their life around" after prison. Maybe I'd happily pay him to do a job, or I'd be happy to work with him, or be in a hobby group with him, etc.

But a romantic relationship?! Where's your self-protection instinct? Be much more selective with you who share your actual body with.

Ladamesansmerci · 08/02/2026 20:15

I have a child now, so absolutely not.

However, if I didn't have a child, it wouldn't be a blanket no (though it would be for any violent crimes). If it was someone who, for example, had grown up in foster care, was troubled in their youth, and ended up in prison due to drugs, but had since been out like 10+ years and had really turned their life around, then yes.

How honest can you trust this guy is being about what he's done? I think the fact he only got out recently would put me off- that's not enough time to truly turn your life around. That being said, I am a believer that if you've done your time, you deserve a chance to try again. Only you know what you're comfortable with, OP. People are judgemental about prison (and rightfully so a lot of the time), BUT many people who commit crimes are not evil. A lot of factors cause people to commit crimes, and there is obviously a lot of crossover with growing up in poverty/with less than ideal families.